Does anyone understand the feeling of feeling trapped and stifled by a newborn baby?

[YellowsAndPinks]

Despite very much loving and wanting them? I have a 6 month old and was desperate for a family but I find myself wishing away the early months and years as I feel trapped and it makes me very anxious and panicky. I already feel better than I did at the beginning so hope I continue to improve and I never regret having my child but I do look at people who are happily child free and envy their freedom. It's more than wanting freedom though as I have support and could get time away to do things, it's the weight of responsibility that I know will never leave me I find incredibly difficult to cope with.

I was exactly the same as you with my first op. Always worried that something might happen, knowing they were my responsibilty for the next 18 years and even beyond, desperate for them to reach the next milestone, and wishing the baby months away so that they weren't so fragile. I always so looked forward to getting away for a bit, for a night out or something then when I did I felt guilty and anxious. With my second I'm enjoying it so so much more and the time is flying by. It does get easier, you sort of learn to deal with the worries as you get more competent. They never go away but they become easier to live with.

What helped me with this was having a mother and siblings who were completely honest about what it was like, both the good and bad bits. I could talk openly to them and they really understood.
The first year is so all-encompassing and very hard work. All we get from wider society is either idealistic cooing or misery motherhood writing (usually by Rachel Cusk or similar in The Guardian).
Neither is balanced or helpful. Because, in my case, it was the combination of deep love for the baby with feeling trapped, bored and worried that made it so testing.

I feel like this and my kids are 7 and 5