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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified I'm too old for a baby

251 replies

Zippylove · 26/07/2019 18:54

I'm now 35 and don't have a child, although would absolutely love one. I've got a boyfriend and in the near future we would love to start trying for a baby.

Because of my age I'm a bit nervous about whether we will be able to conceive quickly. Please tell me, if you were over 35 when you had a baby and how long did it take to conceive? Thanks Smile

OP posts:
Littlemissdaredevil · 27/07/2019 09:01

I conceived the month before I was 37. It took me 6 months to conceive but I did have a job with lots of travel so I wasn’t at home often at the right time of the month!

ReeReeR · 27/07/2019 09:02

I just meant I think we all know it is likely to get harder as you get older, OP knows that, hence her post, but she asked how long it took us to conceive after 35. I don’t think it’s helpful to just comment to point out that it does get harder around 35...

I think the overall response is that everyone is different, many people have conceived easily after 35, some have had difficulty, but that can be the case at any age and you don’t know until you try BUT if you want kids then don’t delay and start trying...

Neverender · 27/07/2019 09:03

Tried once and had my first daughter at 36

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 27/07/2019 09:06

When I was 39 and pregnant and told the GP I thought I was too old to conceive she replied that she had handled a successful natural pregnancy in a 52 year old before!

🙄

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 27/07/2019 09:35

Hi ..I had my first child at 19 and my second child at 41...she is now 7..I think its the best thing ever.Neither child was planned if I am being honest but pregnancy went well with few problems.Being an older mum is great.I have more patience,more time,more stability,and more money.The only down side is I have found is my energy levels arent what they were but dads and big brothers are so I am grateful for that.

Pieceofpurplesky · 27/07/2019 10:30

I was 35. One attempt

Pieceofpurplesky · 27/07/2019 11:28

Also my cousin was 46. Five rounds of IVF, gave up and went on holiday. Came back pregnant.

lozster · 27/07/2019 11:32

There is some really bad advice on here. Confirmatory examples don’t get you pregnant. ‘Relaxing’ doesn’t get you pregnant. Cutting out caffeine doesn’t get you pregnant. A healthy and viable egg with a healthy and viable sperm is what might get you pregnant. You are born with your lifetime supply of eggs. It’s not just that they are (generally) less numerous as you age, the quality is (generally) worse. It’s worth having this conversation with your boyfriend. In my experience most people are a bit naive about fertility but men are even less well informed than women. And I include myself in the group of naive people too. Like many people fertility to me was all about avoiding pregnancy. So much so it seemed like conceiving couldn’t be that hard. I thought 35 was a tip top age. It took me 7 years to have my ds and I count myself as lucky to have got there.

GizzardChops · 27/07/2019 12:14

I conceived my second baby (at 34) quicker than my first. In fact DC2 was conceived first month trying, which was a shock!

You really don't know what your situation will be until you start TTC. Problems conceiving can happen at any age. You may be lucky and get pregnant quickly. I hope you are! Good luck.

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 27/07/2019 12:23

In my experience most people are a bit naive about fertility but men are even less well informed than women. And I include myself in the group of naive people too. Like many people fertility to me was all about avoiding pregnancy. So much so it seemed like conceiving couldn’t be that hard. I thought 35 was a tip top age.

Yeah. My ex thought we could safely wait until our late thirties to have our first child and it’d be no problem, cos his mum had him at 35.

It was such a relief when I met my OH, and explained I was ready to start a family within a couple of years (I was 28, him 24) and started to explain my endometriosis and he stopped me and said I really didn’t need to justify when someone approaching their thirties would be ready and wanting to TTC within a little while. But then again he’s in medicine so he knew more about it than me. Most men I’ve met who aren’t medics haven’t the first clue and think women can merrily pop babies out no problem until their forties.

Personally part of feeling the pressure at thirty was knowing that if we had any problems we’d have some time to try sort them out, which is another consideration. Fertility treatment is less effective as you age.

PetraRabbit · 27/07/2019 12:27

Started TTC at nearly 41. Had first baby around 42, second baby conceived at 43 and due when I'll be 44.5. I'd ideally like a third. I had a miscarriage inbetween and #2 took much longer to conceive.
I think it's fair to feel more anxious around 37 or 38 when statistically there is a drop in fertility and I probably don't need to warn you that TTC at 43 is stressful, but 35 is still young. There's a lot you can do to maximise chances and most changes you make take about 3 months to have an effect on egg quality so look through the 35+ and 40+ TTC boards here and get going on a few of the less invasive basic supplements.

Abouttimemum · 27/07/2019 12:28

We started trying just before I turned 36. We’ve been together 20 years and were never going to have kids. I changed my mind. It took a year the time, we lost that baby at 16 weeks which was quite horrendous but a whole other story. We tried again straight away and it took a year again. We now have a beautiful baby boy and I’m nearly 39.
I know people my age who conceived the first month and others who are still struggling. It’s impossible to tell until you start.
It can be very stressful but it’s also amazing. Both the trying and the end result!!

NoWordForFluffy · 27/07/2019 12:31

At 35 I was pregnant in 5 months. At 36/37 it took 3 months.

Fertility doesn't necessarily drop off a cliff post-30. It's a very individual thing.

HavelockVetinari · 27/07/2019 12:37

Lots of anecdotes here but if you do want DC please get cracking earlier rather than later. I say that as someone who is about to embark on IVF #7 - no known fertility issues, eggs and sperm both great, both early 30s in tip-top health. I naively assumed conceiving would be simple, it wasn't. I wish we'd started TTC younger than 28/29!

cochineal7 · 27/07/2019 13:14

The thing is: many women can get pregnant in their late thirties/ forties. I had mine easily at 41 and 44. The generations before anti conception became available had children in their forties (although it would often be child 9 or 10). But some women don’t- some don’t in their twenties, some not in their thirties or forties. Whether YOU can conceive is not going to rely in any way on whether anyone else can or has. But if you want them it is of course better to try now- if it for any reason doesn’t come easy you need time on your side. Good luck whatever road you take!

Karigan195 · 27/07/2019 13:29

age is only one factor. Nobody can say you’ll definitely be ok as there are a hundred reasons why people might find it hard to conceive but people do have kids with no issue at older ages.

If you’re worried then get an AMH test done to check your ovarian reserves but at 35 you still have good chances.

Currently sat here at 35 weeks pregnant and 41 myself

motheroftinydragons · 27/07/2019 13:51

Baby 1: 30. Took 3 months from coming off the pill
Baby 2: 33. Took 2 weeks from deciding to try.

Both despite having PCOS and being told it would take me years to fall pregnant/be prepared for IVF etc and the fact that both my mother and maternal grandmother struggled to conceive for years. I am very fortunate.

Loads of women have babies easily in their late thirties and even forties especially if they have no conditions which may make it more troublesome.

GottaLoveAnOtter · 27/07/2019 17:32

My fourth and last baby was conceived at the age of 45. Three months after having my coil removed.

KCM99 · 27/07/2019 18:13

At 34, took me 5 cycles to conceive, had beautiful son.
At 38, got pg by accident, had beautiful son.
At 43, got pg 1st try - ended in chemical, tried again next month and got pg again but it was a chemical, then tried again next month and got pg again but that ended at 6 weeks.

Ilikeviognier · 27/07/2019 20:23

I’ve been on both ends of this.

Ds1- a struggle and needed ivf at 35 as I had low ovarian reserve.
Ds2- took one month. At 36. A mega shock and no ivf.

Everyone’s experience is different, no one can know what will happen for you OP, and stories of people getting pregnant at 45 aren’t reassuring- it’s happened to them but that doesn’t mean a thing for you either way.

All I can say is that, personally I would get cracking at 35, unless I was happy to take the potential risk of waiting and it not happening, or taking years, later on.

LynseyLou1982 · 27/07/2019 21:45

I was 34 when I got pregnant on the first go. 35 when baby arrived.

Pinktornado · 27/07/2019 22:23

37 and took 1 year of ‘not not trying’. Once I paid attention and actually worked out when I was ovulating it took 1 month Smile

runninguphills · 27/07/2019 23:19

Age 35 - pregnant within 2 months of trying
Age 37 pregnant the first month of trying
Age 39 pregnant in 30 secs without trying

Squirl · 28/07/2019 00:01

35 - got pregnant v easily had miscarriage at just over 3 months. Pregnant again 3 months after and had beautiful boy.

Now have 2. Both v difficult births but they are doing v well now. Don’t worry just keep yourself healthy and happy and good luck.

OhioOhioOhio · 28/07/2019 00:03

When I was 35 I didn't have a baby. By 39 I had 3!xxxxx