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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not give her a lift?

110 replies

KitKat1985 · 28/07/2019 22:00

Work colleague X used to live on my route home from work. She used to ask constantly for lifts, and to be honest it became a bit of pain as I used to have to wait for her to finish chatting to colleagues etc at the end of our shifts before I could leave, and also meant I couldn't just chill and listen to some music on the way to and from work and instead had to make awkward conversation. Anyway I got to find it quite annoying but didn't really feel I could say no as I literally drove past her front door on my way anyway, so saying no would look a bit mean.

She was off work for several months and in the meantime has moved home. She recently returned to work and normally has been getting a lift with colleague Y who lives nearer her, but has recently been hinting a bit about me giving her a lift when she's not on the same shift as Y. She told she just lives off the roundabout near me. When she actually sent me her address though it turns out she actually lives about 10-15 minutes drive in the opposite direction to my house and work, which means picking her up would add about 20-30 mins to my journey. We also work pretty long and unsocial shift times, so for example picking her up in the morning would mean getting up at 5am therefore rather than 5.30am, and a lift home means getting home more like 10pm than 9.30pm, which is just a pain to be honest for something that's not my problem. I already struggle with exhaustion from working full time with 2 pre-school children and just like to make the most of whatever sleep / rest time I can get.

So today person Y wasn't able to give her a lift home and she asked for a lift this evening, and I said no. She cold shouldered me for most of the day. Was I being mean? If I knew it was a one off I wouldn't mind so much, but I just sense I'm being set up to give her lifts every time colleague Y isn't able to, and I just don't want to start it as a habit again, especially now it's completely out of my way to pick her up.

OP posts:
Ihatesundays · 28/07/2019 22:03

She’s a CF

Pipandmum · 28/07/2019 22:03

No you aren’t being mean. She’s taking advantage of you. Think no more about it. (And before I would have said to her : ‘I’m off now’ and walk out, not wait around.)

Ohyesiam · 28/07/2019 22:03

30 mins extra drive? No way.
Well done for saying no.
I really believe in helping one another out, but this is too much

Cohle · 28/07/2019 22:04

God no, you're doing the right thing. Expecting you to go 20-30 minutes out of your way on an ongoing basis is totally unreasonable. Much easier to put up with a couple of days of huffiness now than find yourself embroiled in the same situation all over again.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2019 22:04

Let her have her tantrum. You're not a fucking car service and her transportation issues are not your problem.

Charley50 · 28/07/2019 22:05

Stand your ground. Yes she's a cheeky fucking fucker.
Who does this?!

TwistyTop · 28/07/2019 22:05

Not at all. You aren't obliged to give her a lift, she doesn't even live near you. She's a grown up, she needs to sort her own transport.

If you say no enough times she will stop asking

giantnannyknickers · 28/07/2019 22:05

Ah here she's having a laugh! Is she going to pay ya?

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 28/07/2019 22:07

No way especially when you need to get back for children. Can't believe she'd even ask!

KitKat1985 · 28/07/2019 22:09

Okay thank you, you've made me feel a bit better. I'm a bit of a people pleaser and I don't like upsetting people, but I just don't want to start this as a regular thing again.

I've got a feeling she's going to ask again though so I think I may have more huffing to come in the future, but I think I just need to stand firm and say no and hopefully she'll get the hint and stop asking after a while.

OP posts:
Atlasta · 28/07/2019 22:10

Well done saying No.

NuttyOrNice · 28/07/2019 22:15

Of course YANBU but I suspect you already knew that 😊

Beautiful3 · 28/07/2019 22:16

No, you did the right thing because it's not on your way at all! Well done for saying no.

KitKat1985 · 28/07/2019 22:17

Nutty I was a bit firmer in my conviction earlier today (I'm recently been trialling a general 'not my fucking problem' approach to life when faced with requests from others), but DH made some comment when I got home about her struggling to get home on a Sunday evening on public transport, and it did make me feel a bit guilty.

OP posts:
SilentAlarm · 28/07/2019 22:19

Taxi companies will be working sundays. Don’t feel guilty.

tashakg89 · 28/07/2019 22:20

Just tell her no and if she's funny explain why.
I had this a few years back when I was pregnant I had one lady who was sort of on the way to work which was fine at first but then would ask my to go a different way home to then drop a different colleague off then drop the first one off and then another started wanting a lift and I had all three to drop off on way home. Added 30/40 mins on to my journey after doing shift work and was exhausted. Went on maternity at 32 weeks just to get away from it all. would never let people take advantage like that now!

shesgrownhorns · 28/07/2019 22:21

Tell your DH to pick her up then!

couchparsnip · 28/07/2019 22:21

Totally not your problem. She shouldn't have taken the job if she couldn't sort out transport.

Cohle · 28/07/2019 22:21

Ugh, that's not very helpful of your DH - it's not him that's having to make cheery chat at the end of a tiring shift. Although I presume he realises that he is effectively subsiding this woman's transport costs, because it doesn't sound like she's chipping in for petrol?

fedup21 · 28/07/2019 22:21

There are so many threads on here about CF people expecting lifts-it’s so rude and entitled!

I would have no qualms at all about saying no.

StCharlotte · 28/07/2019 22:22

Just tell her you simply don't have a spare HOUR a day!

Stay strong OP Smile

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 28/07/2019 22:22

YANBU as she’s taken the piss previously

Yes she may struggle on a Sunday but how does she plan to travel to and from work without relying on colleagues? Therefore, her problem.

Or charge a decent petrol / inconvenience rate £5/10 a day? Cheaper than a taxi but more expensive than a bus and that’s an extra £25-£50 a week into your pocket? But I’d probably value sleep if you can get extra in.

ashtrayheart · 28/07/2019 22:23

Don’t back down, if she never speaks to you again it’s a bonus!

iheartroycropper · 28/07/2019 22:24

I'm a bit of a people pleaser and I don't like upsetting people this is where cf come into their own. They know this and hold their nerve in they hope you give in, which you probably normally do for an easy life.
Hold your nerve, if they get huffy/cold shouldery etc then don’t let it bother you. Come on op, don’t be a pushover

RaggeddeeAnn · 28/07/2019 22:24

You could offer to drive her for £5 a trip or something. Whatever is going bus fare. It’s out of your way and it costs you time and money to drive her. Just say you’re like Uber but giving her mates rates.
If you can’t spare the time, then just say so. Say how that half hour means you don’t get to kiss your kids good night. And that family comes first.