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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

945 replies

dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:04

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 27/07/2019 12:42

Glad to hear your DS is safe (I have a teen with Aspergers' as well) and that you have got him, it must be such a relief. Take care of him and yourself.

Knittedfairies · 27/07/2019 12:43

Excellent news OP.

lunar1 · 27/07/2019 12:43

You can be so proud of your son. Despite his difficulties, he got himself back to the tent safely, called you, didn't panic and spoke with the police himself and was ok waiting until morning for you.

You raised a young man you can be proud of and who will do well in life. However bad this situation is with your husband, don't let the way you and he have worked together be overshadowed.

INeedAFlerken · 27/07/2019 12:46

I'm glad your son is safe, OP.

I have to agree with everything IvanaPee has written. I don't think you can continue to support your DH while he is living in your home with your child. The outcome here could have been very, very different. Including heading home with your son in the car, driving while intoxicated after a weekend of binging, if your son hadn't called you.

Alexkate2468 · 27/07/2019 12:50

Hope you sort out everything OP - how stressful for you and DS. Take care of yourself Flowers

GabsAlot · 27/07/2019 12:51

Glad you got to them op-i wouldnt be forgiving hed have to get the bloody train home then pick up his stuff off the pavment-wanker

user1471449295 · 27/07/2019 12:52

Glad your sons safe. I would leave my husband over this.

YouJustDoYou · 27/07/2019 12:52

So so glad your son is ok. It doesn't seem safe at all to leave him with an utterly irresponsible adult like his father. No more.

Derbee · 27/07/2019 12:53

Well done OP, glad you made it there.

I don’t agree with people telling you whether or not you should leave your DH, as I don’t believe anyone can judge a marriage.

However, I would say that today must be the end of your relationship as it currently is. Either this is the event that triggers a separation and divorce, or it is the event that triggers proper treatment and recovery.

Only you and your DH are in a position to know which it will be.

Good luck, and well done on raising a son who dealt so brilliantly with a situation that was totally out of his comfort zone.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/07/2019 12:57

Good luck op

Highfivemum · 27/07/2019 12:59

You have handled the situation brilliantly. Being there for your son and not having an argument in front on him.
Alcoholism is an illness. If you had asked me that a few years ago I would have said no it’s all their choice and fault. However I have a very close member of my family with this illness and Yes originally it was a choice but sadly it is no longer. The addiction has kicked in and it’s heart breaking to be a part of it. I admire you for allowing your husband the chance and giving him the chance. However at a point you have to think of yourself. By allowing him in your life you are enabling him to continue. Please look after yourself. I feel you have some long thinking ahead of you and I wish you well. 💕

IvanaPee · 27/07/2019 13:03

Alcoholism is absolutely an illness but children shouldn’t pay the price for it.

So, so many people fall into the trap of staying to show love and support. And it really is just enabling!

But children don’t have a choice so they get dragged into that trap. It’s not fair. They shouldn’t be punished by the choices of both their parents - the alcoholic and the enabler.

Cairies · 27/07/2019 13:07

I don't think OP started the thread to get into the ins and outs of alcoholism; they're back home safely now so she can take it from there

foreverhanging · 27/07/2019 13:12

Well done op, you handled it really well.

ParrotsForLife · 27/07/2019 13:15

Bloody hell OP you deserve a medal for keeping your head screwed on, so glad you’ve got DS back and he’s safe and secure x

Pondering2019 · 27/07/2019 13:16

@Jemima232 that's pretty inappropriate. Sounds like OP has been very supportive so far but this has been awful for her. There comes a point where her DH needs to sort himself out.

Branleuse · 27/07/2019 13:18

honestly, i do not give a flying fuck about "the nature of alcoholism" when it comes to a romantic partner or life partner. This is a monumental fuck up. Alcoholics make shit partners, shit parents, shit pretty much everything. One of the worst things to be addicted to imo.
Hes proved himself to be selfish and incapable of basic responsibility and untrustworthy. He may well "need" her, but thats too fucking bad for him. He needs to sort his own shit out. Hes an adult. Hes only a partner, not her child.

Lilyofthefields · 27/07/2019 13:18

Hmm @Spaceprincess

Branleuse · 27/07/2019 13:20

staying with an alcoholic partner when you have children is no better than having your children around junkies.

cuppycakey · 27/07/2019 13:20

I am the adult daughter of an alcoholic father and I totally agree with what ivanapee said.

Flowers
IvanaPee · 27/07/2019 13:23

@cuppycakey Flowers it’s not easy. And the hundreds of little things it messes with, things you couldn’t even begin to list - it’s just shit.

historysock · 27/07/2019 13:25

Contact the festival-they will have a welfare tent and would I'm sure help with your son and look for DH. Or police as po said.
Really hope all is ok

AnotherEmma · 27/07/2019 13:25

I agree with IvanaPee and Branleuse

Herocomplex · 27/07/2019 13:26

Good news, I’m glad everyone is safe.

Lilyofthefields · 27/07/2019 13:27

Contact the festival-they will have a welfare tent and would I'm sure help with your son and look for DH. Or police as po said.
Really hope all is ok

Please!

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