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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I probably am, but I feel let down a little bit

152 replies

Pinespow · 27/07/2019 19:21

I'm a student at the minute, and have had to live with my sister because of poor mental health and lack of money in the area I live in.

This worked well for my sister because she has recently divorced and doesn't want to be on her own. For months on end I have listened and supported her throughout this, much to the detriment of my own mental health really, and my studies have suffered. I have many times had to come back from nights out/days out/dates because she told me she was "in crises" (I have been suicidal before, so this is not a begrudging task for me). My mental health however is never discussed.

I have the small room in her house. She doesn't charge me rent because she has a good job and I am a student - but I do contribute to bills and buy household items regularly.

She is now over the worst of it and has started socializing again. She has recently started saying that her friends are staying after nights out and will need to stay in my room (with me on the couch). This has made me feel a bit shit (a bit like a sofa surfer loser) because I feel like I can't say anything because it is her house and she's doing me a favour.

Today she has text me saying that she has friends staying after a night out and this will mean I can't stay on the couch or the bedroom she gave me.

I will probably have to travel back to my mum's house (over 2 hours on the train) now, at a massive cost to myself.

I know it's her house, but I just think it's quite shitty.

Prepared to be told to grow up and that i am BU.

OP posts:
Xyzzzzz · 27/07/2019 20:08

Sleep on the landing...can you look for something else like a house share?

Geraniumpink · 27/07/2019 20:08

You can still get halls of residence accommodation at some Universities, even for a Masters. Or have a look for a job as a hall warden, where the accommodation comes with the job.

LuckyLou7 · 27/07/2019 20:09

Oh that's nasty. Can you afford any rent at all? Some house-shares are all-inclusive and cheap - and you'd have your own personal space that you can't be booted out of to make room for someone else at a moment's notice.

RandomMess · 27/07/2019 20:10

Our local uni gives reduced rates to mature students with some sort of caretaker or warden role in their floor/building. Can't you get living cost loans whilst you do masters now?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2019 20:11

Your sister is horrible. I can't believe she is treating you so poorly.

julensaor · 27/07/2019 20:11

I think she is telling you to move out without being straight up about it, which is poor form. She has used your support when she needed it, doesn't need it anymore and is ready to move on and move you on.

If this isn't the case, then she can't have it both ways and she really does want you around, your room is your room, your sanctuary, where all your stuff is, that strangers to you should not be allowed just stay in whenever. You need to be direct with her and ask her which scenario it is or going to be.

SemperIdem · 27/07/2019 20:15

She is being really unpleasant. I wouldn’t treat my sibling this way.

thetimekeeper · 27/07/2019 20:15

I think I might be understanding why she's divorced. What an utterly appalling way to treat someone. Fucking hell.

Chocolatedaim · 27/07/2019 20:16

If your sister was a friend would you allow this behaviour?
She sounds like such a user.
Poor you OP, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 27/07/2019 20:26

Its either your home or not. Having a 'home's where someone can be asked to leave for days at a time is a room for a night that's all.

Lilymossflower · 27/07/2019 20:29

She is being completely a dick.

Leave

Don't take no shit no more

Value yourself

greenlynx · 27/07/2019 20:40

She’s massively unreasonable. You are her sister, how could she behave like this towards you? She agreed to give you the room. She should ask you to move out if she’s unhappy with the arrangement and give you enough time to sort it out.

greenlynx · 27/07/2019 20:43

I would txt her that you’re staying today and that if she wants you to move out you would do this on .... and put the closest reasonable date.

Coyoacan · 27/07/2019 20:44

I've had friends stay with me for months on end rentfree and I gave the one I wanted to leave two months notice.

Vulpine · 27/07/2019 20:44

Did your sister tell you she didn't want to be alone?

Original poster
Pinespow · 27/07/2019 20:45

I'm on the train back to my mum's. I am trying really hard not to cry. I helped her when she was so low - i got a taxi at 1am in the morning two days before my exams to be with her.

she is just posting pictures to facebook of her night out and I have a holdall of all I can carry on the train.

will have to come back tomorrow to get the rest of my stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinespow · 27/07/2019 20:46

@Vulpine yes, she said she would hurt herself on her own

OP posts:
Derbee · 27/07/2019 20:51

YANBU

If you let someone stay with you because they need to, you should absolutely make them feel welcome. You should have been made to feel it was your home too, and not moved out when friends stay. She is not being nice.

Stargazypies · 27/07/2019 20:58

Honestly she is being incredibly thoughtless. Why don't you straightup send her a text saying how hurt you are? Or maybe your mum can speak to her?

Shakennotshook · 27/07/2019 21:14

Please dont go back. Shes being a shit.

Lavenderduck · 27/07/2019 21:23

Why can't her friends sleep on the sofa or set an airbed up in the living room it is only for a night? If I was your DSIS friend I wouldn't mind crashing on the sofa !

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 27/07/2019 21:34

I’m sorry but she’s being very selfish and self centred, please look after yourself rather than pander to her.

Zebraaa · 27/07/2019 21:49

She is incredibly spiteful. I would never do this to my sister. It’s your room... you’re living there, you contribute towards the bills. I hope her friends are ashamed they’ve taken your bed too. Mean girls.

Gamble66 · 27/07/2019 21:49

She's a bitch to be honest. I think an suggestion of an au pair job is excellent in a house with older kids x

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 27/07/2019 22:07

she said she would hurt herself on her own

You are not responsible for her or for her actions. Please remember that.

Can you talk to your own student welfare office about what's happening to you, ie about potentially being made homeless, about her threats, and about how you risked your own exams (& future career) to help her? You matter, and you are entitled to help and support to deal with this shitty situation.