Petty things you still can't forgive people for

[Milkbath]

I have two

First one is my SIL (husband's sister)
She means well, but we're very different people, and she can be brash and overbearing. We're constantly working on maintaining boundaries for her, as otherwise she'd stamp all over them.

When I had my baby, she arrived unannounced a few days after we came home. This coincided with the community midwife visiting, and instead of making her excuses and leaving, SIL sat there and listened as the midwife asked me all the usual questions, some of which were extremely personal. Meanwhile SIL's toddler DC was trashing the house. In hindsight I wish I'd said something, but I was so weak and exhausted. The midwife should have as well, she kept glancing over at sil with that sort of expectant "time to fuck off now" look but sil has the hide of a rhino. Midwife was younger than I was at the time and I think she was a bit intimidated too. Even sometimes now I think back to it and it infuriates me!

Someone stole a cassette off me when I was a teenager and I've never forgotten about it. I bet she's on MN too.

My MIL’s reaction to when I had a miscarriage. Told DH she was jealous that DH was running a hot bath for me after I’d spent all day in hospital, and said “I wish someone would do that for me”.
A few days later she refused to come over to babysit DS1 who was in bed, at 9pm, when the nurse on the ward told me over the phone someone had to bring me in straight away because I was bleeding heavily due to retained products, and they were worried about internal bleeding. She specifically told me not to drive myself. MIL said that she had a cold and I “just had to get on with it”. I was admitted onto the ward, she didn’t ask how I was for about 2 days afterwards and spent the next week posting those attention seeking “poor me” memes on Facebook.

2 years ago and it still smarts!

MIL when DH was moving out for us to move in together 'there will always be a bed for you here son'

My twin brother decided he wanted to play fight me on the playground, he roped in his friend to join (bowl cut boy). In the midst of me trying to free myself from being attacked by 2 boys, I managed to punch bowl cut boy right in the gut. He went off crying to a teacher and I didn't even defend myself. I got in a lot of trouble. His grandmother gave me evils for years (she works in the local pharmacy). This happened when I was 6 (20 years ago) and it still winds me up.

Luckily our insurance company dealt with the whole thing and told them where to go

I hope they took it much further than that and had them prosecuted for attempted insurance fraud. It's appalling enough when people make fraudulent claims on their own policies, but to do it to a random third party is outrageous. Considering that a claim invariably leads to an increased premium the following year, they were clearly looking to steal from both you AND your insurance company.

SVRT19674 Lent a very good friend of mine a favourite video film of mine and when asked for it back

I swapped about five of my favourite books with someone; who gave me her top 5. I carefully kept hers separately.

When I returned them, and asked for mine, she said she couldn't find them as she'd just put them on her shelves along with hundreds of her own books. Never ever got them back.

There was a newsagent near us where the owner was always super nice to children. However, when I hit puberty, he started giving me evils whenever I went in there (no idea why, I don’t think I acted any differently).

I’d always thought it was just me until a friend mentioned it years later.

Used to go “up town” every Sat night with a friend. We lived less than a mile from town but used to drive 4 miles in the opposite direction to pick her up, then drive back up into town. Then my mom would drive my car back home. Every single week.

She never offered any fuel money or brought me a drink in lieu of it.

One week, we didn’t realise that the road we used to drive into the town centre had been pedestrianised and got a £40 ticket from a traffic warden.

In my mind, she should have offered to pay half as that’s what I would have done. Also we wouldn’t have even been in the car if we hadn’t have picked her up. She never even offered. It only came back into my conscience again today as I drove past the road where she used to live.

When I was four months pregnant - first child, I had problems with my tooth - an abscess and was in so much pain but managed to get an emergency appointment and antibiotics on a Saturday morning. After, DH and I travelled to my parents house as previously arranged, nearly three hours by train. On arrival I realised I had forgotten my contact lens solution and asked my Dad for a lift to the local super market a few km away - they were very rural so no other shops. He refused to take me as why should he and took great delight in telling me I would remember next time wouldn't I? I had to sleep in my lens which just felt horrible besides still being in huge pain with the abscess. It was just so mean and I feel really angry when I think of it. He'd never do that to a family friend - he'd help them out. It's one of many similar reasons I am NC with my parents.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll That’s a good point! I didn’t think of that at the time

When dh told his brother I was pregnant he didn't congratulate us, his only reply was to ask if it was planned (we were married and in our early 30s) and say that dh shouldn't be telling anyone so soon (I was about 6 weeks pregnant) because I could have a miscarriage. We only told him because we were going on a family holiday in a few weeks with him and mil. I had terrible morning sickness and lots of foods made me nauseous so it would have been hard to hide, or I would have been told I'm just being awkward because I can't eat such and such. Bil also spent the whole holiday ignoring me and never once congratulated us. I felt like I had leprosy or something the whole holiday. 2 years on and I'm still quite annoyed by it.

Oh god 🤦🏼‍♀️.

I like to think I move on, and usually with major stuff I do. It takes a lot to annoy me but it's the small things that really get on my tits and once I've been crossed there's no going back!

A "friend" of 20 years who has always been likened to drama - can't stand it if something good is happening to you so will lie that something even better is happening in their lives etc. This particular friend had almost ended up having a breakdown due to their lies (which resulted in a lot of debt too) some 2 years before and I had taken some distance after trying to help with the fall out.

I had my DC and said friend wanted to come and visit and bring along their new partner (of 8 weeks who I've never met). I'm shattered. 4 days PP and so tired. They walk through my door, ask how baby is and pretty much announce that they've decided to get engaged and wave a ring in my face. I've never been so thankful to have childbirth as an excuse for sitting there and seething and barely saying a word. There was absolutely no need to share that news at that time. It was purely done to try and trump my news and my OH was 🙄😳 about it all.

So yes, I'm still pissed about that. I did make a point to my other friend that I was going to do the same and when they announced their wedding I was going to tell everyone I was pregnant at the ceremony 😂

As it happened I didn't get chance to announce a pregnancy at their wedding as I gave birth the day before! 😁😁

Also;

This from mil for so many reasons.

At her mils funeral she turned up in a bright peacock blue dress. The entire family and rest of the mourners were in black. She said she'd "had to google what to wear for a funeral and it said to wear what you'd wear for a job interview" I was 😳 and said nothing. It's bollocks. She's managed to hold a senior NHS position for over 40 years yet doesn't know what to wear for a funeral. Ok then.
She told us to join the rest of the mourners rather than the family until her fil told us to join the family.
After the funeral she asked me if I was upset at my dads funeral. Then asked if I still thought about him, even these 8 years later, and THEN came out with "well sometimes people don't last that long once their spouse dies"... as her FIL was stood behind her.

I have never been so embarrassed at another human beings conduct in my life. I still to this day cannot get over this.

When I was at secondary school we were doing a play about women being transported to Australia for committing crimes and our costumes where obviously ment to look dirty, my best friend and I got our costumes and mine was less dirty looking and less stained than hers and she moaned the whole day that mine was cleaner. I went for dinner at hers after school and forgot my costume at her house, next day she brings it to school and says look yours is perfect now its dirtier than mine now, cow had put tea bags and dirt on it and smeared it all over that was 20+ years ago now

My best friend is getting married next year and hasn't asked my daughter, her God daughter to be part of the wedding. While her daughter was growing up she often complained that family/friends had left her child out of weddings and she was obviously upset, shes now doing the same to mine and tbh it hurts a lot

Boobahs

Something similar happened to somebody we know, who doesn't drive but greatly relies on her elderly retired DF to drive her around everywhere. She had him take her to a retail park in a nearby big town, so he took her, giving up a lot of his time and, of course, spending his money on petrol.

Parking was free, but neither of them realised that you could only have two hours free parking. It's a silly rule and would seem to be counterintuitive to encouraging people to spend a lot of money in a number of shops in what is a destination shopping centre. There were signs, but neither of them thought to check them. The result was that he got a sizeable parking penalty through the post (I know these things can often be challenged or even ignored, but he doesn't use the internet and is very much a see it in black-and-white person).

She actually found it rather amusing and related the story later, laughing. Meanwhile, he was left with this penalty. She clearly saw it as his car, him driving, his fault, his problem. Never would have occurred to her in a million years to pay it or even offer to go halves.

No good turn goes unpunished, eh?

I spent ages writing a lovely story in about year three in primary school. The teacher let another boy read it out in assembly. I got no recognition and it was as if he’d written it. I never understood why. Another one was when my lovely DS wasn’t invited to a party for the twins who lived across the road who he would often play with. We could see all the other kids arriving and he kept asking if he could go and my heart was breaking for him as he kept looking out the window. I ended up taking him out instead. How cruel to do that to a 5 year old.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I just can't imagine why it doesn't enter some people's minds to do the decent thing

Years ago I lived next door a woman (C) who had a child the same age as mine.
When my son was in the back yard playing she would dangle her daughter over the wall and say lift her down please she wants to play......so I did every time and the kids loved playing together.

They had another neighbour on the other side who also had a little one of the same age. Their back yards were linked by a gate....

.....so the the other niighbours daughter wondered into C's yard.
C says can you pass my daughter back over ,so I did.
My son started crying for the little girl......he was ignored and my neighbour never offered to lift him over the high wall.

When we put the house up for sale she said about keeping in touch,I bet she thought I was rude when I said no I dont think so.

This is possibly outing but I'm of an age where I really do not care:

Both of mine were during school with the same 'friend'. Non uniform day and we were talking about what to wear. I described a jumper I was going to wear and my 'friend' said she had the same one. We agreed I would wear it and she'd wear something else. Turn up to school, the next day and we are both wearing it but I am the one who is made fun of for copying her . Still rankles me 20-odd years later

Second was another friend told me I had the same top as other 'friend' and not to let her see me wear it as she would get upset. I purposely wore it into the store she was working in when she was on shift just because I wanted to . She saw me, looked horrified and asked me where I got the top from. I dismissively said 'XX store' - (the same place as you dumbass in my head)

It occurred to me years later, that the non-school clothes we all bought generally came from the few stores in our not very big town (New look, DP etc) and we were all bound to end up buying the same mass produced things.

When I was a kid, my parents thought it was too expensive to heat up enough water for my younger sister and I to have separate baths. She had her bath first, and then I had her used water. Mum and dad did the same - she had first go, and dad had the secondhand water.

I didn't mind too much when we were younger, because I had a later bedtime than my sister, which I felt balanced out the fact that I never got the clean, hot bathwater, and I had to do all the tidying up afterwards - cleaning out the bath, hanging up the towels and the bath mat etc. But when we both became teenagers, and had the same bedtime, I thought it was not fair any more. We only had baths twice a week (another sore point - mum refused to buy me antiperspirant so infrequent baths, and no antiperspirant means I know I honked at school), so I asked my mum if my sister and I could take turns to go first in the bath - and my mum refused!!

Looking back, I wonder whether she didn't want to have to admit it wasn't fair that I never got the clean bathwater, because then she'd have to admit that it wasn't fair that dad never got it either, and she didn't want to give up her clean bathwater. Or it could just have been that she favoured my sister (always has, always will).

For my 18th birthday, I got a £21 clock radio. For her 18th, dsis got a £250 oboe.

My mum carried on doing stockings for us even when we were teenagers - which was nice. But one year, the main present in my stocking was a pair of knitting needles and enough wool to knit my dad a scarf. That's right - my present was actually for someone else! Very unusually for me, I stood up for myself and said I didn't think this was fair (I was afraid of mum, and generally didn't dare talk back to her) - and she said I could have the money if I wanted - but it was SOOO sad because she knew dad would LOVE having a scarf I had knitted for him, and she thought I would WANT to make him happy! Basically she guilt tripped me into saying the present was fine.

Very outing if any of my family are hiding on mn! Years ago (getting on for 40), it was Christmas and my mum bought me a small red electric organ, almost portable, can't remember what dsis had got. Anyway on boxing day I had been relegated to upstairs with my organ and dsis wanted a go, so I said only if I can have a go with x. She wouldn't let me and kept on and on and I kept saying no. Mum got seriously pissed off and said if I didn't let her have a go she would smash it with a hammer. I argued my point, but no she smashed it into a billion pieces with the fucking hammer and my dsis sat playing with her new toy all smug. Bitch

My ex sil (bro in law quite sensibly dumped her ass) and DH’s cousin let their toddlers sit next to each other at our wedding and they cried/fought/chatted the whole way through the service.

I’m still mad that bro in law split up with her before they got married. I was planning to drop a load of hymn books in the most important bit of their service.

Whilst pregnant and after already eating two, a lady at work who was trying to slim told me how many calories were in a mince pie. Completely ruined mince pie eating for me.

@cadburyegg: My MIL’s reaction to when I had a miscarriage. - this is far from petty. The situation alone is heartbreaking enough to face, without some idiot compounding your grief with their ridiculous, self-absorbed behaviour. I'm not surprised it still smarts: I think this might very well fall into the category of unforgiveable.

I'm very sorry that happened to you

@olbndansmummy - that was such a cruel thing your mum did - I don’t blame you for still being upset!!