DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

[dogletsrock]

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

How distressing for you and DS. What an awful situation. I feel so sorry for you, you must have had an awful night last night.

Thinking of you and your son OP. I can’t imagine what you’re both going through right now but you’ve both been amazing getting through the waiting. for you.

Oh my god this resonates. My ex DH is in recovery and my 17 year old DD (suffers from anxiety) will never go anywhere alone with him in case he relapses. Your poor DS.

I remember the nights of dread not knowing if he was injured or drunk.

Good luck. Please leave your DH at the festival. He needs to take responsibility for his actions.

I hope you can locate him quickly and get him home safe. I had to do an emergency drive to London last week to rescue my DS (also with ASD) that had been assaulted in a nightclub so my heart goes out to you.

@gonewiththepotter I remember you from your other thread. Congrats on the pregnancy and so glad to hear that DH has started therapy

I'm not a drama llama but bad things do happen at festivals, it's easy to be calm after the event when you know nothing happened but it's not unreasonable to worry about what could have gone wrong

Really hope all goes well for you OP sorry that you're going through this.

“Another one here saying please listen to Bertrand's calm and reasonable posts”

Thank you. I think it feels different if you have gone through the festival stage and survived it!

Sorry your H is putting you through this. I hope your DS is okay and you’re both able to get home safely.

Hope you get there quickly and your son is OK OP xx

Oh what a situation, not long and you’l be with your ds, sending hugs x

But coconut do you really think people posting a long list of all the extreme possibilities is going to do anything to help the op?

Not long to go now OP
Hope your DS got some sleep, sure he will be very happy to see you
Think I would be a hot mess of relief and fury; thoughts with you

My stomach was in knots reading the early posts OP. So pleased you are on your way. I'm sure it will all be ok for your son when you get to him. Your husband is a different matter. This is really the ultimate betrayal of trust. I'm the daughter of an alcoholic. It doesn't get easier. Your son will never trust him again.

“but it's not unreasonable to worry about what could have gone wrong“

Not unreasonable for the OP, no. And I am sure she was. Very unreasonable for people on here to fuel her worries.

OP I’m so sorry you and your son have had such a stressful night. :(

What an awful thing for your husband to do. Totally unforgivable

Thinking of you op. I can only imagine how you’re feeling right now. Both you and your son have handled the situation amazingly well. You’ve raised a good one there you should be very proud of him.

I don’t know what’s going on in your dh’s head. I’m sure he will try and minimise this but for a parent to leave their child like that, where the child doesn’t even know where the parent is, is just unforgivable in my opinion. He obviously needs help. Don’t rush into making any decisions about dh, just focus on your son and get him how safe

Wow OP, you poor, poor woman. Sending you strength. You'll be with your son soon

Sending you huge good wishes for your journey . You have done so well to get this plan together. I also think that your son has been brilliant. He has shown how sensible and practical he can be in a new situation which would be challenging for everyone. He should be so proud of managing so well.

Sirzy, it's a long thread and I haven't read every single word so haven't seen the long lists of things that might go wrong, it was a general point that it's easy to say don't worry after the event when you know all is fine. Imo you'd have to be a parent with a heart of stone not to have been panicked in the op's positiin

I hope it goes ok today. Remember to eat to keep your strength up. I imagine you don't feel very hungry.

Not long now dogletsrock. Sending you a massive hug and 💐

OP, you sound like a wonderful mother. I really hope you get there ok and that you can resolve this somehow. Also hoping DH is OK. His phone being back on is a sign he's alive at least!

I had a boyfriend like this (previous username: Grapelovingweirdo - feel free to search!) And I went through all of this with him. Some people just can't change and that trust is gone forever. I couldn't come back from this in terms of continuing the marriage.

Hope you get there safely and that your DS has been able to get some sleep. I can only imagine (as a fellow person with ASD) how this must have made him feel last night. He's the priority and your DH is going to have to live with the fact that he put his own wants above his son (if, indeed, that has happened. Hopefully he is alright).

Good luck op x

Hope your son is ok, OP.