aibu about washing hair?

[haudyer]

DD fell yesterday and grazed her arm quite badly. Her hair needs washing and I agreed it could wait until today. She wanted to go out to play after dinner and I said I'd help her with her hair provided she was back by eight thirty. I had to call her in at nine - she's now in a massive strop as I told her she's on her own with hair washing. She says she didn't know the time as she doesn't know where her watch is. I say the options were clear before she went out and she should have found her watch / asked a friend to tell her the time. She's crying in the bath as I won't help her. AIBU? too harsh? She's 9.

Help her

Jeez just be nice and help your daughter. She's nine.

Life's too short for this kind of angsting. All for the sake of 30 mins and a hair wash.

She's nine :(

really? she never accepts the consequences of her actions. She chose to come back late. Am I being really mean? bugger. off to help then.

Just help her!

Poor kid. She’s got a sore arm and a spiteful mother.

She's 9 and on school holidays. It'll take a few minutes to wash and condition her hair.

There’s being right and there’s being kind.

Just go and help her.

She's 9, show some kindness. It's a lovely evening here, I would have lost track of time too.

A nine year old can easily loose track of time while playing/ forget to take a watch. You are expecting too much of her.

Is she finding it difficult to was her hair because of her grazed arm? It’s cruel to make her suffer.

She's got a badly grazed arm.

Now is not the time to tackle the consequences/actions thing.

Glad you're going to help her, what a weird way to punish a 9 year old. Also, should be glad she wants to be out playing and not zombied out in front of a screen! Encourage that.

Why didn't you just shout her in at 8.30? Were you trying to catch her out?

If you wanted her in by 8.30 you should have been firmer.

She’s injured. Be nice.

she never accepts the consequences of her actions

But how was she to know that she was past the curfew if she didn't have her watch on?

You're being very unfair imo

She needs help because she hurt herself. It's not nice not to help her. You should have called her at 8.30pm if that's when she was due home.
Personally I think 8.30 pm/9pm is really quite late for a 9 year old to be out - even in the school holidays. The fact that she wasn't checking the time (because she's 9 and 9 year olds aren't great time keepers) sort of shows that.

I think I would have called her in in time to get help. It doesn't seem very logical not helping because it's late, it'll make her even later.

I don't know really - my 10 year old isn't really accustomed to doing his own timekeeping yet (one to work on in the next year!) so maybe I have low expectations.

I definitely see your point and think 9 is old enough to take responsibility for following rules.

I would go help her though in this circumstance

Maybe different if she was 12, but 9 is harsh

Sounds a bit mean to me on various fronts. If she is only 9, she can probably get away without washing it a couple of days. And I wouldn't really expect a child that age to do it all alone anyway. And I know people have different norms, but you let a 9yo play out till 9pm (or 8.30) by themselves! I wouldn't let my 13yo do that, he's in bed by 9!

My dd wasn't allowed out unsupervised at 9. Please don't bring assisting with personal hygiene into punishments. That's bloody awful.

She’s only 9! Bloody hell

For a start, you just bring her in when her time is up. That’s the consequence - she loses that choice to regulate herself.

Her hair needs washing. She obviously can’t manage it.

Too about a 9 year old being out to play at 8:30/9pm to even respond to the thread! I remember sprinting home from friends houses to be indoors for 9pm curfew during school holidays when I was 14/15! Jeez.

Right, I accept I'm being harsh and have helped her.
I'm not worried about her on screens: she's out a lot.
I wasn't trying to be spiteful. More that I want her to take responsibility - I've other kids to get to bed which is why I would have done it earlier but it is harder now. Bed time has been pushed back for now. It might be the holidays but that doesn't mean we don't have to be up in the morning.
We've agreed she'll find her watch before she goes out tomorrow. I've said sorry for not helping sooner.