Using my child to illustrate a horrible scenario AIBU?

[CJ201]

Sorry if my title isn't clear but I didn't really know what to put. I'll describe what has happened though and tell me your thoughts. I was out for lunch with a friend and she was telling me that her DBro has slowly over time gone NC with her, her DM & Dad. It's not clear what has happened but my friend feels like it's her DBro wife who is behind it and has caused the rift. I listened to her and I really felt for her as I could see how upset she was. Then she goes...'How would you feel if ( my DS name) did that?' It immediately got my back up so I turned it around. I said I would feel sad and then asked her, how would she feel if ( her DS name) did the same to her? I could see she did not like it and the subject got changed.

AIBU? I feel weird about it. Why drag my young child into it? It's not the first time this has happened to me, it's happened before with another person and about a different issue. I think I get angry when my child gets dragged into something, even if it's an imaginary scenario!

Yes you are overthinking this

Unless your child was present and she asked him for his input then he really wasn't dragged into it! It was an imaginary situation you need to chill out!

I am empathic, thoughtful and most importantly I am Myself! I'm genuine. I don't like someone trying to provoke a reaction out of me.

And using my child to do so!

Blimey, are you always this much hard work?

Plus you sound like you’ve done an afternoon course on Listening Skills and think you know it all.

Well then, she’s obviously feeling very alone in this and doesn’t have anyone to talk to about exactly how she feels.

She was wondering how you’d feel as a parent, as it’s her DB and her parents who aren’t talking to her isn’t it?

Dear god you have strange notion of "using my child"

.... meanwhile, your poor friend has been rejected by her family and yet you’re discussing the discussion she had with you about it. Madness.

You're definitely over thinking this ridiculously. I bet when you try to change it to her DS she realised you were annoyed.

Blimey. Some friend you are.

Jesus Christ.
I need a drink just reading this.

So why did you “bring her child into it” to use your own phrase?!

Why is your kid “off limits” and not hers?

This woman was sharing her emotions about a difficult situation and you slammed her and labelled her bitter!

Nothing you’ve said indicates an understanding of empathy at all, sound like you just say there and grey rocked her and then lashed out at her.

Good for you for having boundaries, completely respect that, but you also have two separate examples of people becoming frustrated with you seemingly not being able to show them you understand how they are feeling and how hard that is for them.

Jeezo you sound like hard work.

I am empathic, thoughtful and most importantly I am Myself! I'm genuine. I don't like someone trying to provoke a reaction out of me.

IF you are then you need to work on showing it. Doesn't come across in your posts at all.

Your friend is upset for herself and her parents and imagining how that feels especially for her parents is not unusual.

The way you have reacted is very unsupportive. It appears you have sat quietly then only joined in to snap "imagine it was your child"

Seriously......imagine it was your child or sibling and how awful it would be if you didnt even know what you did wrong. What would you want to hear from a friend?

Words like, "i cant even imagine, your poor parents, it must be so hard. How are they coping? It's good they have you I am sure you are a good support. I wish I could help. I hope your brother sees sense soon"

R u ok hun xx

OP you don’t come across as either empathic or a good listener tbh.

You are hard work

What the fuck?! You sound crazy. And absurdly precious about your child being used in a scenario- one which you clearly lacked empathy in. I hope your friend finds someone who is nice and genuine enough to talk to - not someone who is going to pretend to care. Jesus Christ - with friends like you!

OP, you are hard HARD work! She used your “precious “ DS in a hypothetical way, which massively upset you ( because you are overly-sensitive) But you were quite happy to do the same to her weren’t you! Can you explain how that was okay?

^I don't like someone trying to provoke a reaction out of me...
And using my child to do so!^

She wasn’t though. She was using an analogy to help you understand her feelings. Instead of being ‘empathetic’ you made it all about you and got defensive-aggressive.

OP you sound like an absolute drama llama!!

Your friend made conversation and you totally overreacted.

OP, I can't believe you think you're empathetic and thoughtful when you've managed to make your friend's family problems all about yourself!

I am not an emotional toilet

😂😂😂😂😂😂

How the fuck is this website still free?!

I am empathic, thoughtful and most importantly I am Myself!

So you think. I suspect others may not. And by your posts "Yourself" sounds self-absorbed and quite the opposite of thoughtful... As others have asked but you haven't yet answered - why was it NOT okay for your friend to mention your child, but it was okay to hurl it back at her? That sounds like tit-for-tat which is basically kicking someone when they are clearly down which is quite the opposite of empathic and thoughtful.