AIBU not to dress up fancy dress for best mates birthday?

[clarissa469]

It's my best mates birthday in 2 weeks, she's got a night planned out for "pub golf" basically where you all dress as golfers and do a tally chart games etc

After some thought about it I really don't want to go out in a fancy dress golfers outfit. I have a few reasons, I'm short dumpy and chubby so I don't feel comfortable anyway. I literally I hate fancy dress (is that a bad thing?) I have anxiety about being on my own in the middle of the night dressed as a golfer maybe having a cry or something.

I told my friend and she said it's fine, apart from there's 8/9 other highly opinionated women also dressing up and they are the kind to wind you up etc about it especially if I say it's because I'm an anxiety sufferer. AIBU/selfish? Should I just grow up and wear the bloody outfit.. because I don't want too 😭

You're an adult. You no longer have to do things you don't want to (except things like working and pay taxes).

Sounds like other than you she needs new friends!

I don’t do fancy dress, others love it and that’s fine but I wouldn’t do something that makes me uncomfortable (for much the same reasons as you)

I'd not want to go because her friends sound awful! Why not just wear a few golfer accessories? If you get separated from your friends you can just take them off so you're not dressed as a golfer on your own.

So she's admitted all the other people going are utter bastards. I would just not go, full stop!

What does a golfer wear? I don’t thing she’s asking too much here - it’s not like expects you to dress as a stripper or a hobbit. Could you get away with a pair of chinos and a polo shirt?

I really know any other the other girls very well, she plays netbell and they are from her team. Some of them are ok but I just can't be arsed with them asking me why I'm not dressed up and trying to give me shit about it, some of them are quite intimidating

*i don't really know them very well. Sorry

@ShatnersWig lol

@PurpleWithRed if potato was a body shape that's me. I could do it but I really don't want to wear that

You don’t have to dress up, however dressing as a golfer isn’t going to look like fancy dress.

Wear a short skirt (or Capri pants) with a polo top, flat white trainers and a flat cap. Carry a putter for looks if you want. Take away the hat and the putter and u just looked casually dressed, so no need to feel out of place.

Whatever you decide, I hope you go and enjoy yourself.

I would either excuse myself entirely from the evening or go and dress up but surely going but refusing to go along with the theme will make you feel even more self conscious/awkward?

You could do the fancy dress in a relatively low key way

If you aren't prepared to join in with the theme whatsoever then surely better to stay away rather than going along and drawing attention to yourself as being the only one not joining in?

Can't you just arrive in a golf cart

Spin a few donuts in the car park

And write 'ping' on a white shirt

I just don’t accept invites where I have to dress up, if that means I miss out on a party so be it. Just thank your friend, explain it’s not really your thing and offer to take her out to dinner for another celebration a different night.

I think you should dress up and join in, like pp said, just a skirt or cropped trousers and a polo shirt will do. I can't bear people who don't join in. It's so half hearted.

Perhaps just don't go if it's going to cause you anxiety?

Just pop a cap or visor on and wear diamond pattern socks. She’s not asking you to dress in a grass skirt and dance the hula!

A quick google has revealed this:

www.amazon.co.uk/Golfer-Golfing-Visor-Inflatable-Gloves/dp/B01EYRS060/ref=asc_df_B01EYRS060/?hvlocphy=1007044&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=343229092041&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos=1o4&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-697930469739&hvrand=12471889405211917424

So go in your normal clothes and add these (personally I would 86 the weird over-the-knee sock things) eh voila!! Effort made, appropriate kit, practically zero embarrassment!

I wouldn't go.

If my linky no worky its basically a visor, some gloves and an inflatable golf putter for under £6!

My DD went to play pub golf and they all dressed like golfers. She actually plays golf but didn't wear her golf clothing. She wore a knee length skirt, a polo shirt and a visor teamed with her trainers. The only thing she pulled people up on was if the wore jeans. That is a no no. Pretty much anything else will be fine. Capri trousers with a t shirt and a wool jumper tied round your neck will be fine. It's not really dressing up.

Yes you should definitely dress up - and pub golf is the best night out!

If you're body conscious, get one of those sleeveless jumpers for over a polo shirt.

Yeah just buy a cheap visor and put it on for photos, you can conveniently lose it during the evening.

Either join in or mate polite apologies and don't go.

I am not the biggest fan of dressing up either but golf is an easy theme. You can wear similar without being fully dressed up.

I have been the one who refused in the past. I explained to the group why (was short notice and.i didn't have a costume and didnt have the money to buy one for a 'one off') . Only one person said something. Night was fine. Then i saw the photos and i looked like the hanger on/odd one out. Felt like shit, i am in nearly every photo and look like some random thats latched on to the group.
If i get invited to a fancy dress now i either: dont go if i dont like the theme, or just accessorize enough to look like i am joining in.

Other option, don't dress up, arrive 30mins late and make an excuse-had to work late &didnt have time to change or baby/dog was sick on u and had to get changed. Once everyone has had a drink no one will give a toss!

It is only an outfit for one night. Don't stress too much!

I don't think YABU at all, some people just are not comfortable about it.

As another perspective though, you might actually look odder if you are in a group of people who all have dressed up, and will be more likely to stand out. If fading into the background is your thing as you are self conscious or have anxiety, perhaps dressing up might help?

Honestly it's hardly being forced to wear a sequinned catsuit is it? Plenty of suggestions on here, if you really think wearing a visor and carrying an inflatable golf club is going to have you crying alone in the middle of town perhaps you shouldn't go.