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Original poster

DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

945 replies

dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:04

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

OP posts:
BlueWonder · 27/07/2019 08:37

Unless your DH has been taken ill, is it possible for him to get the train or bus home? Not as a punishment but to eliminate any difficult atmosphere in the car and make the journey home more relaxing and positive for you and your son?

DogsWorld · 27/07/2019 08:38

OP I hope everything is okay. Glad you're now on your way.

I'm very close to the site and so wish there was something I could do to help but appreciate I am a stranger on a screen!!

Adversecamber22 · 27/07/2019 08:38

Hope everything turns out well op, good that your DS had the portable charger.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 27/07/2019 08:38

Wowsers, what a night op. I hope everything is ok when you get there. You sound resigned to these setbacks - you shouldn’t be you know. His actions have potentially endangered your son and certainly distressed him and you - there must be consequences for this. You know now he will never, ever be completely trustworthy. Even around his child.

JorahsMistress · 27/07/2019 08:38

Oh op how worrying! Glad you are on your way and have managed some sleep, your poor ds must have been so scared, i would have been too in a tent on my own in the dark in a field and im 41, hope you get there soon, as i know you wont relax properly till you see himThanks

MsJaneAusten · 27/07/2019 08:40

You’re doing brilliantly OP. Just make sure you get some sleep before trying to drive home Flowers

BrieAndChilli · 27/07/2019 08:40

I think this would be a deal breaker for me. Imagine if your son had no phone reception or battery and was unable to contact you? Anything could have happened to your son - assault, robbery, injury etc I wouldn’t be able to forgive him if he had gone out and gotten drunk.

gonewiththepotter · 27/07/2019 08:41

Oh OP ❤️
My heart goes out to you.
DH suffers with a similar issue. Most recently went a year without a single drink and then ‘watching sports’ got pulled in one night until he choked on his own vomit in bed!

He’s never done something horrifically irresponsible but acknowledges that he doesn’t know when to stop once he’s started. Now in serious counselling with a lovely lady who specialises in the field and thinks he’s a ‘very promising’ indervidal who ‘really wants to Change’ but it makes me nervous as hell!

We’d got married and began TTC whilst he was ‘better’ for that year. Really thought it was the end of his issues! When he fell off the wagon that night I said the only responsible thing was to stop TTC - and all of MN agreed with me! (I name change frequently as a lot of my posts are very outing if strung together!)

We stopped TTC but It was too late and I’m now 4/6 weeks pregnant. I worry about him. I really do but he’s so determined to be better!

Personally I could never forgive what he’s put you and your son through last night. Your poor DS must have been terrified and to see his father, who he relies on, behaving like this WILL be damaging to him.

I’ve told my DH that the situation has TOTALLY changed now we are expecting - I’m putting DC first and if he EVER has another episode I WILL divorce him and take half of everything so DC and I can love comfortably and safe!

I fully mean it too. I love DH ... but not more than I love my self and my DC!

lostfrequencies · 27/07/2019 08:41

Oh what an awful situation.

onefootinthegrave · 27/07/2019 08:41

Glad you are on your way - the worst is being stuck somewhere else and not being able to get to the person that needs you. Flowers

ssd · 27/07/2019 08:43

I haven't seen any troll hunters here but maybe they've already been deleted.
What a bloody cheek accusing the op of being a troll.
When did they become god and decide who can post what??
I wish a certain group of righteous idiots would just fuck off of mn.
Sorry op, just needed to say that.

DramaRamaLlama · 27/07/2019 08:43

As terrible as last night/today has been your DS will forever remember that you were there for him. Which is a good thing

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2019 08:43

“Anything could have happened to your son - assault, robbery, injury etc ”

Bollocks. He was perfectly safe. Scared, but safe.

BiBiBirdie · 27/07/2019 08:44

Thinking of you OP Flowers
Personally, I would swing for DH, but it's an illness and not helpful for poor DS to see either.
I think it might be nice for you and your DS to go and have a mini break somewhere soon, just the two of you as a positive holiday experience.

Good luck

gonewiththepotter · 27/07/2019 08:44

*actually he did have a few drinks on occasion during that year. Not sure why I worded it like that- just woke up.

But it was a 1/2 at events never taking it too far! That’s part of why we thought he was better.

He got a bit drunk at the wedding but I wrote it off as a ‘special occasion’ but in reality it was the beginning of him spiralling again 😭

Bodear · 27/07/2019 08:46

OP, I am a (sober) alcoholic. Please let your husband deal with his issues on his own. You need to protect and prioritise your son and yourself. You cannot have a positive impact on what your husband does/ is. All you can do is slow any descent he may go through but you won’t stop it.
Have you contacted Al-Anon? There is also Teen Al-Anon that you son may benefit from. Not for today but it may be useful in the future.

coffeeagogo · 27/07/2019 08:47

Bless you OP you have had an awful night, I hope you find your son and he is ok

BeUpStanding · 27/07/2019 08:48

Another one here saying please listen to Bertrand's calm and reasonable posts

SuperSara · 27/07/2019 08:48

Good luck, OP. I'm sure you will work it all out. Hope your son is doing ok.

I'm a bit Hmm at the posters demanding ''call 999!'' and telling OP to LTB without her even knowing the full story yet.

999 is for life threatening emergencies, immediate danger or crimes in progress. It would just waste the operators time in putting OP through to where she would have got to via 101.

And "LTB!" Is a bit much when she doesn't yet know what's happened to her DH. LTB might be the answer but, Christ, wouldn't you want to know what's happened first??

Sirzy · 27/07/2019 08:48

Above anything you need to be super proud of how well your son has coped, thinking to phone you and being so mature. You have obviously done a good job there!

Bodear · 27/07/2019 08:48

@gonewiththepotter he won’t get “better”. He will only ever be an alcoholic in recovery or out of recovery. Good luck with your pregnancy Flowers

SunshineCake · 27/07/2019 08:48

OP, I hope all is well when you get there but the fact your husband has done this causing so much upset to your son should be your line in the sand.

hungryhippie · 27/07/2019 08:50

Hope your son is ok OP. What a nightmare!

Smelborp · 27/07/2019 08:50

Hope it’s t goes well when you get there OP. It’ll be important to show your DS that any fallout is nothing to do with him so putting some space between this situation and whatever happens next could be good.

Lovemusic33 · 27/07/2019 08:50

Thinking of you OP, I have a dd the same age with Aspergers and she we be be pretty scared left alone at a festival, I hope your son is ok and I hope you manage to locate your dh.