The grown-up children of alcoholics seem never to say that they wish their sober parent had remained in a relationship with the alcoholic. It’s almost universal. With a long-term perspective, children do not want their sober parent to remain with an alcoholic. Please think carefully about that.
Wise words, and as another person here who grew up with an alcoholic parent, I can only concur.
I loved my dad. I bet if anyone had asked me back then if I wanted my parents to split up, I would have said no. But that 'no' wouldn't have come from the right place. That 'no' would have been
what will he do if he is left alone?
If he doesn't have to eventually come home to us, he'll keep drinking
Who will look after him if we aren't here?
And a thousand other questions and reasons that no child should have to ponder.
I saw stuff I shouldn't have seen, I felt the empty, hollow feeling of seeing the clock hands go round and wondering where he was, wanting him to come home but dreading what state he would be in when he did. Seeing your parent incoherent, incontinent, and just wanting them inside because you know your mum would be devastated if the neighbours saw.
I feel that my childhood was robbed from me, and now, I can honestly say, hand on heart, that as much as I loved my dad, I wish my mum had left him.