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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not give her a lift?

110 replies

KitKat1985 · 28/07/2019 22:00

Work colleague X used to live on my route home from work. She used to ask constantly for lifts, and to be honest it became a bit of pain as I used to have to wait for her to finish chatting to colleagues etc at the end of our shifts before I could leave, and also meant I couldn't just chill and listen to some music on the way to and from work and instead had to make awkward conversation. Anyway I got to find it quite annoying but didn't really feel I could say no as I literally drove past her front door on my way anyway, so saying no would look a bit mean.

She was off work for several months and in the meantime has moved home. She recently returned to work and normally has been getting a lift with colleague Y who lives nearer her, but has recently been hinting a bit about me giving her a lift when she's not on the same shift as Y. She told she just lives off the roundabout near me. When she actually sent me her address though it turns out she actually lives about 10-15 minutes drive in the opposite direction to my house and work, which means picking her up would add about 20-30 mins to my journey. We also work pretty long and unsocial shift times, so for example picking her up in the morning would mean getting up at 5am therefore rather than 5.30am, and a lift home means getting home more like 10pm than 9.30pm, which is just a pain to be honest for something that's not my problem. I already struggle with exhaustion from working full time with 2 pre-school children and just like to make the most of whatever sleep / rest time I can get.

So today person Y wasn't able to give her a lift home and she asked for a lift this evening, and I said no. She cold shouldered me for most of the day. Was I being mean? If I knew it was a one off I wouldn't mind so much, but I just sense I'm being set up to give her lifts every time colleague Y isn't able to, and I just don't want to start it as a habit again, especially now it's completely out of my way to pick her up.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/07/2019 11:27

She did give me petrol money but I hated and resented the fact that when her husband was off work I was still expected to go for her while he got to lounge in bed and then i.got stuck dropping her kids off to her in-laws as well in the hols..which meant another detour..

It can almost be a mixed blessing when people do give petrol money as, then, it gives some a sense of entitlement. Even though it's invariably a fraction of what they'd pay for a taxi (or even maybe for a bus) - and may well not actually cover the additional cost of the driver going out of their way to fetch them and drop them off - to their minds, they're paying for a service and subsidising your costs, so they owe you no gratitude at all; in fact, you should be grateful to them.

I must add that there are plenty of non-drivers/lift-sharers who do appreciate and respect the driver and who will pay their way, not be demanding and make it a mutually-convenient set-up for them both.

1ditzymare · 30/07/2019 11:32

No you are not being unreasonable at all. Its awful getting lumbered with giving someone a lift, I used to give someone one and had to go back on myself by about 5 mins to get her on a morning and then she would always be late, making us both late. It drove me mad. I'm too much of a soft touch and it took us moving house to finally get rid of her! You did right x

fedup21 · 30/07/2019 15:23

Is she still blanking you??

gingerbiscuits · 30/07/2019 15:50

You're def not being mean- she's a massive cheeky cow & should have considered her means of getting to & from work when she took the job & also moved house!! That's what the rest of us have to do!! Don't give it a second thought!!

BlueSkiesLies · 30/07/2019 15:53

I'd do it for £10 a lift...

LadyRannaldini · 30/07/2019 15:57

The boss people at my school once employed a TA, a very nice woman, and told her that I would be able to bring her and take her home! When I said No, guess who was the baddie but I used to love the drive into work with no distractions, it was the only time of the day that no-one was after me to do something or other.

fedup21 · 30/07/2019 15:58

The boss people at my school once employed a TA, a very nice woman, and told her that I would be able to bring her and take her home! When I said No, guess who was the baddie

What a cheek!

Who told her this and what happened when you said no!?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/07/2019 15:58

Stand firm, OP, she is very very cheeky.

As others have said, why on earth would she move further away from work when she was struggling to get in from her previous house? Confused

Just keep repeating, 'Sorry I just don't have the extra time to spare now you've moved in the opposite direction.'

Norma27 · 30/07/2019 17:08

I once had my bosses tell a prospective employee that if they needed somewhere to live I had a spare bedroom!
I wasn’t looking for a lodger but had been kind enough to put up someone from another office for the night when asked (was someone I had met before and got along with). I was not impressed!

5foot5 · 30/07/2019 17:08

it became a bit of pain as I used to have to wait for her to finish chatting to colleagues etc at the end of our shifts before I could leave,

Wow. Even when you drove right past her door this behaviour would have been enough for me to want to stop giving her the lifts. She is clearly an entitled CF.

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