Does anyone understand the feeling of feeling trapped and stifled by a newborn baby?

[YellowsAndPinks]

Despite very much loving and wanting them? I have a 6 month old and was desperate for a family but I find myself wishing away the early months and years as I feel trapped and it makes me very anxious and panicky. I already feel better than I did at the beginning so hope I continue to improve and I never regret having my child but I do look at people who are happily child free and envy their freedom. It's more than wanting freedom though as I have support and could get time away to do things, it's the weight of responsibility that I know will never leave me I find incredibly difficult to cope with.

@VoyageInTheDark I have no idea why I do it! It always makes me feel terrible. It is a little easier now that DS is the same age as some of the ones talking about how newborns are easy but older ones are so much harder (he's 13 months so still very much at the younger end, though - am aware that full toddlerhood might hit very hard!). When he was younger I thought those women were just much better mothers than me, whereas now that I'm really enjoying an age that some other people find hard I have more of sense of perspective that we all have our strengths and weaknesses and almost no one coasts serenely through it all!

Also, wave to @peachgreen and @rarfy!

It's very understandable and YANBU. Everything changes when children come along. Sometimes I envy the freedom that old me had, but it doesn't mean you're a bad mother. It just means you're human.

every now and then I torture myself by reading one of those MN threads where people compete to say how amazingly easy having a newborn is and how they just loved every second, which always make me feel like the world's shittiest mother

I genuinely loved every second with my second. It was not "easy" at any point though. But by that time I was much older and an experienced parent. This was in stark contract to my first. I found the adjustment from not being a parent to "suddenly" being one was colossal and it knocked me for 6. I remember many times I felt like that it wasn't that I didn't want my DD to not be around, I just wanted to rewind the clock sometimes back to my pregnancy so I could just breathe for a bit. I found the adjustment from 1 to 2 far far easier and this enabled me to enjoy it all. Also the fact she was hard won after many losses and we knew would be our last baby helped me stop and smell the roses a bit more. Neither of my two have been easy though.

Definitely. Was a big feeling for me when I had my DCs, esp the first. You always feel ‘responsible’ but it lessens as they get older and become more independent.

You are not alone in feeling like this, getting back to work helped me to be honest.

I could have written your post! I have a six month old too, who I keep wishing was at an age I could enjoy. Everything feels relentless, so it’s reassuring to know it will get better!

I had twins as my first baby.

The feeling of being trapped was overwhelming at the start.

It's hard going from having complete autonomy over your day to being tied to 2 hourly feeds 😟

Found 6 MTHS so hard trying to introduce solids and still same amount of milk feeds.

It really does get easier

I could've written this a couple of months ago- I only started enjoying him past 9 months. Hang in there, it does get easier. X and, you're not a bad mum- just an honest one. I wish more people were honest about motherhood IRL- it would make things so much easier for all of us. I've been the mum who speaks up amongst the baby groups about how hard I've found motherhood and I usually get mums moving away and ignoring me!

I'm so glad I've read this- have a 5mo and feel totally the same sometimes, stifled by the responsibility and weight of the love I have for LO. Was feeling guilty and crap too, I'm glad at least I'm not alone!. all round.

I had one, loved it, perfect baby, slept through at 6 weeks, laid back happy baby.

Had twins second time round and I hated it. First year was a nightmare although obvs adore them.

Taking on a tiny human being is the biggest change in your life and responsibility you’ll probably ever have. Of course it won’t always be easy.

I feel exactly this way and spent this morning explaining as such to the MH assessment team to get referred for talking therapy, only what's the point when DD took up half the appointment with feeding/crying/needing? Talking therapy will basically be 90% her and then 10% me talking rapidly but quietly should she happen to nap.

It is so, so hard. I breastfeed round the clock. There's no demarcation between each day as she wakes up 5 times a night. She won't be put down for naps so expressing isn't an option and basically I am tied to her night and day and never get a break long enough to feel like a break, it is relentless.

I find myself counting down/wishing away, desperately: we're at 3 months so another 3 and at least I can start solids and hopefully she'll BF less?; at 9 months I'm going back to work and DP's looking after her; at a year I can give up breastfeeding (I wish I were someone who could go longer but I already want to scream and I need to be able to share the night wake-ups properly).

No advice just hardcore solidarity. I am anxious all the time and feel constantly like I'm balancing above a massive abyss of panic. The responsibility of being the feeder/hydrator/keeper-aliver/sleep-maker is simply enormous. Sleep deprivation doesn't help; nor does loneliness; nor does bloody colic; nor do people telling me it gets easier because they've all said different times – 6 weeks, 10 weeks, etc. It didn't get easier at 6 or 10 weeks for me; I haven't got my evenings back, she's not sleeping longer, all the promises people made/make don't help if your baby doesn't follow that pattern.

What you are feeling is very much normal. Went through this with my 4th child. Had no help from anyone. Childrens father passed away. Babies dont keep. They grow so fast. Mine are all grown now. You will get through these emotional times OP. Keep your head up.

I’m in Cornwall and all day I see people out enjoying themselves in this nice weather but I can’t do any of it. I can’t take my baby to the beach as there is just too much stuff to bring with us, only steps down to the beach and my baby hates being in her sling. Wherever we go she wants feeding (breast) every hour but doesn’t want this at home. Some of my favourite walks are too bumpy for the pram, the only footpath out of our village is across a field and we have been just taken off the bus route (don’t drive) so I am trapped. Send help .

She is just three months now and it is getting a bit easier.

Having a baby is like going back to the 1950s.
There we are having a career, travelling, social life then 9 months later we are a milk factory scrapping avocado off the floor.
Not necessarily pnd op...some of us just miss being free and dont find domestic drugery fun.( me included.)
Can you get a sitter?

I felt exactly,as you did OP. The mistake I made was thinking, as it is so easy to do beforehand, that the baby would fit into my life whereas of course I soon realised that to avoid going mad my life would have to fit Into his. Things were much easier once I had realised this. PS it’s still like this now he’s 34, mind you - ie we meet when he can make it, as he has a hectic life and we’re retired!

People who say newborns are easy are liars!

Thank you for all the replies it helps to know what I'm feeling is normal. It's the relentlessness. I feel like every waking moment I'm trying to keep DC happy and prevent some kind of meltdown. I can't just sit and have a cup of tea and watch TV she wants attention constantly.

@malificent7 you've got it spot on with the 1950s comment! OP, like some previous posters I found it all a bit easier once I went back to work and had a bit of time away. Thats not to say I didn't enjoy mat leave (am in last few weeks of it with DC2 now) but I am not cut out to stay at home for years. You might be the same!

Yes, it's an immense shock. It does pass though. And in my experience it's never the same with subsequent children.

It can be relentless because everything feels like a faff. One of the best things you can do for your sanity though is to try and get the baby to play a bit by themselves even if they grizzle and gradually build it up so they can entertain themselves when they’re a toddler. The constant need for attention will drive you nuts if you feel like you can’t even grab a tea or go for a wee in peace.

Also how are naps/sleep going? My friends with the most challenging babies didn’t sleep well and were constantly a bit overtired and highly strung. One of my friends has just paid for a sleep consultation and she is so much happier and everything has become much easier for her.

It's the relentlessness. I feel like every waking moment I'm trying to keep DC happy and prevent some kind of meltdown.

Please try and work on this. I know it’s hard but I’ve also got a (nearly) 6 month old and I’m currently sitting drinking coffee and eating granola whilst he happily bounces in his

Do you follow Pinky McKay on Facebook? She posted something the other day about letting children be bored as they actually need it for their brain to develop properly. I’ve probably not explained it at all well!

Not sure why the word jumperoo vanished from my post!

Of course you are not being unreasonable, having a baby is a massive tie. It does get better, honestly.

Bloody hell yes OP. Definitely

Hang in there.