AIBU not to dress up fancy dress for best mates birthday?

[clarissa469]

It's my best mates birthday in 2 weeks, she's got a night planned out for "pub golf" basically where you all dress as golfers and do a tally chart games etc

After some thought about it I really don't want to go out in a fancy dress golfers outfit. I have a few reasons, I'm short dumpy and chubby so I don't feel comfortable anyway. I literally I hate fancy dress (is that a bad thing?) I have anxiety about being on my own in the middle of the night dressed as a golfer maybe having a cry or something.

I told my friend and she said it's fine, apart from there's 8/9 other highly opinionated women also dressing up and they are the kind to wind you up etc about it especially if I say it's because I'm an anxiety sufferer. AIBU/selfish? Should I just grow up and wear the bloody outfit.. because I don't want too 😭

I was in your shoes about 6 months ago for a very old and good friends hen night. It was very civilized but she just wanted everybody to wear a certain color/pattern.

I didnt have anything that worked, and I also dislike the look she asked us all to wear. I wore a regular dress with a tiny accessory that was on theme.

I stood out even more in the photos as I was so off-theme (so much for blending into the background!). It also ended up being a huge bit of regret as she tragically died just a couple of months after her wedding.

I bought the most to theme dress for her funeral that I could find, as we all dressed to honor her.

Sorry, that’s a really morbid tale, but I really should have just gotten over my own insecurities and celebrated with my friend. She loved me for who I am, not what I look like.

I don’t think you should go. It sounds like you’re dreading the whole night, not just the fancy dress, if you’re already anticipating crying on your own?!
Plan something to celebrate just the two of you.

So sorry FenceFuckery

I hate fancy dress.
However, I have learnt over the years that if you’re invited to any kind of event where fancy dress is required, whether it’s Hallowe’en, a hen do, whatever...I feel far more self conscious in the end if I don’t just join in.
I remember going to a different city for a friends hen do several years ago and thinking I wasn’t going to do the fancy dress thing in the evening (there were things happening during the day too), and then feeling like a complete outsider when we all headed out and I was the only one who “hadn’t bothered”.
Even the taxi driver said “Did you not get the dress code email love?”
I didn’t really know any of the hens other friends and it did look like I’d chosen to distance myself. I still regret not just biting the bullet.
Also, why assume you’ll end up separated from the rest of them, crying? I’d think that’d be far less likely to happen if it’s clear you’re part of the group that are all dressed for golf!

You don’t need to grow up. You are a grown woman with far more say in what you wear than a load of other women. Wear what you want to wear, and fuck everyone else. No one has the power to make you feel bad unless you let them. I have severe (diagnosed and medicated) anxiety and I would just wear my normal clothes. If they don’t like it, tough. You’re not stopping them wearing fancy dress so why do they think they can tell you what to wear.

I'd go for the most easy to look normal "costume".
What do you normal wear? Either trousers or a below the knee skirt, ideally a shirt with a collar, maybe a visor? No Jeans. Others have given various suggestions.

Then if/when you have had enough - you can just slope off.
If you do something token then others can't complain (my daughter wore a plain white jumper to school for "Christmas Jumper day" when questioned she said it was "a deconstructed snowball").

Good luck - and you don't have to stay long.

Normally I would decline any invitation that includes fancy dress but (even as a fellow potato) I reckon I could manage this with a couple of accessories and a pink jumper draped over my shoulders.

Either decline or go with the theme - you'll stick out more being the only one that hasn't made even a token effort.

It's not as bad as the hen party invitation that I received where the bride to-be was dressing as Snow White and expected us all to follow her round town in full Seven Dwarfs costumes. I ran a mile.

Either just find a peaked cap / visor and something diamond-patterned (a cravat would offer 'effect' while being removable, socks or tights are cheap, effective and removable), to blend in, or, don't go.

The bigger issue is that the friends don't sound very nice, or like people who would be friends to you, so decide whether you can and want to join in 'lightly' and take the good aspects of the night, without getting bogged down in really trying to get to know the others, or having any expectations other than 'fun night out'.

With the outfit, it's like teenagers having their photo taken; the one who makes a big fuss about how they hate having their photo taken attracts far more attention to themselves than the one who quietly smiles, gets it over with and says nothing. Surely 'not drawing unwanted attention to yourself' is the way to go?

There is no need for these people to know about you having anxiety, if you take part lightly.

Agree. Just take a hat. I ducking hate fancy dress

I think it was be fairly easy to dress as a golfer without drawing undue attention (trousers/plain skirt, T shirt, trainers or flat shoes maybe add a cap or visor) but it seems to me that you are dreading going anyway. There are two options - make an excuse and don't go or go but don't focus on the idea of crying on your own in the night and have an escape plan in case you can't stand it. You might actually enjoy it.

As a middle aged golfer who plays with other middle aged golfers of all sizes, potato shaped is quite common.
All you need is trousers other than jeans, or shorts or a skirt.
Polo shirt
The naffest jumper you posses slung round your shoulders
Trainers.

Stick a golf tee behind your ear for added authenticity

I can totally relate. I wouldn’t want to dress up as a bloody golfer either. Asides from all the usual reservations about feeling self conscious in unflattering clothes, I can’t think of a less fun thing to dress up as. Golfers...wtf? Shite.

I wouldn’t do it. What’s more I wouldn’t care if the other golfers had something to say about it. I’d just shrug it off.
Am I dressing up as a golfer? No I am not. Subject closed.

[lfowers] FenceFuckery :(

I also think go the whole hog or don't go.

Totally agree that it looks way more odd to be half dressed so I wouldn't do that, but I can rarely afford costumes and am tall so is not easy to buy clothes so that makes it doubly difficult and stressful. It can be fun if you do want to throw yourself into it. But if you really hate the idea maybe do something with your friend another time?

Also the other friends sound shit so if I would be put off on that account!

No offence to golf or golfers btw...sorry if that was rude. It’s not my thing -m totally don’t mind if other people enjoy it. That’s great.
Not a fan of fancy dress bullies though. Fancy dress really isn’t that entertaining...but some people seem to get quite assertive about forcing it on others.

What do you plan to wear instead?

Everyone will be pretty casual in their polo shirts so I don’t think you can get dresses up.

I don't think the issue is the dressing up, rather that you don't want to go at all.
If you do go though, I'd dress up - I play golf and honestly it's easy as others have said. No jeans, just wear plain trousers / shorts / cropped trousers and a polo shirt.

Wearing a polo shirt and casual trousers isn't particularly ostentatious. Not that hard to join in but if you don't want to then just don't go. Really if wearing a golfer outfit might make you cry then I hope you're getting help for your serious anxiety issues

I’d either join in or not bother. It doesn’t have to be complicated, or meet with your friend another day.

Sounds like my idea of Hell! But then I'm an introvert and, even if I was prepared to get on board with the fancy dress, all the game playing stuff would send me into orbit! I have learned to say 'no' to things I'm not entirely comfortable with. I don't care any more if people think I'm a party pooper.

It's just a bit of fun I guess, but not for everyone. Don't feel bad if you don't want to participate.

Have you anything green you could wear? If so say you have come as the golf course. For added effect string of ping pong balls around your necks feltpenned up as golf balls. Wear a T-shirt with Four on it?

Just dress up or don't go

It really annoys me when I go to a fancy dress thing and people don't dress up. It always seems a bit holier than thou, 'I am better than silly fun'

No one looks good in pubgolf attire and it's annoying to look silly in your fancy dress and have someone just looking normal.

I can guarantee the above suggestions will annoy the more pissy women there. Your friend will think you are a good sport an you can then take off or cover up your ‘golf course’

The whole thing sounds awful. I wouldn't go.

I was going to say just do it but to be honest the description of her other friends would make me question going at all. I’d never think to question why someone I didn’t know well wasn’t dressed up as that’s their business.

I have anxiety about being on my own in the middle of the night dressed as a golfer maybe having a cry or something. ???

Join in or don't go.