did I say the wrong thing?

[itstimeforslime]

I work for a large organisation and so does a close friend of mine but she works for another department. We have been friends since we were children so this isn’t a work friendship.

Anyway my friend finished up on maternity leave a few weeks ago and had an elective c section last Wednesday.

She’d told us all weeks and weeks ago what date it was and I’d texted her on Wednesday morning to wish her luck.

On the Wednesday morning on the way into work I bumped into my friend’s boss who I know and we were chatting and my friend came up in the conversation. Her boss knows we’re friends and she’s a lovely woman. When she asked about her I said “oh she’s having her section today.”

Her boss must have texted her to wish her luck and today I got a rather sharp message from her stating that I should never have mentioned her section date to her boss and it was none of her business and I should have known to keep it quiet.

I’ve had two elective sections and it wasn’t a secret about the date but Obviously if she’d told me to keep the date a secret I would have.

My DH thinks she is being unreasonable and quite nasty about it.

I messaged her back to apologise and I did say that at no point did she ask me to not tell anyone what date her section was booked.

She responded to say I should just have known

Aibu to just tell her she’s being ridiculous or was I being unseasonable to not know that I was to keep it a secret?

Also YABU to tell her she’s being ridiculous a) because she’s not and b) she’s just had a baby so cut her some slack even if you disagree with her

She is being ridiculous, but no, I wouldn't tell her. Anyway, she will soon forget all that silly trifle once baby is here. Too much on her plate and her scar will hurt like hell. Been there.

I can't believe anyone genuinely thinks people are telepathically meant to know what's a secret and what isn't! The fact a pregnant woman is having a baby isn't a secret ffs, it's going to happen to all pregnant women at some point! it's just conversation.

Not really the point that she was obviously going to have the baby at some point. It's her news to tell, not yours and it certainly wasn't your news to tell her boss! Doesn't matter that she didn't tell you it was a secret, why would you start telling her boss, obviously if she had wanted her boss to know the date she would have told her, not your place. Also the fact that you've "dropped off loads of baby bits with little thanks" sounds like you've been overstepping there too and that she probably didn't want all your old stuff.

If it's split down the middle it's between gossips and those reasonable people who know not to divulgetheir friend personal information.

These posters saying there's nothing wrong and it's just the same as saying she's gone into labour. WTF. Yes it is, and that is something else you shouldn't tell people about.

How is it gossip? Gossiping is malicious and spreading rumours and unconfirmed facts.

Please stop hyperbolising and sensationalising a conversation I had where I passed on factual information to someone I considered to be my friend’s friend.

FWIW the sister of one of the girls in our WhatsApp group messaged said friend and wished her luck for her section and they’re being pilloried for passing on their best wishes.

From that update it sounds like your friend is getting more anxious now the Event is approaching, and is feeling out of control; that feeling is exacerbated whenever someone else unexpectedly mentions the Event, as they're the ones with whom she can (subconsciously) pretend it isn't happening.

I'd just give her a bit of space atm, I think. In a few years time she will be marvelling at how batshit someone else is about privacy/their due date etc, and you can gently point out how she was then. Not before though!

@ContessaLovesTheSunshine

The baby is now a week old. She’s giving anyone who messaged her wishing her luck grief.

I get she’s had a baby - I’ve had three myself - but it’s getting to the point where she’s being downright rude to people.

Our friend’s sister sent her a message last week saying “Lucy said today’s the big day. Hope all goes well and I’ll be thinking about you.” And the poor girl has been hit with a message about how wrong she was to contact her. Not to mention my friend who told her sister had been severely reprimanded 😂

In that case I think she's feeling massively out of control in general and is struggling!

Leave her alone, it's clearly what she wants for now. Try not to eye roll when she complains no-one has been in touch!

I agree. That doesn’t seem ‘right’ somehow. Give her the distance she craves for now...check in in a few weeks if she hasn’t got in touch herself.

The boss will know the birth date though surely? So she would have known following the section that it was today. I don’t think YABU.

Ah well, at least it's not just you gouge doghouse now OP! She'll have told off everyone she knows at this rate. Perhaps they are preparing a dramatic baby arrival and name announcement and wanted a suitably hushed silence beforehand.

I don't understand your friend: her MATB1 form will have due date on anyway, which will have been given to her boss? Granted the form will have been typed up a while ago and may have a differing date on it, but the boss will end up knowing the date for HR reasons. It can't be for maternity reasons, you don't get X time from the date you give birth, you get it from the agreed date with your employer, so her boss will know that. Chalk it up to emotions.

You can never be wrong, can you OP. There's always so-and-so's friend's sister's experience available to back you up, isn't there.

Let's just remind ourselves that your original AIBU was not your title, 'did I say the wrong thing'. It was: Should I verbally stick the boot into my 'friend' five days post-partum' because she got a bit upset with me on the day of her section?

You should have stopped referring to yourself as her 'friend' a long time ago.

It appears that your only interest in continuing this relationship, is in the opportunity it provides to make yourself feel self-righteous, by pillorying her, as widely and publicly as possible.

Leave the poor woman alone. Stop gossiping about her.

Ehh calm it down to a frenzy there Lottie.

From you last post I'd be giving her a wide berth. She sounds like a drama queen. You better not send her a card in case she gets offended!

I am calm. I am also disgusted.

Yes you’re very calm.

I can sense how calm you are through your posts.

A friend would see that this new mother is stressed and struggling a bit in the earliest days of motherhood and her feelings would be sympathetic. She might wonder whether the best thing to do was give her space until contacted again, or offer support.

OP instead is talking about this woman with all their mutual aquaintances, delighting in collecting negative gossip about her.

Please explain how OP can possibly be viewed as a 'friend' to this woman.

If this is out of character for her then I’d be extremely worried. If not then it’s time to distance yourself because after your last update she’s utterly batshit.

Well ok...but you’re making a lot presumptions too...and being extremely negative based on those yourself.

Best advice, leave the lady alone for now.

Me? No, I've just read the thread. Look at her OP and read for yourself what her AIBU actually was. Then look at how she's responded to people, what she's said and what she's determinedly ignored. (Or don't of course, life is too short. But I have).

PS: YANBU to think 'how ridiculous!' YWBVVU to contact her, or any new mother, to tell her how ridiculous you think she is.