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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

945 replies

dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:04

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

OP posts:
candycane222 · 27/07/2019 11:42

Don't be guilt-tripped op. The person your DH needs is himself. And quite possibly a competent professional. This is not on her jemima232

CrackOn · 27/07/2019 11:42

Just to say I'm glad it's all sorted and think you handled it really calmly and well.

JustDanceAddict · 27/07/2019 11:42

Really pleased you’ve got your son.

JayWayney · 27/07/2019 11:43

So pleased you've got there and found them both. I deeply emphathise, son on the spectrum and non diagnosed father on the spectrum who had issues with coping. I've done more than my share of cross country rescues and was reading this thread heart in mouth. Thanks for coming back to update.

Gazelda · 27/07/2019 11:43

Will you let DS sit in the front with you, while DH sleeps in the back. You can travel in silence, or DS can chat quietly if he wants. Some calm, quiet time is possibly what you all need right now.

WatcherintheRye · 27/07/2019 11:43

It's a music festival, not the Vatican's secret archives.

Indeed, but I don't think that fact afforded easy access to the parents of the poor girl who died at Bestival. They had rushed down following a harrowing call from her b/f, only to be denied entry.

So glad you've found them safe, op.

GertrudeCB · 27/07/2019 11:46

Very glad that you've got them. Wishing you a safe drive home xx

FreddiesMammy · 27/07/2019 11:46

So glad everyone is safe OP

ombre123 · 27/07/2019 11:47

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP, I hope everything turns out ok x

Christmassaussage · 27/07/2019 11:48

I'm so relieved for you. Drive safe and take good care of yourself and your son OP. Xxx

SunshineCake · 27/07/2019 11:48

So glad that both are safe and here. Take care of yourself.

MsJaneAusten · 27/07/2019 11:49

Phew! Well done OP. I’m glad everyone is safe. Don’t let DH downplay this.

Redred2429 · 27/07/2019 11:49

So glad op

Chune · 27/07/2019 11:49

Glad you’re all safe.

namechangeninjaevervigilant · 27/07/2019 11:49

I hope you and DS aren’t getting in the car with him OP. If he’s not sober enough to talk to he probably isn’t sober enough to drive safely.

ptumbi · 27/07/2019 11:50

Yes I read that bit too closet - it actually sounds like the DH has form for this sort of thing.

There is 'supporting an alcoholic' and there is 'enabling an alcoholic' and 'stopping the alcoholic from hitting rock bottom and getting his own help'.

I'd be out of there. I don't care if that makes me uncaring and unsupportive. No one puts my kids at risk.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 27/07/2019 11:51

Op massive high five to your mature, measured approach. You are a fabulous parent and role model. I’d have waded in with both feet and left husband behind in anger. That would not have been in the best interests of your son and I applaud you for your restraint and for putting his best interests before your need to vent. Utmost respect.

Sunshine93 · 27/07/2019 11:51

namechangeninjaevervigilant the op is driving and i am sure she knows this given she is married to an alcoholic!

AwdBovril · 27/07/2019 11:51

Actually, people saying it would be a deal-breaker for them may well understand the nature of addiction. They may understand the concept of enabling, which is what you may be doing by staying with an addict. You can delude yourself you're still "functioning" when you still appear to have your family there for you. As a recovering alcoholic I had to lose everything before the switch went off in my brain that made me really commit to finally getting help.

This, absolutely. I have spent the last few years trying to let go of the anger I feel at my mother for enabling my father's alcoholism which damaged mine & my sister's childhoods. As an adult I'm almost paranoid around alcohol, I probably don't have a healthy or normal attitude to it, in that I always worry people will get into difficulties.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 27/07/2019 11:52

I’m assuming op is driving because of previous comments about taking the car keys when her husband clearly had a set. I can’t imagine someone as sensible as the OP even considering letting him drive.

GaraMedouar · 27/07/2019 11:53

Glad DS safe Flowers

SuzieBishop · 27/07/2019 11:53

So glad you’ve got your DS OP x

Frizzcat · 27/07/2019 11:53

I also have a son in the autistic spectrum. I have done so many emergency dashes over the years, fear, anxiety and panic churning in my stomach as I willed everything and everyone to move faster so I could get to him.
I’m deeply sorry that this has happened to you, when you probably should have been enjoying a well earned break.
It really is shit being the adult all the time. I hope you get a rest and a break.

Mustbetimeforachange · 27/07/2019 11:54

Maybe, just maybe, the OP will drive (as stated some time ago). I can't imagine for one minute she is going to let him drive?! What an odd post.

HairyDogsInUnusualPlaces · 27/07/2019 11:54

Thank you for the update, OP. Hope you get things sorted.