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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu about washing hair?

121 replies

haudyer · 29/07/2019 21:12

DD fell yesterday and grazed her arm quite badly. Her hair needs washing and I agreed it could wait until today. She wanted to go out to play after dinner and I said I'd help her with her hair provided she was back by eight thirty. I had to call her in at nine - she's now in a massive strop as I told her she's on her own with hair washing. She says she didn't know the time as she doesn't know where her watch is. I say the options were clear before she went out and she should have found her watch / asked a friend to tell her the time. She's crying in the bath as I won't help her. AIBU? too harsh? She's 9.

OP posts:
MarieBaroneIsMyMom · 30/07/2019 00:02

Hygiene isn’t a consequence.

spacedone · 30/07/2019 00:24

I played out the front when I was 9. Came in when it was dark or my mum called me. I don't think a 9 year old can be that responsible with time keeping.

I've other kids to get to bed which is why I would have done it earlier but it is harder now. Bed time has been pushed back for now. It might be the holidays but that doesn't mean we don't have to be up in the morning.

You had time to post on MN. The punishment did not fit the crime.

SuzieQQQ · 30/07/2019 01:24

You sound awful

OkPedro · 30/07/2019 01:34

Mn is so different to the world I live in.. where do pps live that they can’t or don’t allow their 9 year olds out to play at 8.30pm in the summer?
As a kid I don’t think I was ever home before 10pm in the summer. We played close by but our parents couldn’t see us.
op I understand you want to teach your daughter personal responsibility, consequences. My daughter is almost 11 and we’re getting there. My almost 8 year is a long way off!

MummyMcCracken · 30/07/2019 01:37

Next time if she’s out past curfew call her I’m, especially if she didn’t have her watch at the time. At least you’ve learnt from your mistake.

OneHanded · 30/07/2019 01:41

She’s nine, she’s hurt her arm as it is, and it’s been a beautiful summer. Helping will take two minutes. She’s done nothing wrong compared to the upset you’re causing.

Monty27 · 30/07/2019 01:47

Shame you thought that would be ok OP. Your poor dd. Sad
I hope you feel awful.

BusterGonad · 30/07/2019 02:46

My 10yo hasn't got a clue about time keeping, can't wash his own hair, would be distraught if I punished him in this way! He's still a baby tbh! Blush

TwistyTop · 30/07/2019 03:39

Genuine question, not trying to be goady here - is it normal for a 9 yr old to need help washing their hair?

My kids are still very little so I haven't gotten to this stage yet, but I had been washing my own hair for years by that age. (My mum was a bit neglectful so it's hard for me to judge what about my childhood was normal and what wasn't)

TwistyTop · 30/07/2019 03:41

Oh but I do agree that it's a bit much to expect her to be so sharp on the time keeping. I imagine a lot of 9 yr Olds would really struggle with that

skybluee · 30/07/2019 04:09

I understand what you were trying to teach her but it was the wrong kind of punishment because it was 1. linked to hygiene and 2. resulted in pain for her.

spacedone · 30/07/2019 04:20

@TwistyTop my kids washed their own hair but I'd have to tell them to do it and check they'd got the product out properly.

StarlightLady · 30/07/2019 04:23

I am amazed that this minor thing has become so much of a significsnt issue that it requires posting on a public forum.

Think what you will have to contend with at 14/15.

TeddybearBaby · 30/07/2019 04:28

Not sure if you’re still reading op but I’ve been there when I’ve lost touch with reality momentarily and made a stupid judgement. The great thing is you asked for help, listened and apologised.

All the kids in my neighbourhood are out until about 10pm as well so not shocked by that!

I reckon she is probably your eldest. My son is 12 and I hold him to standards that are probably too old sometimes tbh. Takes my sisters to tell me I’m being unreasonable rather than this forum which is probably much gentler 😂 💐

Newmumma83 · 30/07/2019 04:59

Your not a terrible person ignore who say so takes a bigger person to admit they may be wrong you did a fab follow up job x x

lawnmowingsucks · 30/07/2019 05:29

Well done @haudyer for admitting that you think you got it wrong and for putting a new strategy into action. So many posters ask AIBU and are then told 100% yes but continue to argue the toss.

I'm impressed with you ThanksThanksThanks

bernietaupinspen · 30/07/2019 08:20

Genuine question, not trying to be goady here - is it normal for a 9 yr old to need help washing their hair?

No. The OPDD injured her elbow hence needing help.

Nanny0gg · 30/07/2019 08:54

It's certainly normal these days for people not to RTFT !!

Glitterblue · 30/07/2019 09:11

I'm glad you helped her. I don't understand why you didn't shout her in when 8.30 had passed - was she playing somewhere out of the garden? That's late for a 9 year old and I'd have been really worried if mine hadn't appeared by the time I said, not that she's allowed out of the garden on her own. I think you were harsh when she didn't know the time and didn't have her watch, 9 is still very young to be doing her own time keeping. But, you listened to others' opinions and took them on board and you did apologise. Hope her arm isn't too sore, bless her.

bernietaupinspen · 30/07/2019 09:13

@Glitterblue

OP said she could see her DD out the front the whole time. Begs the question why, doesn't it?

It's almost as if she was set up to fail Sad

HelpIcantfindaname · 30/07/2019 09:46

No squirrels
Here is the link..

kidsnav.com/

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