Using my child to illustrate a horrible scenario AIBU?

[CJ201]

Sorry if my title isn't clear but I didn't really know what to put. I'll describe what has happened though and tell me your thoughts. I was out for lunch with a friend and she was telling me that her DBro has slowly over time gone NC with her, her DM & Dad. It's not clear what has happened but my friend feels like it's her DBro wife who is behind it and has caused the rift. I listened to her and I really felt for her as I could see how upset she was. Then she goes...'How would you feel if ( my DS name) did that?' It immediately got my back up so I turned it around. I said I would feel sad and then asked her, how would she feel if ( her DS name) did the same to her? I could see she did not like it and the subject got changed.

AIBU? I feel weird about it. Why drag my young child into it? It's not the first time this has happened to me, it's happened before with another person and about a different issue. I think I get angry when my child gets dragged into something, even if it's an imaginary scenario!

If this has happened to you more than once, then perhaps some introspection is in order. Maybe you're not coming across as empathetic as you think you are. If she's your friend, you could ask her why she felt the need to ask you in that way. Something like, "why did you ask how I would feel if X happened? Did you think I wasn't getting it?"

Dear god the crazies are out in force today. This was seriously worth a thread?!

The only person I know who does this is my MiL and it’s usually when she’s said something a bit mad and it’s probably clear I don’t agree with her. She really likes people to agree with her so pulls the how would you feel if argument out. I think it’s quite an immature thing to say, but not much beyond that.

It’s not “bringing your children” into it in any meaningful sense though

You sound utterly batshit

I felt attacked I guess. My kids are off limits

🙄 Absolute Drama llama

I am empathic, thoughtful and most importantly I am Myself! I'm genuine. I don't like someone trying to provoke a reaction out of me.

OP, I think your friend just can't handle you because you're too REAL.

You sound lovely.

OP I don’t think you are coming across as empathetic at all. She is sharing a very serious problem with you, and here you, slating her on a forum. So what if in your eyes you think she made a faux pas by “bringing your child into it” - Even if that was a big no no, you know she is distressed by what’s going on with her family, so why would you not cut her some slack rather than slag her off online? I think what you’re doing is way worse than what she did or said. If I was your friend and reading this, I’d be upset that you couldn’t look past this one very small thing that she said, and that you couldn’t look at the wider picture of what she is going through. Now that’s what true empathy is

Sorry, but you're being really precious.

Oh Jesus Christ, what?

Worra - to respond to your question from ages ago I just get the sense that it may have been done in order to get a rise out of the OP.

If someone was telling you about their leg getting broken, eg, and for whatever reason they didn’t think you were being sufficiently sympathetic, for them to say “what if you or your DS had his leg snapped in two, and was in agony?!” would be an aggressive response, intended as such. It would be ‘imagine the pain on you and/or your child.”

It’s not a neutral, explanatory thing to say, it’s got some malice in it. That’s my impression anyway.

What a drama queen you are, and it continues on this thread because the majority don't agree with you.

You sound like a great friend.. not.

YABU, over sensitive and ridiculously over dramatic.
She probably didn’t like you asking about her child because it looked ridiculously petty.

I am still to meet a single person who describes themselves as "empathetic" who actually are. It's like people who go on and on about how smart they are. When you need to emphasise all the time how insert good human quality you are, it's because you are not.

And you have just proved the rule again.

OP, you are not empathetic, you are not a good listener, and you're most definitely not a reflective listener. I am sure you're "yourself", but that does not need to be a good thing. Even having only your side of the events, you sound like a self-absorbed, arrogant, over-reacting twat. With a massive chip on your shoulder to top it off.

I strongly recommend you to pull that big head of yours out of your own arse and work on a bit of self-awareness. Your reaction to your friend's comment was ridiculous and absurd. I suspect she will not be a friend of your for much longer, anyway, and she will not be the loser for it.

I know what you mean OP !

YABU - I don't think your emphatic as you think.

BUT what caught my eye was that you asked her the same thing - THIS IS VERY CRUEL - she doesn't need to imagine it, she's going through it. This is such an awful thing to say to someone who is upset and struggling - asking that they magnify the hurt they are feeling.

Sorry for the caps but you clearly aren't taking on anyone's comments.

Seriously overthinking this. It was a discussion, at no point did she do more than allude to a hypothetical scenario. Move on.

You're being ridiculous.

Seriously, this sounds like quite normal conversation to me. She's asking you to put yourself in her shoes. She clearly felt that you weren't doing so, or she wouldn't have said it! Your response is off the chart.

I wonder how some MNers even leave th house. They must be either permanently paralysed with rage or ready to burst into tears at the slightest hint of a comment that doesn’t fit their list of acceptable responses.