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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and FIL walking into our house

152 replies

FatAndFurious7 · 28/07/2019 18:37

My MIL and FIL live just around the corner from us. They're wonderful and we have a good relationship.. but they have a habit of just wandering into our house unannounced, without a meet up planned and come to find us wherever we are.. they don't even call / shout as they come in to announce they're here.

Luckily every time this has happened so far weve just been sat around or in the garden or something so not a problem. But were TTC at the mo so dtd a lot and randomly though the day and I'm so worried about them wandering in I've started locking the door all day!

AIBU or is this normal MIL / FIL behaviour. Should me or DH just flat out tell them to stop it?

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/07/2019 21:20

Lock your doors. And if they ask why, say it makes you nervous lately to think that anyone could just walk in.

Sunshineface123 · 28/07/2019 21:28

That's so weird! Just start locking your door and if they ask why just say you've become more safety conscious. Hope they don't have a key!!

LightDrizzle · 28/07/2019 21:39

Two friends last year had their cars stolen by thieves who opened their unlocked doors and found their keys while they were in the house!
Similarly thieves stole silverware from my mum’s kitchen, she lives in a village and didn’t lock her door.
It would drive me mad to have people just turn up, never mind walk in. If you leave sorting this until you have a baby, it will be so much worse, it will be you keeping them away from their grandchild, rather than simply putting reasonable boundaries in place.
If you want to retain the good relationship you currently have, your DH needs to stop this, otherwise you will come to resent them which would be a shame.
Lock your door in any event though!

VenusTiger · 28/07/2019 21:41

Er no! My DM has keys to our house, but she never uses them. Always rings the bell and when she and my DF come to visit, it’s prearranged.

Put a chain on too!

Plain rude imo... knocking on internal doors is polite too, nevermind front doors!

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 28/07/2019 21:42

Why on earth are they stealthily creeping upstairs to find you instead of calling out from the hallway? Are they TRYING to catch you shagging?

Definitely start locking your doors for this, and safety / insurance reasons!

ememem84 · 28/07/2019 22:14

Fil does this at ours. But he has a key.

He last did it on Friday. I’m on mat leave and wasn’t expecting anyone in the house. Came downstairs and there he was with his girlfriend. Looking around. He’d come to borrow a ladder or something. I was frightened so screamed. They told me off for over reacting. I’m 39 weeks pregnant.

I asked for the key back but was very firmly told that it’s Dhs house not mine and therefore he decides who a key goes to (it’s our house...).

I went out after they’d gone and bought a chain for the door. And fitted it myself #smug

I told dh that I was frightened. He’s going to have a word. But I’ve said the chain stays on because once I’ve had baby I could be bf and don’t want anyone waking in on me.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 28/07/2019 22:14

Are they the Dentons from the League of Gentlemen? Maybe they see themselves as the overlords in the overall family breeding programme, which they have codenamed 'Operation Grandchild' and they're trying to monitor (and presumably keeping detailed records) to ensure that you're doing it correctly and often enough to maximise their your chances of success Grin

LellyMcKelly · 28/07/2019 22:19

Lock the door and have your DH’s big hairy arse on show in the lounge doing the needful. That should slow them down a bit.

CatInADoghouse · 28/07/2019 22:39

@ememem84 omg! I've just read your comment. I'm so shocked. That is so out of order! I'd be demanding that key back or I'd change the locks! That's your home! Would he like it if you went snooping around his house whilst he was out?! How intrusive! CF!!

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 28/07/2019 22:46

@ememem84 that’s horrible! I’d be changing the locks and telling your spiteful FIL to grow up

TriciaH87 · 28/07/2019 22:49

I was about to say are they using a key because if so tell them to stop its for if you get locked out not so they can let them selves in but then you said you have resorted to locking the door all day. If your in the garden or even upstairs your door should be locked anyway. Too many opportunistic thieves these days walking into houses picking up your car keys or purse and vanishing. If you leave your door unlocked your a sitting duck for the in-laws walking in, some low life scum taking all your valuables or some serial killer walking in(not likely but you get my point).

justasking111 · 28/07/2019 22:57

Was reading an article about leaving keys by the front door being a no no. We do not lock our front door when in, our family members just walk in, we used to live rurally and have kept up the habit. Our children have locks on their front door, back door, lock their cars, they are much more cautious than us. I would tell the in laws about concerns re theft, insurance, etc. so the place will be barricaded from now on.

BananaFace5 · 28/07/2019 23:05

@ememem84 definitely change the locks or add an extra lock or something. His attitude towards you stinks so he needs to be shown you and your dh are both serious about this

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 28/07/2019 23:08

Just lock your door like normal people!

Flashingsilver · 28/07/2019 23:12

MY ILs did this too
Chain on door, and locked.
After a couple of times of nearly yanking the chain off, they started to ring the door bell.
Who wants people walking in when you could well be doing other things 😊😊😂

Anonmummyoftwo · 28/07/2019 23:12

Leave a sex toy in full sight. If that dosnt stop keep adding more. Honestly but my ex mil and fil did this. 4 times i had to change the locks and ex kept giving them a key just incase. When i left ex his mum had the cheek to say she needed a key to my new house so she could check up on my kids.

Billballbaggins · 28/07/2019 23:20

Nip this in the bud before you have a baby, seriously this will drive you INSANE when you’ve got a little one, they’ll visit more and it’ll always be at the worst time. No excuse for creeping round your house.

And always lock your doors everyone! It doesn’t matter how ‘safe’ you believe your town/area is, it takes one opportunistic ratbag to try their luck and then you’re robbed or your car is stolen. Seriously always lock your door.

pallisers · 28/07/2019 23:21

@ememem84 definitely change the locks or add an extra lock or something. His attitude towards you stinks so he needs to be shown you and your dh are both serious about this

seriously. Change the locks and have your dh explain to him that it is your house as much as his. He sounds like an utter sexist plonker.

OP, lock the door. And also tell them you don't like people entering your house without you knowing it.

I knock on my children's bedroom doors before entering. I can't imagine just barging in - how awful and intrusive.

pallisers · 28/07/2019 23:22

When i left ex his mum had the cheek to say she needed a key to my new house so she could check up on my kids.

god there are some boundaryless people out there roaming free.

Yeahnahmum · 28/07/2019 23:23

Op: boohoo my pil come in to our house all the time
Mn: do you lock your front door?
Op: no

Lock your goddamn door.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/07/2019 23:25

I can't cope with unannounced guests, I just couldn't imagine walking into someone's house unless they knew we were coming. What happens if is not convenient, DH and I work from home sometimes and could be on a conference call, or have confidential files out.

Our front door is always locked. Back door is locked unless we are in the garden. We also have a dog who lets us know if there is anyone at the door.

For a number of years we never had family living nearby. If we were visiting parents we would probably just walk in but that was because they were expecting us (visit would have been arranged and they would be expecting us at a certain time).

Since DF died DM has now moved to the same town as us. She has mobility issues so can't walk to our house but we can walk to her flat, for which I have a key. I always phone to ask whether I can pop in before visiting and will always ring her doorbell before walking in and call out when I open the door.

timeisnotaline · 28/07/2019 23:31

He’s going to have a word.
ememem the only word your dh should have is it’s our house and if em wants the key back she gets it. And if you feel like scaring and then being rude to my heavily pregnant wife don’t bother coming round any time soon. Now, the key?
And change the locks if he doesn’t.
Anyway, I came on to help the op. Op- it’s summer. You need to spend all your at home time wandering around in your underwear ‘because it’s hot’ so your pil find you that way. Sooo much less embarrassing than being caught dtd but still a clear message.

CookPassBabtridge · 28/07/2019 23:38

Nevermind walking in, I think it's rude to just turn up unannounced in the first place. Agree with keeping door locked all the time!

Smokesandeats · 28/07/2019 23:44

It’s now clear why the burglary rate is so high with so many doors being left unlocked! Most thieves are looking for an easy target and a door that isn’t locked is like an invitation to a burglar, even in a ‘safe’ area.

Op, lock your door and if your pil have a key you’ll need to get the locks changed or fit a chain on the door.

Happynow001 · 28/07/2019 23:45

Lock the doors.
Yes to this

And tell DH to tell his parents you’re TTC so stop bloody just walking in
No to this! If they have no boundaries, even entering your bedroom now, think about them asking you for a regular progress report! Or even hinting knowingly at you whenever you see them!