To be terrified I'm too old for a baby

[Zippylove]

I'm now 35 and don't have a child, although would absolutely love one. I've got a boyfriend and in the near future we would love to start trying for a baby.

Because of my age I'm a bit nervous about whether we will be able to conceive quickly. Please tell me, if you were over 35 when you had a baby and how long did it take to conceive? Thanks

In Spain you wouñd be bang on average age to start a family. Most women are I their mid 30s.dont worry.

I was almost 36 and got pregnant 1st month of trying. It came as a huge shock as I'd heard so much about how your fertility drops off a cliff around that age, so I'd got set for a long wait. I did plan when in the month to do the deed though. Obviously got lucky!

OP it is pointless asking this question. Fertility is such a lottery. Amongst my friends, they either pretty much fell straightaway or took a really long time, there was no-one who took anything like the average time. You’re conducting a biased survey, because people are more likely to give you happy stories than sad. And it doesn’t mean that you’re more likely to be successfully straightaway. Everyone is different.

What is more certain is that fertility does decline after age 35 so you’d be better off getting on with it really.

Met & married within 2 yrs when I was 39 so I was 42 1/2 when I had DD. Took about 6 months to (naturally) conceive. I was very much of the attitude that if it happens it happens because I knew that my chances would be slim, so being less stressed about getting pregnant in the 1st place helped me to achieve it.....
We tried almost immediately for a second but it didn't happen.

I was 35 when we conceived DD1 after 2 month of trying. DD2 was conceived at 38 after 1 month of trying.

Don't forget to start taking folic acid. Good luck.

If having a baby is a priority then I wouldn’t delay. You may well conceive quickly but if you don’t the investigations/treatment required take years. You have 12-13 cycles a year and most tests/treatments need to fit in with those cycles so that, brutally, gives you an idea as to how many ‘goes’ you have got. It took me 3 cycles for example to get a tube viability test completed.

Talk about ‘it being more about being healthy’ is misleading. Yes, if you are an obese smoker and heavy drinker you might want to reconsider your lifestyle particularly as these things can disqualify you from some treatment. However, you can be outwardly in tip top health and still be infertile. Blocked tubes, low ovarian reserve, low sperm count - none of these ‘show’ and none of these things can be influenced by a fitness regime.

Fertility might not fall off a cliff at 35 but the ovarian reserve is reduced and there are fewer good quality eggs. There isn’t a definitive test but an AMH blood test gives an idea as to how fertile you are.

Older mothers have higher rates of miscarriage, still birth and genetic abnormalities. It’s not nice to hear but it is true. Those celebrities who give birth in their late 40s and early 50s will likely have donor eggs from younger women. Or have frozen embryos from when they were younger. You may be one of the lucky ones who conceives quickly and has a normal pregnancy and birth but if you want to be sure it is better to ttc now.

I'm not sure if doing a sample like this is helpful. Much more helpful to look at your own female relatives. When did they have children? When do they enter menopause? I've found this was revealing in friend's fertility issues when a friend started menopause in her early 30s. All her relatives had had children in their teens and 20s and there were also some who had earlier menopause than average but had never mentioned it.

I agree it's best to just get trying as u won't know until u do, and plan it out so you're trying at your most fertile point in the month..but equally dont get too anxious about it.

Hi. I was 36...caught first try 😉...easy pregnancy, ok birth. Now a tired older mum of trying teen...that's the hard bit!!

I vaguely remember reading something about fertility declining 15 years before menopause. You can read up on it yourself as I'm not entirely sure of the facts. But this does make sense if you look at the average age of menopause and then think about the age of 35 being cited when fertility begins declining.

Therefore those who start menopause just 5 years earlier start having declining fertility from 30.

40 conceived (birth at 41) after four months trying, conceived second baby at 42 (birth at 43) after about three months trying.
My sister had her baby at 45, wasn’t trying. Friend had her only child at 46 also not trying. Cousin had her third conceived at 39, tried for maybe three months. Friend had her third at 40, no idea how long she was trying.

People are having babies later and later. I understand your worry as I am also 35 and TTC. Yes age is a factor in conceiving but that all it is, a factor. One person at 35 is not going to have the same fertility as another at 35. Just as some people have heart attacks at 30 and others live to a hundred. The best thing you can do is try to live a healthy lifestyle, eat well, exercise, don’t smoke and keep drink to a minimum to give yourself the best chance.

Helpful @Wishingalot

I think OP just needs some reassurance, not “yes of course it will probably be more difficult now that you’re 35”.

36, took 4 years and one round of IVF.

I don't see how this info is going to help you learn anything about your own fertility. You could conceive easily at 46 or you could be the person who would have struggled even in her late 20s. Find a fertility specialist and get tested.

I fell pregnant on the 1st cycle at 36. Good luck.

Hey...not too old at all.
1st at 30
2nd at 33
3rd at 41.
I don’t think age matters as much as it did.
You’ve got plenty of time x

I'm 42 and currently 5 months pregnant with my first baby - we started ttc when I was 38 and it has taken this time, plus two rounds of IVF to get here. When I was first seen at a fertility clinic at 40 I had very low AMH (egg reserve) and my partner has issues too. I agree with everything lozster has said above , especially about it just being about being healthy - we are both outwardly very healthy, low BMI, I have never smoked and am not a heavy drinker. No family issues re: difficulties conceiving or early menopause either.

I was single at 35 and looking back, wish I had had fertility investigations then or frozen my eggs. I did consider it but thought because I had never had any gynae issues and was fit and healthy, ate really well etc. and had friends who conceived easily in their late 30's that I would most likely be okay. That wasn't to be and I know that we have been incredibly lucky to have success at this stage. I would now always advise TTC carefully, using OPK's etc and looking into your fertility if you have difficulty sooner rather than later, if you are really keen to conceive in your late 30's as infertility is a hard (and lonely) road to go down (at any age).

Took 5 years to give birth at 35. 5 years for next child. It is not easy for all.

I had 6 preganancies between 34 and 43 with 4 Iive births including the last one. For the ones over 40 my Obgyn checked my egg reserve so we’d have an idea if I could even get pregnant then.

My sister was 42 when she had her youngest, plenty time left yet. X

i'm sure my grandmother thought she was too old, when she got pregnant at 50 with her 8th child.
Was terribly ashamed to be seen in those days as still having sex with her husband.
Of course she assumed her symptoms were the menopause.
So I have an uncle six yrs older than me.

No I don't think it's good to just reassure older women that other older women got pregnant and so will they! No one knows that.

My heart breaks for friends and acquaintances who are optimistically ttc or are talking about waiting to ttc when they are already late 30s, and they are reassured by their family and friends that there is still time. No one knows that! I am so glad that women have the option to have fertility testing now. And that is what op should go and do.

I was 34 when I fell pregnant after 2 and a half years of trying - due 6 weeks after our booked wedding date 🤷🏼‍♀️. Had my DS when I 35.

I am 39 now and would like another. If it happens then great, if not then we will be a one-child family

Try not to worry so much - Dr suggested us relaxing helped us conceive

Menopause and infertility are not the same thing. You can be pre-menopausal, menstruating regularly and still infertile/low fertility. You don’t know until you start trying. Ovulation prediction kit’s might give you a clue, an AMH might too as would a sperm test but you don’t know until you try. You may be no more or no less fertile in 2 years from what you are now but if you knew that now you would have more time on your side to do something about it compared to just waiting to see.