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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

945 replies

dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:04

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

OP posts:
Lipz · 27/07/2019 03:53

That's very worrying that nothing has been heard from your dh. I know you're probably thinking that he has fallen off the wagon, but it's been 9 hours now, do you think he may have have an accident ? I don't mean to worry you further but it's very unusual (or is it) to leave a child alone that amount of time and there to be no contact. I hope your ds is doing OK now.

AnnieOH1 · 27/07/2019 03:57

@dogletsrock

Could you contact a Buxton taxi firm now and book a cab out there? That way you can check that they'll cover the distance too.

Don't think about forgiving/not forgiving right now, you don't know what's happened yet or why. Just concentrate on getting to your son as soon as possible.

Emmas85 · 27/07/2019 03:59

Thinking of you OP, I hope everything works out ok for you tomorrow x

oatmilk4breakfast · 27/07/2019 04:01

Is it possible your husband has been taken ill (not started drinking?) could the police tell you whether he has been taken to hospital? Could you ring round local hospitals? Does he have a mobile / is it ringing? Speaking as someone whose husband ended up in hospital on way back from a night out. Not drunk just passed out.

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 04:05

@AnnieOH1 thank you for that tip. I have just found some mini cab places so will ring round now. I just thought there would be a cab company at the station.

OP posts:
OldUnit · 27/07/2019 04:06

Sorry OP I know your DH has a problem he's trying to overcome and all that but I'd be FUCKING LIVID.

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 04:15

@AnnieOH1 just rang a taxi firm and they can get me. I am going to have a bath and start to get ready. The cab is coming to get me at 6 so I might as well have a slow get ready.

OP posts:
AnnieOH1 · 27/07/2019 04:17

@dogletsrock - assuming you're coming through Manchester or Stockport please double check too that Buxton and cab will be easier/better than changing to Sheffield/Chesterfield and me taking you. I don't mind at all, and I'm really not confident that the route you're taking will be easy by taxi (or cheap!)

Have you heard from your son further at all?

AnnieOH1 · 27/07/2019 04:18

Wow, that is fabulous. Have you arranged a fixed price though because that could get ££££s very quickly. @dogletsrock

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 04:21

Normally I would be really upset but I am just icily furious. I just want to get my DS home. If he had an accident I am sure I would have had a phone call as they could have found me on his emergency contacts. He is drunk somewhere. And as the night has worn on I have swung between absolute panic and if you are not dead I am going to kill you. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 04:25

I haven’t heard from my son for a while, I did try ringing a while ago but it went to voicemail so I think he’s sleeping. I think he just needed to know what to do if he felt unsafe. Knowing there were people who would be there and he could call from the tent was enough to calm him down.

OP posts:
AnnieOH1 · 27/07/2019 04:36

Please try and keep an open mind. There's lots of scenarios that could have played out that a) aren't his fault and b) may have meant separation from his phone.

I'm surprised that the police haven't been back in touch with you to be honest, I'd have expected them to do a welfare check on your son. :(

cheeseislife8 · 27/07/2019 04:37

Thinking of you and your poor DS, hopefully he's now asleep. What a nightmare for you!

WhyTho · 27/07/2019 04:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyTho · 27/07/2019 04:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monty27 · 27/07/2019 04:39
Flowers I hope things are OK when you find them
oatmilk4breakfast · 27/07/2019 04:42

Poor you, what an awful situation- glad your son feels safe and is sleeping now. And hope your husband is ok though absolutely understand your anger. I guess there must that feeling of broken trust but also maybe disbelief - like, how could he? I’m sorry - hope you manage to work it out with him. But your son obviously key priority for morning - you’re a brilliant mum

Florrieboo · 27/07/2019 04:44

My heart was in my mouth just reading this, I hope you are okay OP?

RJnomore1 · 27/07/2019 04:46

I totally get why you came to MN op. I’m pretty sure some of the times I’ve posted people have thought I was making it up (my then 16yo dad went missing). I needed to talk and hear ideas but I needed it in s controlled way and not to have to deal with other people’s panic from friends and family. I also needed to be able to communicate in away I could control as it was about the only thing I was in control of at that point.

So I totally get it. Support in the way that works for you in a crisis.

Get your ds and get him sorted first. Whatever is going on with your dh can be dealt with after that. He’s the adult so hard as it is prioritise and focus just as you are doing.

💐

RJnomore1 · 27/07/2019 04:47

That will be dd. My dads a fair bit older than 16.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 27/07/2019 04:48

Oh my goodness. You must be beside yourself. I hope you get there ok to be with your son. Where are you travelling from?

twinnywinny14 · 27/07/2019 04:52

How scared for all of you. Hopefully dh will reappear tomorrow and you can all get the help your family needs xxx

londonrach · 27/07/2019 04:52

Op...wishing you luck tomorrow. Youve done the right thing. Contacting mn i hope has helped in nothing else put your mind at rest whilst waiting till police got to your son x

helpmeiamatoad · 27/07/2019 05:01

Hope things end up ok OP :(

CustardDonuts · 27/07/2019 05:05

@dogletsrock best of luck and I hope your DS is ok. You've been incredible and done everything you could, at least your son has spoken to you and hopefully feels slightly safer Flowers