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Original poster

DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

945 replies

dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:04

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

OP posts:
Wherearemycrayons · 27/07/2019 11:01

Thinking of you, OP. what a shitty situation. Hope your son is ok x

Jemima232 · 27/07/2019 11:05

When you find your DH let him come back to sobriety before discussing this. Obviously it's a bad situation but this is what alcoholics do.

People saying it would be a deal-breaker for them clearly do not understand the nature of alcoholism. OP said that her DH was doing well. She is obviously supportive of him.

Her DH needs her every bit as much as her DS does.

EleanorReally · 27/07/2019 11:05

Best of luck op

user1471449295 · 27/07/2019 11:07

Hope you and your son are ok x

Huntlybyelection · 27/07/2019 11:09

Oh blimey. I hope you find your DS and TH and can fund out what happened last night. How worrying OP.

HairyDogsInUnusualPlaces · 27/07/2019 11:10

Hope it's all sorted soon, OP. What a night!

MoseShrute · 27/07/2019 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackcat86 · 27/07/2019 11:13

Obviously DH isn't in a great situation but he's an adult not a child with additional needs so no they dont both need ops support. If she chooses to stay in the relationship then that's up to her but it is in fact a choice. She doesn't need to stay and support her DH like some dutiful wife simply because some posters want to guilt her about addiction. Maybe DH needs to really feel the consequences of his actions and hit rock bottom before he is able to stick to sobriety.

GertrudeCB · 27/07/2019 11:14

Saw this in the early hours, hope you and son are ok OP Flowers

Ayemama · 27/07/2019 11:15

Oh what an awful situation. I hope your son is Ok and everything is resolved soon

Nomorepies · 27/07/2019 11:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

BlueSuffragette · 27/07/2019 11:16

Just read the whole thread. Wow, OP hope you have found your son and are able to drive him home. Good luck. Flowers

Fleetheart · 27/07/2019 11:18

@dogletsrock; thinking of you; my XP was an alcoholic, I have understanding of how you felt, it’s a horrible place to be. You are being so strong Flowers

MrsBobDylan · 27/07/2019 11:20

There is nowhere at a festival where you can drop down dead without someone noticing.

We are safe to assume that the man who is an unreliable, selfish alcoholic has chosen to get pissed and let his son down in the worst way.

And before someone defends him again by suggesting he may have wandered off site, if that's the case then he will have done it because he chose to get pissed.

musicalkittens · 27/07/2019 11:20

Hoping you're there now OP. Be prepared for any 'denial' attempts from your DH - claiming he was in his bedroom in the tent the whole time just with his phone uncharged or whatever.

Jemima232 · 27/07/2019 11:20

It was the OP who said her Dh was doing well, not me.

And I didn't say she needed to "save" her DH, either.

I just said that both the DH and the DS needed her support. Clearly the child comes first - I don't think anybody is disputing that. (neither was I.)

Passthecherrycoke · 27/07/2019 11:21

Jemima isn’t wrong at all. OP has been supporting her DH through alcoholism for some time so there is every chance this won’t spell the end of the marriage. Nothing jemima suggested takes away from OP prioritising her children which she has already very clearly done.

TitianaTitsling · 27/07/2019 11:21

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JeremyCorbynsCoat · 27/07/2019 11:21

Hope you're got to your son OPThanks

IsobelRae23 · 27/07/2019 11:21

Fair play there really are some twatish comments on this thread.

An alcoholic father, left his teen son who has autism, and disappeared for a silly amount of hours.

Yet people are pointing out ‘I hope she didn’t phone 111 that’s the NHS number’, ‘is no one wondering how she will get in without a ticket?’, ‘OP needs to be so loving and kind to her dh now’. Wtf??!!!! Are women of you people on a different planet? Or just keyboard warriors??

LittlefairyMum · 27/07/2019 11:22

@Jemima232 fuck that!
He's an adult and has put her child in danger.
Op has supported him though enough now IMHO

Op I hope you find the strength to leave him after this, everything happens for a reason!
Having lived for years with my addict ex and being free now, I can tell you it was the best decision I ever made for me and my kids.
I have had those nights where he disappeared and I feared he was dead. I know the panic and fear. They were horrific and will stay with me for my lifetime.

Like you, I supported and tried my best to help.
In the end, he got clean, then cheated on me!
Delighted now but at the time it was heartbreaking.

I could have left him over many of his 'stunts' but stayed and wasted years of my life.

I'm so much happy now without him. The kids are much happier too.

I would bring him home ( you'll only worry otherwise and he's not worth any more of your worry !)
Deal with him tomorrow.
I hope you can find the strength to leave him. It's no life looking over your shoulder, waiting on the next shoe to fall.

Thinking of you OP and good luck Thanks

MyNameIsRachel · 27/07/2019 11:22

Hope you are reunited now x

RandomWok · 27/07/2019 11:25

Hope things work out.

The day ticket for you idea sounds good if your son would like it? Also if you would want to. Spend some time together. Best wishes to you OP.

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 11:26

Finally got him, he is ok. Just very tired and wants to come home, I have never been happier to see anyone. DH is with us as I didn't want to get into a fight. I will talk to him later when he is completely sober. I have a lot of thinking to do. They are just packing up the car while I have a coffee.

OP posts:
NuttyOrNice · 27/07/2019 11:26

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