Does anyone understand the feeling of feeling trapped and stifled by a newborn baby?

[YellowsAndPinks]

Despite very much loving and wanting them? I have a 6 month old and was desperate for a family but I find myself wishing away the early months and years as I feel trapped and it makes me very anxious and panicky. I already feel better than I did at the beginning so hope I continue to improve and I never regret having my child but I do look at people who are happily child free and envy their freedom. It's more than wanting freedom though as I have support and could get time away to do things, it's the weight of responsibility that I know will never leave me I find incredibly difficult to cope with.

Having a baby can be relentless and lonely and exhausting no matter how much you wanted them. My DS is nearly 6 months and I ADORE him but some days I just want to cry.

I vividly remember the first day I felt trapped with the girls (twins) at about six weeks old. It will hit you a few times but it does pass, and it is worth it. You just don't realise the freedom of being child free until you're not.
It doesn't make you a bad mum, just human and it does get better.

I remember finding six months particularly hard because my eldest was very hard to get into solids. I had been expecting increasing amounts of freedom and liberation and all of a sudden I found the drudgery tripled with thrice daily 90 minute feeding sessions, the majority of which I spent on my knees wiping avocado and rice off the floor. It was never (really) the baby, always the grinding housework that had me in tears!
That was when the permanence of the weight of responsibility hit me - I know exactly what you mean. But it will get better, I promise.

Yes, pretty normal feelings to have. Your life has changed massively. It will get easier or at least be difficult in different ways as they grow and develop through different stages! It is really overwhelming with a six month old though, you're still in the thick of it and I remember feeling everything you have written.

Have you been to see your GP to rule out PND? I felt this way about DD. I loved her but she didn’t sleep and BF constantly. I used to just sit in the sofa and cry some days. I even remember thinking ‘would it be so awful if she died’ which sounds awful but it felt like a prison sentence at the time. It’s normal to find the baby months exhausting and overwhelming, don’t be afraid to say if you need help.

Ps DD is 9 now and she is a joy, honestly we smile and laugh every day. You’ll get through it.

Well, in a culture where people clutch pearls if you ask for family support, friends gathering to celebrate your moment or doing anything like that and neighbourhood support is non existent, is it any wonder so many new moms feel so isolated and hopelessly out of depth. I think the whole approach to this really needs to change.

I have felt exactly as you’re feeling, particularly with DC1. For me things changed when I went back to work and regained some of my identity. And then my heart ached for him for a while while he was at nursery. I’ve just spent two weeks solidly with him as he has had his tonsils out and if I’m honest I’m finding it a challenge now and am looking forward to packing him off to sports camp next week. He’s wonderful but he’s very intense and invaded my space so much (physical and emotional). I am looking forward to missing him next week

I definitely felt like this when DD was tiny. Particularly as I was breastfeeding. It felt kind of claustrophobic and I envied other people's freedom. DD is nearly two now and I feel so much better. You do kind of get used to the responsibility and it just becomes normal

Yes, I think everyone does.

Yes, I recognise that feeling. Now dd is 4 and ds is 14 months and I don't feel like that anymore. You adapt, the feeling comes and goes. And because you're dc are the most delightful people you'll ever meet - it's totally worth it!

But completely human and normal to feel like that. Don't make the mistake of feeling bad about it because I bet every mother feels like that in the first year or so

Totally. I had a winter baby as well and really felt like I'd never have freedom again.

*your

Yes, I'm feeling like this at the minute.

Ds is 6 weeks old and has colic and I'm sure he's just started teething. Dh works away during the week so all of the responsibility for our baby and our 5 year old is on me.

The baby likes to stay awake all day but sleeps all night except for his feeds. I'm waking up every morning wishing the day away and hoping bed time comes fast because the night times are easier than the days.

It does get easier the older they get and the more independent they become. It's easier to get out and you will feel less trapped

The loneliness of having a small baby attached to you all the time is something no one prepares you for. You are on the cusp of it getting much better. Hang on in there.

I completely understand this. Dd is seven months old. We went through so much to get to this point. She is our one and only. Everything worries me about her. She was poorly last week and already I'm subconsciously worrying about her getting poorly again.

I've barely slept last night because the heat meant dd sweated all night and I was worried something might happen to her.

I pacify myself by saying that's what being a parent is all about, you will always worry, always want the best for them and at times wonder what it would be like to go back to before all that responsibility.
M

I felt very, very much like this. DS is now one and I never feel like this (also relevant here is probably the fact I work FT and so have quite a lot of time away from him).

He was a desperately wanted baby, conceived after several miscarriages, and I don't think I'll ever quite get over my guilt about not enjoying the early months - every now and then I torture myself by reading one of those MN threads where people compete to say how amazingly easy having a newborn is and how they just loved every second, which always make me feel like the world's shittiest mother - but for me, even still very early on (only seven months on from you, which is nothing!), it's got so, so much better. I just find him so much fun now, and the brutal truth is that I found having a very young baby a deadly combination of stressful and - above all - boring.

YES.

I want it all. The baby the career but ALL AT THE SAME TIME PLEASE.

I cannot. I have to stop to have the baby and wait before it begins again. I'm finding it hard.
He's 7 months and an absolutely delight but I miss testing my brain and the stress of work and academia, as opposed to the stress of washing and hoovering a fucking packed lunches.

As ever, I echo everyone @Lisa says. I hated having a small baby despite longing and trying for one for many years. Everything started getting better at 7 months and now, at 18 months she's a joy and I get excited about her waking up so I can see her. Never thought that would happen. This too shall pass, OP, and it's okay to feel this way.

Yes, I think everyone does.

No, not everyone. But clearly many.

I wouldn't say I felt trapped - but I definitely knew when I needed time away. My second child is 12 weeks and I've just done a couple of days at work and it was amazing. I came back home refreshed and ready to be mummy again. I just needed a day to step away.

It’s a period of adjustment, I can remember the feeling of immense responsibility and that I couldn’t just grab my purse and dash out of the door. It does get easier OP, it’s still early days.

I think one thing that sounds like it doesn't help at all, but actually does quite enough, is them getting old enough that you have to do 'kid' things with them - go to the park, or softplay, or whatever. People go on about how you can 'just get on with life' with a tiny baby because they're so mobile, but I think that's what I found so hard - I was trying to do that, but it just felt like a rubbish version of my previous life. You can't actually do what you want, but you don't know what else to do, either. Now he's on the verge of being a toddler life is just incomparable to life before him, and I actually find that much, much easier because the comparative lack of freedom is less in your face.

every now and then I torture myself by reading one of those MN threads where people compete to say how amazingly easy having a newborn is and how they just loved every second, which always make me feel like the world's shittiest mother

@LisaSimpsonsbff I totally do this

@LisaSimpsonsbff lovely to see you here. I frequented the mc boards with you. How lovely we both have babies now!

I agree with everything you say, I sometimes even feel guilty that I went through so much and didn't really love the first few months. I didn't though, they were a blur. We were looking back at photos last night and honestly dd in my mind is and always has been like she is now. Almost like I've blocked it out. Funny really.