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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

945 replies

dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:04

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

OP posts:
OpheliaTodd · 27/07/2019 08:04

Hope all is ok. I would never ever forgive anyone who did this. That would be it for me. Disgusting behaviour.

Shoxfordian · 27/07/2019 08:04

Hope your ds is ok

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 08:05

I should be in Buxton at 10 and then I need to get a taxi. I have been dozing on the train as I feel calmer knowing I am on my way. I think my son wants to come home but I will leave it up to him. I need to see what state my DH is in

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 27/07/2019 08:06

Hope everything works out OP Thanks

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/07/2019 08:06

If you feel up to it, it might be worth trying to do something positive at the festival with DS before you come back.

Nothingfallingdowntoday · 27/07/2019 08:06

Crikey you and your son have been through a really tough time but it does seem that your son has shown some real resilience if he did manage to settle and sleep eventually.

@BertrandRussell you may have a very good point. If your so son is well and wants to see something it would kind of change the memory from ending on a low to a high iyswim.

Having said that you must be knackered. Wishing you all the best.

WouldYouLikeAnOmlette · 27/07/2019 08:06

Hope your journey is going well this morning OP. Have you heard from DH at all?

quitefranklyivehadenough · 27/07/2019 08:07

Just wanted to wish you a safe journey OP and hope everything is resolved xxx

GenerationYmember · 27/07/2019 08:07

All the best Flowers

IncrediblySadToo · 27/07/2019 08:07

People who are accusing you of being a troll have obviously lived blessed lives, just ignore the idiots.

I hope your journey is going smoothly.

As long as DH won’t be a danger in the car then take him home with you. Back seat & tell him to shut up as you’re not discussing anything until you get home. Beneath the anger you’re feeling right now you love him (or you’d have kicked him out before now) & leaving him up there will just add more problems & expense that you don’t need

It’s ok to love him but be ‘done’ being together, but that’s a decision to make when you’re calm & not running on Adrenalin.

Take care today 🌷

babysharkah · 27/07/2019 08:08

Hope it all goes ok op.

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 08:10

I am reading everything and I really appreciate you all, I am just trying to save battery and me crying on the train!

OP posts:
lunar1 · 27/07/2019 08:11

Thank goodness you will be there soon. I can't imagine how awful your night has been.

KevinKlineSwoon · 27/07/2019 08:12

Good luck, OP. I hope you find everyone safe, happy and rested and that you get home quickly. I think you've handled this amazingly.

Maggie9000 · 27/07/2019 08:12

OP, what an awful situation to find yourself in. Hope all is well and you get DS back safe.

Tiredtessy · 27/07/2019 08:13

Was your partner really drunk? Festivals are a nightmare for losing people and phones dying but this is unbelievable! He should have made your son stick with him! Hope he’s okay

FuriousVexation · 27/07/2019 08:13

If the camping space is reserved for another night then I'd suggest taking a 20-min nap before setting off home. This is enough to give you a temporary energy boost but without letting your body fall into deep sleep which would take some time to recover from.

A PP suggested you might be travelling from the North West - if this is the case and you're low on sleep I'd strongly suggest avoiding Snake Pass or Woodhead Pass. I'd go south to Derby then get on the A52 then A253 via Leek.

(I've done Snake and Woodhead on very little sleep and it's no fun at all. Too many crashes, plus you always have delays at Mottram Moor.)

Hope your DS is okay. Concentrate on him for right now. Your DH is an adult and can sort himself out. Including the self-pitying "Ohhhhhhhh I'm a terrible parent" booo hoo shit. I'm a recovering alcoholic myself btw.

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2019 08:15

OP- do try not to make this too big a deal for your son. He’s 15. He was scared but he was perfectly safe. All that happened was that he spent the night on his own in the tent. In a couple of years he’ll be doing that all the time.

Deal with your DH separately!

TheInvestigator · 27/07/2019 08:15

I'd hope to consider myself an understanding person, and be able to forgive people for big mistakes but this... this would be unforgivable. If I were in your shoes, when I got home with my son I would be packing my husband's things and leaving them outside. It would be divorce for me. What he's done is completely disgusting.

Nixen · 27/07/2019 08:16

You sound like a lovely mum OP, your DS will be fine and he will remember the way you have handled this, so well done. I hope your DH has returned to the tent now - get you and your DS home and work out the rest of it later

BurnedToast · 27/07/2019 08:17

Sorry you're going through this OP. My father is an alcoholic so I totally get it. Flowers

FelixFelicis6 · 27/07/2019 08:18

Flowers for you. You have handled this so well. Hope both are ok.

LLOE7 · 27/07/2019 08:18

So glad you are on your way- hope your ds is okay!

anunseemlylovefordustin · 27/07/2019 08:19

Just read this thread with mounting horror and then relief! My exDH is a recovering addict too and follows what sounds like the same pattern - he does amazingly well for months and months and then spectacularly falls off the wagon just for 24 hours or so. Then starts the long haul back again. Solidarity to you and to your son. What a horrible night you've had. Hopefully you'll soon be with him.

Tiredemma · 27/07/2019 08:19

I hope you manage to get to your son and get him home. My son is there with family friends and if I had noticed your post last night, I would have given you their contact details just in case your son wanted to be with someone ( although it sounds like his tent was a safer space for him).
If he does choose to stay then I'll send you my sons number ( he is 16) he would be happy to drop him a text to let him know that someone is on site to link up with him if need be