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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL and FIL walking into our house

152 replies

FatAndFurious7 · 28/07/2019 18:37

My MIL and FIL live just around the corner from us. They're wonderful and we have a good relationship.. but they have a habit of just wandering into our house unannounced, without a meet up planned and come to find us wherever we are.. they don't even call / shout as they come in to announce they're here.

Luckily every time this has happened so far weve just been sat around or in the garden or something so not a problem. But were TTC at the mo so dtd a lot and randomly though the day and I'm so worried about them wandering in I've started locking the door all day!

AIBU or is this normal MIL / FIL behaviour. Should me or DH just flat out tell them to stop it?

OP posts:

thetimekeeper · 28/07/2019 19:54

Head round one day, sneak into their house and each of you creep up behind one of them and shout Boo!

Or another way...

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/07/2019 19:57

DH agrees and has actually spoken to them about it before but they have a habit of brushing it off as if we're being silly and we're family so it's fine

Oh dear; that's not just having their own little ways or being a bit thoughtless any more - it's deliberate, and definitely something to be squashed before any children arrive and the lure of grandkids makes them even worse

Personally I'd just lock the door and get DH to tell them exactly why

Whoops75 · 28/07/2019 19:58

Lock the door and leave the key in the lock.

DennisMailerWasHere · 28/07/2019 20:03

So your DH has told them it's a problem and they still do it

I'd honestly just start locking the door and tell them why, "it makes me uncomfortable".

aside from the shagging bit, it means you can't ever just go into the shower without clothes because you can't risk them wandering around before you get to the bedroom wardrobe... Etc

I also think this will be fucking horrible once you have kids. Imagine being home from hospital, still bleeding, leaking boobs out trying to establish breastfeeding, trying to keep stitches clean and aired.... And the in laws just wander around unannounced?! Wtf?!

This isn't normal in my family btw.

Lily019 · 28/07/2019 20:04

How intrusive!!If anyone wandered into my house unexpected, without knocking/calling , I promise I would jump out of my skin and likely whack them with whatever I had in my hand at the time. My adult son (lives at home) has at times come into the room quietly and I genuinely go all Ninja for a split second with the fright. Lock the doors, they evidently don't consider your privacy to be an issue but you do!

SaraNade · 28/07/2019 20:12

It makes it worse that you're DH has talked to them and they brushed it off. they are completely lacking in self-awareness and thought or consideration for your feelings.

I'd just say to them that they may walk in on you having sex, and ask them how they'd handle that? It might really make them think.

I would not put up with them walking in on my house like that another day longer. I really wouldn't. Their behaviour is so selfish, so inconsiderate and inappropriate. I, too, live in a small town. And also don't lock our doors. In fact, it's the kind of town you could duck down the shops and leave your doors unlocked, even while you're out. One where some families have lived here for generations, even back to when the town was settled/named. NONE of those families just.....walk in their rellies houses like that. It is unheard of. Make sure you mean business and put a stop to this right now. It is not normal behaviour!

ILearnedItFromABook · 28/07/2019 20:12

It's one thing to drop by unexpectedly... (Well, actually, I'd hate that, too, if it happened too often, but I know that's considered weird by some on here!) ...but to just walk right in and creep through the house without knocking or even pausing to call out? That's incredibly rude! I'd jump out of my skin if someone came waltzing into the room when I thought I was alone in the house.

I'd definitely develop a habit of keeping the door locked. And yes, my door is locked 24/7 unless one of us is in the garden or garage. It's just a good habit to keep the doors locked, imho. I feel safer knowing someone can't come in without me at least having a chance of hearing them, first. (And if I don't hear someone at the door/window, one of the dogs is sure to hear and sound the alarm!)

Sindragosan · 28/07/2019 20:12

Not normal, anywhere I know with an open door mentality, you knock loudly and call hello and wait near the door. Sneaking around to find you is weird and needs to be discouraged strongly, but mostly by locking the door.

PrtScn · 28/07/2019 20:17

I don’t lock my doors when I’m at home. Not a lot of people do around here (seems to only be people that have moved here from larger towns/cities). We just wander into each others houses of close family or friends.
I’m not so bad now but I’d regularly leave the keys in the lock in the outside of the door, and one summer I went to bed with the front door still wide open (leaving front doors or porch doors open during nice weather seems to be a thing here as well). Postie just chucks parcels through door.
I don’t think I’d last 5 minutes in a big city before I’d got robbed or murdered in my sleep 😂

NaviSprite · 28/07/2019 20:22

My Mum and Step Dad have an open invitation to let themselves in at mine because I have twin toddlers and was getting fed up of having to stop in the middle of something to go answer the door (especially now DS is going through a clingy phase and he’s not exactly light 😂).

That being said, they know announce themselves the second they open the door and they generally wait in the hallway until I call out where I am in the house - if I’m upstairs they wait until I get downstairs and we go into the living room. It does irritate DH a bit when they pop over - but I grew up with my Grandparents and there were always random relatives/friends in and out of the house so I guess I find it normal?

Mustbetimeforachange · 28/07/2019 20:32

Don't people's door just lock automatically? . I thought most doors had Yale type locks.

Shebertherbert · 28/07/2019 20:33

My in laws used to let themselves in until we had to set boundaries. A few years ago we were in bed nodding off to sleep when we heard people in the house. We got the fright of our lives. My mother in law had let herself in the front door. My father in law came in the back door. (They have the spare keys for energencies) They made there way through our small bungalow. Before they burst into our room. I hide naked under the covers whilst my husband went into the hall with them and had a few choice words with them.
They had been trying to ring us but we weren't home so didn't answer. They are worries. There explanation was "well you get to thinking don't you..."
My husband exploded with "no, no you don't. You ring back in the morning. What were you expecting some sort of suicide pact." They left abit sheepishly. We can laugh about it now.

ItsAllGoingToBeMagnificent · 28/07/2019 20:38

They are wrong to turn up unannounced and just walk in but equally you need to keep your front door locked. You might live somewhere that is "safe" or seems it but it only takes 1 passing ratbag to walk in uninvited.

My husband still has a key for his parents house but I insist he always knocks and waits to be let in (all the kids have left home... You never know , my husband loves it when I point this out lol). I will knock at my parents too, unless we are collecting our children in which case I do try the door, but they are expecting us. I just think it's rude to just walk into someone's house especially when they aren't expecting you.

NoSauce · 28/07/2019 20:38

Just lock the doors OP, if you’ve tried to talk to them and they’ve ignored you it’s the only option.

BlueJava · 28/07/2019 20:46

I hope they haven't got a key... just keep the door locked.

llangennith · 28/07/2019 20:54

My DC and I all have keys to each other's houses but we all always knock and don't use the keys unless we've been asked to.
Get into the habit of always locking your door and take your time answering the door to them. Enough time to grab you bag and coat and say you were just going out!

Decormad38 · 28/07/2019 20:54

Are they actually trying to catch you at it? Anyone of sound mind would think - they are a young couple they may want their privacy especially if no kids yet! Or they are kinky and voyeuristic!

Thatsnotmyflamingo · 28/07/2019 20:54

You need boundaries now OP, or they are going to make you miserable once babies arrive...

KickAssAngel · 28/07/2019 20:56

To give you some context - DD is 15, and DH/I knock on her bedroom door, or call out to her before we go in there.

Respecting the privacy of a person is a sign that you respect them.

Taking away privacy is actually part of the punishment of prison! It's a pretty big thing that they won't let you have some privacy in your own house.

PuzzledObserver · 28/07/2019 20:58

Think about this,OP: they may have crept in while you were dtd, heard you at it and crept out again without you noticing.....

LightDrizzle · 28/07/2019 21:04

Puzzled - you are a very, very bad person for planting that thought!

OnlyaMan · 28/07/2019 21:04

If the case is that-
"They're retired and literally live 3 mins walk away from us. They walk past ours to get to town so think they just try their luck most times they're coming past."
The unlocked door is a sort of invitation.
A locked door should deter them.
If they meet a locked door, and persistently ring the bell/knock, or peer in through the windows, instead of just continue on their walk, then you know you are dealing with genuinely intrusive people.
In that case, this thread has much good advice.
I think I would just "snap" at them-they may need to learn.

Cryalot2 · 28/07/2019 21:15

They are rude, many families do this though.
Play them at their own game , leave sexy underwear out , a vibrator, everything like that , write on notice board ",buy box 100 condoms " I know you don't need them, but they don't know that. Let them catch you without clothes or in compromising position. That should keep their nose's out.

billy1966 · 28/07/2019 21:16

Unbelievably rude and disrespectful.

I would be furious if someone thought they could walk into my house and creep around. Furious.

When friends are calling, they might knock on the back door and call out to us. That's perfectly fine.

Walking into someone's house unannounced is appalling bad manners.

Tell them in plain language that it is not acceptable.

As another poster said you will hate this when you have a baby.

Horribly intrusive.

PuzzledObserver · 28/07/2019 21:18

you are a very, very bad person for planting that thought!

Guilty as charged

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