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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu about washing hair?

121 replies

haudyer · 29/07/2019 21:12

DD fell yesterday and grazed her arm quite badly. Her hair needs washing and I agreed it could wait until today. She wanted to go out to play after dinner and I said I'd help her with her hair provided she was back by eight thirty. I had to call her in at nine - she's now in a massive strop as I told her she's on her own with hair washing. She says she didn't know the time as she doesn't know where her watch is. I say the options were clear before she went out and she should have found her watch / asked a friend to tell her the time. She's crying in the bath as I won't help her. AIBU? too harsh? She's 9.

OP posts:

MrsMop7 · 29/07/2019 22:13

Her personal hygiene is not being neglected by refusing to help with washing her hair on one occasion.

Of course it is. You don't refuse to help your kid wash to punish them.

MrsMop7 · 29/07/2019 22:14

She was out the front with her friends and could be seen from the house

'Hey, DC, it's time to come in now'

Gruntvsgunt · 29/07/2019 22:19

@Butterfly98 you appear to have a very poor understanding of psychosis!

OKBobble · 29/07/2019 22:19

Your 9 year old is out unsupervised at 9pm...

My thoughts too. I don't buy the I could see her. If you could you would have called her in not just wait until she was half an hour late!

HelpIcantfindaname · 29/07/2019 22:23

I've just ordered DD10 a GPs watch so she can have a little more freedom. She sometimes takes our dog on the field across the road...which I can see, but has asked to go to the park, which is out of view of our house. She also wants to ride her bike around the block & go to the shop. When her grown up half siblings were her age my DDs went to places together, which gave me peace of mind. The watch means I can see where she is, she can ring me & I can ring her to remind her to come in. It has an SOS button too. And if she takes it off I get an alert. Plus I can set a boundary & if she goes out of it I get an alert. It also counts her steps which is the part she is really keen on.
Now I just need to get her used to wearing it all the time.
(DS30 says I am stalking my child...and asked when she will learn to do things like coming in on time responsibly herself...but we will use the watch to help work towards that.)

When DD10 does something wrong she usually uses screen time. Shes not actually that great at washing her own hair...I usually check she has rinsed it properly.

katy1111 · 29/07/2019 22:24

Of course it is. You don't refuse to help your kid wash to punish them.

No, it's not. The daughter is 9, she is capable of washing her own hair.

Butterfly98 · 29/07/2019 22:24

@BlackCatSleeping oh really? So you obviously think the OP is "lovely and kind" to leave her 9 yr old daughter crying in the bath with a grazed arm instead of me for disagreeing with her in the first place? The OP asked for opinions and I gave mine. She's now trying to back track by apologising when clearly she shouldn't have come up with this cruel form of punishment in the first place. I wouldn't want to know either of you in RL

ysmaem · 29/07/2019 22:25

YABU. How horrible of you. She's 9 ffs. Acceptable consequences of coming in late should be no tv, no games consoles, earlier curfew etc not refusing to help her wash. That's just spiteful and downright cruel.

growlingbear · 29/07/2019 22:25

What a weird punishment OP. If she's back late tonight then she can't go out to play tomorrow. But refusing to help an injured child stay clean is just bizarre.

Lamentations · 29/07/2019 22:27

I hardly think it's fair to label the OP 'a spiteful mum'. She asked on here because she was doubting a parenting decision and then went to help her DD when a couple of people said she was being too hard on her. Good grief.

RaggeddeeAnn · 29/07/2019 22:32

Helping your 9 yr old with personal hygiene should NEVER be dependent on obeying you on anything. Certain responsibilities of being the parent should be a given no matter how badly a child behaves. Hygiene, food, clean clothes, safe warm place to sleep, love and so on are not optional for you to provide only if your child is “good.” That’s called conditionality and is a form of emotional abuse...it allows no room for the fact that kids are wildly inexperienced and imperfect humans.

RochelleGoyle · 29/07/2019 22:33

She's 9, it's summer and she's genuinely hurt herself. Help her.

fernsfordays · 29/07/2019 22:34

Help her you meanie!

MrsMop7 · 29/07/2019 22:41

No, it's not. The daughter is 9, she is capable of washing her own hair.

Needthisdress · 29/07/2019 22:53

FGS some of the posters on here are vile. Of course this doesn’t make the OP a bad bloody mother. I’m glad you helped her OP and ignore the vipers.

tenmum · 29/07/2019 22:55

But she's 9 :-(

WillLokireturn · 29/07/2019 23:00

OP asked a question, she had some different perspectives listened and has helped her DD wash and dry her hair. As it made her rethink, whether this as a consequence ans teachable moment or a but harsh. That's why she asked! And listened!

I don't know why PPs are going on at her now.

MondeoFan · 29/07/2019 23:03

Yes you're being mean 9 is too young for that argument

tolerable · 29/07/2019 23:33

op.youre being minced.unfairly.
as was the hell will mend you punishment,butchu took that on board. dont worry bout the free to roam til 9 .youre doing good mumming.x

MustShowDH · 29/07/2019 23:39

You let your 9yr old out until 8:30 unsupervised and you think she's the one in the wrong?

How did she 'fall and graze her arm quite badly'? Was she out unsupervised then too?

I have a 9yr old. I'm well aware our relationship will be strained during upcoming puberty and teenage years, (I'm 43 and still don't get on with my own mother due to how bad we were.) I'm doing the best I can to build the bond with my own daughter now.

Deadringer · 29/07/2019 23:39

God what a big fuss about nothing, not you op, other posters. You refused to help her then you relented, you even apologised. Newsflash, nobody is perfect all the time.

Oswin · 29/07/2019 23:46

Mustshow does your child never 9lay outside unsupervised?

MustShowDH · 29/07/2019 23:50

She was only 9 last month, so no. its not a 'thing' in our village. If kids are playing out on the Cricket pitch or whatever they'll always be one or two parents sat on a bench nearby to keep an eye. General rule with all the mums at school is we'll let them in Yr6 / or when they change school.

NoSquirrels · 29/07/2019 23:55

I've just ordered DD10 a GPs watch so she can have a little more freedom.
HelpIcant - what have you ordered? This sounds like something useful!

ok. perspective is good. thank you for the replies.
OP, you sound like a great parent and a normal human being.

HappyBumbleBee · 29/07/2019 23:59

She's 9 years old not a teenager who has started out longer to push boundaries!
Where was she playing? Hopefully within ear shot of your home so you could easily supervise her and call her in when it's time!
Yes yabu!!!

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