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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and FIL walking into our house

152 replies

FatAndFurious7 · 28/07/2019 18:37

My MIL and FIL live just around the corner from us. They're wonderful and we have a good relationship.. but they have a habit of just wandering into our house unannounced, without a meet up planned and come to find us wherever we are.. they don't even call / shout as they come in to announce they're here.

Luckily every time this has happened so far weve just been sat around or in the garden or something so not a problem. But were TTC at the mo so dtd a lot and randomly though the day and I'm so worried about them wandering in I've started locking the door all day!

AIBU or is this normal MIL / FIL behaviour. Should me or DH just flat out tell them to stop it?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2019 19:19

@RedHeadDiana

Me too. Absolutely hate it. I would never tolerate this shit.

marblesgoing · 28/07/2019 19:20

Nip it in the bud now op.

26 years down the line and we still have this problem in a regular basis.

Our home is on commuter belt for the retired in laws so it's useful to pop in on the off chance someone's around and if not they just damn well let themselves in.

Really winds me up.

No I don't want to come home from work and find you sat in my garden sunbathing while I've been at work all day.
The only person that should be sunbathing in my garden is bloody well me.

candycane222 · 28/07/2019 19:21

Locking the door seems the obvious solution, but if by any chance it happens again you could scream really loudly and shout 'OMG you didn't knock!!! I hate it when you do that!!!'. You can 'excuse' your honesty rudeness as terror if they take offence, but be sure to repeat how much you hate it?

CatInADoghouse · 28/07/2019 19:22

This has reminded me of my MIL and BIL going to one of their relative's house unannounced. They were outside ages knocking on the door. They finally answered the door in their dressing gowns (he works away Monday to Friday so they were catching up!!). MIL and BIL came away and said to us that they can't understand why they were still in their dressing gowns at that time of the day! We've had BIL turn up to our house unannounced first thing in the morning too for him to say oh sorry were you still in bed, did I get you up?! I think he's a professional cock blocker!

ilikemethewayiam · 28/07/2019 19:22

OMG none of my family would dream of doing this. My sister tends to leave her gate open for the kids to run in and out but I still ring the front door bell and wait for her to shout to come round the back. This is a massive overstepping of boundaries, they just can’t see it. Keep your doors locked and if they question it, tell them the truth! You are TTC so would rather not have an audience!

Fairenuff · 28/07/2019 19:22

No don't tell them you're TTC, just tell them you're rampantly horny and blame it on the weather.

Sweetooth92 · 28/07/2019 19:22

Lock the doors. Fit a chain if they have a key so they can’t let themselves in. It’s not normal. Its your house & your space!

Bookworm4 · 28/07/2019 19:22

Good job you’re not the nervous type and clocked the creeping in laws with a cricket bat at the top of stairs.... always a thought 😉

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 28/07/2019 19:22

Are they toddlers?! Padding around trying to find you because they've got nothing better to do than ensure that you never have any privacy? Even to the point of splitting off to hunt you down and catch you 'red-handed' doing perfectly normal at-home activities whilst in your own home.

Definitely start locking the front door. Most people understand that, in a home where they don't live, the front door is a boundary at which you knock before requesting entry (unless maybe if the householders are expecting you imminently and have told you to just come in). If they don't understand this boundary, you have no other option but to treat them like any other intruder and lock it to physically prevent their being able to gain entry.

Either that, or can you rig up an ear-splitting alarm to be activated if somebody crosses the front-door threshold? That would both give you warning in case you are DTD or similar and also scare the living plop out of them classically condition them that their crossing the boundary will lead to unpleasant consequences. Even better than a siren alarm, get one where you can record your own sound/message and treat them to some hyper-enthusiastic, very loud DTD sounds as soon as they breach the threshold! If you don't feel comfortable acting out the performance yourselves, just sample the soundtrack of any previous ladies' Wimbledon final Grin

Alternatively, happen to be frequently passing their house at 5am and go in quietly, before throwing their bedroom curtains open and bursting into a loud, bracing chorus of 'Oh, What A Beautiful Morning' Grin

Original poster
FatAndFurious7 · 28/07/2019 19:26

This has turned into the funniest thread I've ever seen GrinGrin

You're all bonkers (in a great way)

OP posts:
IrishGal21 · 28/07/2019 19:28

Gimp outfit......they will always ring first after that lol

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2019 19:29

If your husband can't grow a set and deal with mummy and daddy, leave sex toys, big ones, all over the house. That should sort it.

Runmybathforme · 28/07/2019 19:29

Absolutely no ! None of my family or friends would dream of even ‘ popping round ‘ without prior warning, much less let themselves into our home.

SusieOwl4 · 28/07/2019 19:34

instead of locking the door could you just not put a chain across with a bell attached ? then they will try and come in but will be stopped from entering just say its extra security because someone walked in with a parcel and you did not hear them so felt a bit uncomfortable

Bluetrews25 · 28/07/2019 19:34

Just because no-one has ever walked in and pinched all your valuables it doesn't mean that it will never happen! Will insurance pay out in that instance? Our doors all have Yale-type locks that lock whenever closed.
I'd get in the habit of leaving them locked to avoid casual IL visitors, theft, DCs escaping etc.

nordstrom · 28/07/2019 19:37

Is that you, Deborah? Wink

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 28/07/2019 19:37

Since we got together both our parents have been overly excitable about the prospect of grandchildren

So excitable that they've been doing everything in their power to make sure you both never either actually have the privacy or can be confident of having the privacy to enable you to do what it takes for them to get grandchildren Grin

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 28/07/2019 19:38

Do people lock their doors when they are at home?

Mine are only locked with the key when we are out or overnight. If not locked then the doors can be opened from inside with the handle but NOT from outside. No one can just walk into my house without a key.

My brother has a key to my house but would NEVER use it to just let himself in unless pre arranged.

OP how about buying a cheap ceramic bowl or something from a charity shop to keep to hand when you think they may “pop in” and then let them “catch you unawares” and scream loudly and drop the bowl. They might understand how unreasonable they are being then.

Personally, I’d lock the door and never let them have a key.

BornInAThunderstorm · 28/07/2019 19:40

Maybe they need a taste of their own medicine? Head round one day, sneak into their house and each of you creep up behind one of them and shout Boo!

When they complain just say well you always sneak up on us we thought you wouldn't mind

thetimekeeper · 28/07/2019 19:42

They tend to walk in quite quietly and then split up to sort of.. find us around the house without saying anything.

Maybe suggest to them it's time to cut back on watching so many police dramas since they seem to have forgotten how to enter someone else's house like a normal person?

LadyRannaldini · 28/07/2019 19:42

You could be shagging, on the loo

I didn't see the comma!!!
I wouldn't dream of just walking into my daughter's house, even if we're expected I knock and wait, or I might open it slightly and call Hello. I usually get told Why are you standing there, but that's me.

BarbedBloom · 28/07/2019 19:46

I always lock my door since I was napping on the sofa and woke up to find a stranger standing in my living room. My friend also had her car stolen as someone took her keys from the hall table, she lived in the country as well and insurance wouldn't pay out.

Anyway, this is totally weird and unreasonable. I would start locking the door all the time and also tell them to stop it

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 28/07/2019 19:47

I'd lock your door. We took our doorbell off because I was so irritated by the in laws popping by without prior warning. Best to do it pre kids, nothing worse than the door going when you've finally got into bed for a nap/into the shower/sat on the loo for a long awaited poo.

greenlynx · 28/07/2019 19:53

It’s weird behaviour, as PPs said they’re treating you like children. Just lock your door from now on and don’t explain anything. Make sure they can’t come around looking and knocking on the windows.
Tell them nothing about TTC. You equally wouldn’t want them to come when you are asleep, shaving your legs, trying on your new swimwear, etc, the list is endless. The point is that they can’t walk into your house whenever they want.

Happyandglorious · 28/07/2019 19:54

I second yoghurt's suggestion.
Removing our doorbell when kids were babies (and kept getting well meaning guests turning up) was the best thing ever. And I have no intentions of reinstalling...
I actually do love having a full house but not too much of a control freak for unannounced randoms...
Put the lock on and have a kind but firm word bc your op did sound like they are nice and you are fond of them