To be terrified I'm too old for a baby

[Zippylove]

I'm now 35 and don't have a child, although would absolutely love one. I've got a boyfriend and in the near future we would love to start trying for a baby.

Because of my age I'm a bit nervous about whether we will be able to conceive quickly. Please tell me, if you were over 35 when you had a baby and how long did it take to conceive? Thanks

My first at 35 (one month to conceive), second 37 (one month also)
You can by ovulation sticks which I found helpful. Good luck

Gosh OP don't worry - you're young!

I started ttc at 37. I had quite a demanding job and it took me 18 months to conceive my DS, which happened on a month long late honeymoon in Australia.

I started ttc my second when I was 41. I had an ectopic pregnancy which luckily just dissipated without need for a tube removal, but I then had an early miscarriage a few months later. I finally conceived my DD a couple of months after that and gave birth aged 42.

The only person I know who has had problems around this age is a cycling fanatic who I think perhaps hindered her chances by just over exerting herself sadly.

I was 39 when I had my youngest. Hes 9 now.

Egg freezing at 35 probably isn’t the best option either. Most clinics wouldn’t accepted donations from women that age for a reason - the quality and quality is reduced compared to younger women. Don’t confuse frozen eggs with frozen embryos. The unfreezing stage for both is risky but with the embryos you at least know they are fertilised and ‘just’ need to implant. An egg needs to be unfrozen, then fertilised so the whole process is riskier with a lower success rate.

I had two prior miscarriages in my mid 20s in previous relationships.

I got pregnant at 35, probably took 3ish months. Like you I was concerned how long it would take to conceive (and repeated miscarriages).

I was extremely lucky, and had DD at 36 with no issues.

I was 40 when I had my oldest, 43 when I had my youngest. Took me years and years but that was because of male infertility, nothing to do with me. Both children are absolutely perfect and I am in the best shape I've ever been because they're energetic little fellows.

Started at 34. Took us 11 months. Thought, we’ll try again quickly because we wanted 2 with a small age gap. Took us 2 months. There’s 17 months between them 😳

first cycle each child. older than you.

I had my first at 39 and my second at 41. My first was a Clomid baby and my second was with no intervention. Yes I was "high risk" but had no complications and they are just scrumptious.

I was 38 and 41 when I had my children. Number 1 took eighteen months and number 2 took twelve months. It could well be quicker for you. But what I would suggest is do everything you can to get yourself in good condition. When might mean losing a few pounds or gaining a few pounds. Becoming relaxed in the best that is for you - could be massage or mindfulness , or sessions in the gym, whatever works. Also eat really healthily and cut down on caffeine.

Meanwhile see when your fertile period is in your cycle. Even people with 28 day cycles may vary when they ovulate. I think mine was earlier in my cycle than I realised. Then, have lots of sex!

If it doesn't happen after, say, nine months, see a private gynaecologist. It could save you money in the long term. I found out I had ovarian cysts which can hinder implantation. I had those taken out and got pregnant the next month. Which meant I was still younger and didn't need IVF (hence saving you money in the long term comment).

Sorry if this is too long, but wanted to help if I could, good luck.

You may be very fertile at 35, but if this is something you want, I wouldn’t delay TTC without good reason, as you just don’t know until you try. And if it takes longer or if you need IVF, it is better to give yourself more time and therefore a better chance

This.

I started TTC at 35. It took 3 years and then 2 IVF attempts to have DS. We had "unexplained infertility" which means no reason for our problems conceiving was ever found. This is more common than you would think (and by definition wouldn't be picked up on one of those pre-conception fertility MOTs).

The odds are still very much on your side at 35, and you have every chance of conceiving and having a healthy baby, so be cautiously optimistic... but be aware that 1 in 5 women in their late 30s won't conceive naturally within 12 months. If nothing happens after 6 months of TTC you should both visit your GP, and at 35+ you will be entitled to NHS-funded fertility investigations. If that doesn't reveal any problems, don't give it more than another 6 months before you seek help.

Just had an oops baby after 1 shag at 41.

37 and knew I was pregnant 5 weeks after stopping contraception.
My best mate was about the same.
Another friend got pregnant at 37 after two years of trying. Another had her first at 41 and second at 43.

Conceived (with only one tube and ovary) at 36, 37 and 39. My grandmother had her only child at 49.

1st at 34 . 2nd at 40. Took about 3 months both times.

34 when started trying. Our son is due in about 4 weeks and I will be 38. Various tests and investigations in between. I have low ovarian reserve. A miracle he was conceived spontaneously, TBH.

38. Conceived due to a pill failure, fell pregnant with fraternal twins, later found out that I hyperovulate and release two eggs at a time. Unfortunately one of my babies didn't make it, but my son is 5 months old and thinking of baby number 2.

ReeReeR

I think OP just needs some reassurance, not “yes of course it will probably be more difficult now that you’re 35”

But we cannot in all honesty reassure OP. Just because others got pregnant easily at 35+ doesn’t mean she will. Everyone is different. This thread is likely to give her false hope, because women who fell easily are jumping on here to tell their stories and women who didn’t are largely staying silent.

I was 39 and nearly 41 when I had mine. Miscarried at 8 weeks first.

Babies are fine in your forties, teenagers in your menopausal fifties are far more of an issue but it is too late to do much about it by then!

ReeRee, it will probably be fine though..

I don't get posters who are saying things like 'I conceived straight away at X age, you'll be fine'. You can't know that! While one person may be 42 and conceive easily, another may be 22 and infertile. Op, these anecdotes mean very little. You can look up the statistics and by all means let people's stories on here give you a positive mindset but you can't possibly know until you start trying.

think OP just needs some reassurance, not “yes of course it will probably be more difficult now that you’re 35”

I don’t think there’s any value in treating OP like an idiot saying it’ll be fine and reassuring her. She obviously is aware fertility decreases with age. It’d be crueler to have a host of women saying ‘oh you’ll be fine, look how many of us had babies in our forties!’ giving her false hope (of course she COULD be fine and probably will be but nobody knows that). Going by threads like these as they’re on a forum for parents you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s a piece of cake having a baby in your forties, when the evidence suggests differently. Over 40 you have only a 5% chance of conceiving each month, and a 30% chance of being infertile. Under 35 your risk of having a miscarriage is around 15% but 35-45 that rises to 20-35% (and 50% at 45 and above!).

At 25 your chances of having a baby with Downs Syndrome is 1/1200, but at 35 it’s 1/350 and at 40 1/100. As we age the chances of a successful healthy pregnancy diminish, it’s just biology.

Of course it’s not all doom and gloom and OP has a good chance if she gets started ASAP, but giving pointless ‘it’ll be fine!’ replies when nobody has a crystal ball is just silly. Better to be straight, let the facts speak for themselves, and for OP to get cracking ASAP than just think oh look how many women have had babies way older than me, I can afford to wait or be casual about this.

I speak from some limited experience, I’m only 31 but knew from 22 I had endometriosis and started wanting kids at 27, my ex didn’t so we broke up and I dated and met a man who did want them and we started TTC when I turned 31, prior to TTC I went for surgery to see how my endo was doing and found it had spread so extensively it irreparably blocked one of my tubes. I woke up from the surgery being informed I’m subfertile and have a lower chance of getting pregnant than a healthy person, and to give it a shot ASAP and come back in six months if it didn’t work. We, by some miracle, did get pregnant and so far it’s going well. But had I waited longer there’s a high chance my other tube would have ended up blocked too and I’d have been unable to have children naturally without assistance.

It pays to have a bit of knowledge around fertility and age imo and at 35 OP needs to be feeling some urgency if having a baby is really important to her (not so much of a problem if she’s ambivalent).

When I was 39 and pregnant and told the GP I thought I was too old to conceive she replied that she had handled a successful natural pregnancy in a 52 year old before!

Hi @Zippylove I was 35 when conceived and was our first go. Had my little boy at 36 :). I expected it to take a while due to age and I have endometriosis so was very relaxed about it. I do think that helped as stress apparently can hinder things. x

I don't get posters who are saying things like 'I conceived straight away at X age, you'll be fine'

I was going to post the same, it's a stupid thing to post, do those posters actually understand how fertility works?