@dogletsrock I’m so glad your ds is safe.
You can choose to take this on board or not:
For 15 years, your son has had to live with an alcoholic because of his dad’s choices, yes. But also yours.
What has happened now is that your son has been put in a situation that had a very real chance of ending badly for him because of his relationship with an alcoholic.
Every fall off the wagon affects you. But it affects him, too.
Every time you choose to “forgive” and “help” and “support” you take that choice from your child. Maybe he doesn’t want to live with someone who keeps “making mistakes” or “falling down”.
You have a choice. He doesn’t.
If you forgive this then I truly do believe you will be letting your child down.
Your husband is a bad parent by nature of his alcoholism. Perhaps he’s not a bad person. Perhaps he’s not a bad father 100% of the time. But he IS a bad father.
Your choices from here on in are the difference between a good mother, or a bad one.
Your son is fine. But he might not have been.
So now it’s time to show him that alcoholism is selfish, and poisonous in more ways than one. And that his well-being both physical and emotional comes first ALWAYS.
His dad can’t make that choice because he’s an alcoholic, but you can.
You’re enabling your husband. And that can feel very much like loving and supporting and helping him. But you ARE enabling him.
Believe me when I say there is NO protecting the child of an alcoholic from the consequences. Much as you might think there is.
It’s selfish of you to stay with this man and drag your child into that life. And I really hope this is the wake-up call you need to see that.