Petty things you still can't forgive people for

[Milkbath]

I have two

First one is my SIL (husband's sister)
She means well, but we're very different people, and she can be brash and overbearing. We're constantly working on maintaining boundaries for her, as otherwise she'd stamp all over them.

When I had my baby, she arrived unannounced a few days after we came home. This coincided with the community midwife visiting, and instead of making her excuses and leaving, SIL sat there and listened as the midwife asked me all the usual questions, some of which were extremely personal. Meanwhile SIL's toddler DC was trashing the house. In hindsight I wish I'd said something, but I was so weak and exhausted. The midwife should have as well, she kept glancing over at sil with that sort of expectant "time to fuck off now" look but sil has the hide of a rhino. Midwife was younger than I was at the time and I think she was a bit intimidated too. Even sometimes now I think back to it and it infuriates me!

I've just remembered another one.

DH and I obviously arrived at our wedding venue in the wedding car. Plans made the next day for a casual BBQ at my parents' house with 20ish friends and close family (big wedding due to massive family). DH and I came into the reception of the hotel at check out time and fortunately 2 of his friends (with cars) were there to give us a lift to our BBQ (squashed 1 each in the 2 tiny cars of now 5 adults) My parents, siblings, his parents, the rest of our friends not one of them had thought of offering us a lift. My DM was apologetic but really it's symptomatic of how much I think about other people and no one thinks about me.

"I actually don’t think that your first example is petty at all - I think that’s appalling behaviour by your SIL!" Agreed

"she dropped me after 20 years of friendship because of something ( not towards her) immoral i did. A real friend wouldn't do that" VERY much depends what you did imo.

Didn't go back to a shop to report they'd given you a small amount of too much change - not a problem these things happen no biggie.

Being a mistress and wrecking a home, directly and deliberately harming a person or animal - bye!

"My bil announced the birth of my first child on Facebook (DH messaged him while I was recovering) before I had chance to tell my family." I wouldn't consider that petty either, that's a shitty thing to do I don't blame you for being pissed off at that! Same to dontfollowmeimlosttoo or anyone else with similar experiences.

"It was a decade ago" yabu for using that phrase to describe 2009 and making me feel really fucking old! 10 years ago was the 90's surely???

Thingintheattic - also NOT petty APPALLING behaviour by your brother!

Iceicecoffee - also not petty, thunder stealing is NEVER petty.

Housingwoes - also not petty

Keepfuckingoff - definitely NOT petty

24hour - I'm so sorry that happened to you and your son and family, we've had a similar experience it's shit! Twistinmymelon - oh ffs, A that's not what she did B has the teachers behaviour - INCLUDING physically assaulting a disabled kid completely escaped you?! Give me strength!!

Notso - that is not only not petty that's grounds for divorce in Scotland surely?! 😂

"His sycophants laughed a lot." Crap at being sycophants then! 😂

"She refused to accept my spelling of my own name and insisted it could not possibly be spelled like that." You only have one incident like that? I had that happen pretty much throughout my school career! I have a scots spelled and pronounced name but which can look as if it's a more commonly used (in uk) French/English name - CONSTANTLY had teachers trying to tell me I had spelled/pronounced MY OWN NAME wrong! I think I know MY OWN BLOODY NAME THANKS! One even tried to correct my mothers pronunciation of it at a parents evening - bad idea!

Wolfff I had a teacher in primary who treated myself and certain others appallingly. Purely for snobbery reasons, later in life I ended up babysitting a child who was also being bullied (she would also encourage her "favourites" to bully the "scapegoat" kids) by this utter cow! I said to his parents to complain - and to definitely believe him as I knew exactly what she was like! This sparked something of a domino effect - end result she was sacked. No less than she deserved and should have happened 20 years earlier.

Mine:
Sky for keeping "stealing" good tv shows JUST as I'm starting to get into them 😡 greys anatomy, scandal, the Americans among others. Tried to catch up on scandal recently on prime but it's now disappeared from there too!

Bro for denying me a cheese in trivial pursuit because I answered "cat Stevens" but the answer on the card was sodding "yusuf islam" it's the SAME PERSON! 😡

STILL hold a grudge against the English geography teacher I had in first year of high school who put me in detention for CORRECTLY stating that London is NOT the capital of the U.K.! But that the 4 countries comprising the union each have their OWN capital cities! My scots parents and the WELSH headteacher agreed with me but by that point I'd had to do the detention! I was a very well behaved pupil who NEVER got detentions!

Boobahs - friendsreunited and Facebook has been somewhat fascinating for this. Several of the lads I went to school with who were HORRIBLE while I was at school - no shame in contacting me as an adult with sometimes blatant attempts to get in my pants! Taken great delight in telling them to get tae fuck! 😂 sadly the gorgeous one most of us had a crush on isn't one of them, he's now married - but has also seriously deteriorated, I don't know if just lack of effort or if he has health issues but it's very disappointing.

You're right webuiltthisbuffetonsausage, definite typo. Thanks for picking up on that and not the bones of the comment!

Tomboy

I've had the name thing twice now , one even insisted that it doesn't sound like there's the extra letter in there . Also my name starts with an I (i) and people change it to L... And then tell me off for capitalising my own name!

Oh, and people who are convinced I am Irish, occasionally Welsh and refuse to accept that no- I haven't lived there, no- my parents aren't from there either, yes, I'm bloody sure!

My sister for not ringing me to inform me that the hospice had rung her to tell her that if family wanted to see mum before she died they'd better go immediately. I'd seen my mum the day before and had spoken to her on the phone that afternoon and she had begged me not to go that night, said she was tired because she'd had my sister earlier that day and needed to rest. I was due to see her again the following day. Going up to bed I had an uneasy feeling and decided suddenly to phone the hospice staff just to check mum was ok and had had a good rest. The woman who answered the phone said "hello Mrs (sister's name) have you changed your mind about coming?" Apparently they'd rung her some two hours earlier and she'd decided, as she'd had a sleeping pill because all the trauma of mum's illness was making it impossible for her to sleep apparently, she wasn't going to turn out, but she neither rang me nor asked the hospice to ring me. If I hadn't had that premonition I wouldn't have been with mum when she died and, had I been informed of her condition immediately my sister knew, I might have made to her bedside before she slipped into a coma. I'll never know if she knew I was there, holding her hand until the end and I'll never, ever, forgive my sister for it. I haven't seen her since the funeral and I have no wish to ever clap eyes on her again. Thank you Mumsnet, that was cathartic.

My mum was en route to visit for the weekend. She didn’t know I had just found out I was of with a very unexpected pg (we had a small baby and bf etc - we were struggling to figure out what we were going to do, and didn’t want anyone else to know).
On the Saturday night/early Sunday morning I started to bleed, so we had to tell my mum as we needed to go to the hospital. So I had an early missed MC., and they kept me in and did what was required.
Got home, all over the place to find her bags were ready in the hall and she took off immediately so that she wouldn’t miss her hobby that evening.
She apologised, years later

Oh lord ImSuch
That’s so hard x

To the people I thought were my closest friends didn't bother with me during a very high risk and difficult pregnancy. I haven't seen or heard from them since. No congratulations text or card. Baby is now 5 months old.

My dad for snapping at me when, aged 13, I told my aunt that my favourite band had split up. He said "Oh for god's sake, stop going on about some boring pop group", I was utterly crushed.

He's still a bad tempered sod.

There are a few, but there is one that sticks out more than most. When I was in year 4 I had a complete cun* of a Teacher ( Miss Welsh, Blenheim primary school, hope you're reading this, bitch! ) I have hearing problems and she used to purposely ask me questions from across the class room knowing full well that I couldn't hear what she was saying. Everyone would laugh at me and she would then bellow in my face 'to make sure I was listening that time'
It took me a while to tell my mum when I did she went absolutely berserk. This teacher refused to believe I had hearing problems despite having serveral operations! I got an apology and she was super nice after my mother lost the plot but I've never forgiven her.

My younger brother used to steal my records to practise scratching with them, including my human league dare album picture disc. 30 years ago, but still rankles when the songs are played 😠 no wonder the shit is so good at bloody pop master!!

I was signed of for about two weeks when pregnant with DC2 early on. Due to this had to obviously let work know earlier then I would have liked about the baby - but normally the cover manager ( work in a school) is great at not discussing why people are off as it is private medical info. She told everyone I was pregnant including students. Me and the baby were fine in the end but it still pisses me off that she took away the joy of getting to tell people myself.

Oh and another baby one. It took a long time to get pregnant with DC1. When they were born MIL proudly explained how she'd bought a multi picture frame to fill with pics of DC and add to her wall of family pictures - this was lovely. In the same breath she also explained how she'd bought two so she'd have one that would match for the next DC I have. This hurt as she knew everything we'd gone through to get DC1.

She had to wait another 5 years to use the second frame which she had hung, empty, next to the first so every time we visited there was a visual reminder that i wasn't fulfilling my duty of child bearing.

The head teacher who told me that she believed my autistic child was actually "manipulative and aggressive, not autistic". He'd become non verbal and completely retreated into himself since being in her "care". There's load more about that particular person but that's the thing I always remember. We ended up home educating because of her. She had no clue about autism and how it presents and no business having a say in the lives of small children who have it.

My ex boss who told me the business hadn’t made much profit so couldn’t give me pay rise or bonus following top rating and 280 hours of unpaid overtime then as I’m at the door leaving and gutted calls me back to show me a picture of the e type jag he’d just ordered grrrrrrrr

Carol that's not petty!

@Blueoasis what a pleb you are.

Mine is so much pettier than many of these, but nevertheless...

In junior school (so around 27 years ago…) we had weekly spelling tests, and one week the teacher put the answers on the board and we had to mark each other's tests, instead of the teacher marking them.

The girl I swapped with gave me 9/10, because she apparently thought I'd written ayalanche instead of avalanche. Why would I have used a y, that part of the word is obvious! Cowbag.

When I was in Year 7 of the Comp, was very shy. I was eating my Pizza lunch time and a boy opposite said "bloody hell, you nearly swallowed that whole"
Knocked my confidence with eating in front of people, even until now!

& in primary; was having a Number 2 and a girl stood on the toilet in the next cubicle and looked over at me and laughed. I just remember looking up & being horrified.
Never been able to Go any other place than my Home ever since!

@Somuchcheating how? I'm not the moron that thinks they shouldn't see spoilers to films on the Internet 3 months after the film comes out. Plus with it being one of the biggest films of the decade, if it actually meant something to you, you would have seen it. Not my fault other people are slow.

My partner's sister invited herself to my home 3 days after the funeral of my beloved mother, who died suddenly in her mid-50s. I'd been with my now DH 4 years at that point. My SiL fully claimed the entirety of his time and attention during that visit, as she was upset because her BF had left her. I was too stunned, stupefied and shocked at my sudden loss to notice this much at the time. But the situation was crowned when she started crying into the phone to her mother: 'oh mum, everything in my life is SO TERRIBLE (no one had died; not for her at least) and what would I doooooo if I didn't have my mother to talk to?'

I'd buried mine three days ago.

I sat there stunned, staring into space. Then I retreated into my bedroom and didn't come out until she'd gone. In the subsequent years I've been civil when I've had to be, but beyond this have no time for her.

I've never interfered in DH's relationship with her, but as far as I am concerned, I consciously decided that I don't want people like this in my life. We all have our failings. And one of mine is that I've never been able to look past this episode.

NB and yes, I did have a 'DH problem'. Took me a long time to forgive him, too!

I popped into a meeting of company directors to tell them something; and said they needed to ask me any more questions about it now, as as I was popping to the shop.

One of them asked me to pick him up some lunch (one of the ££fancy packs of sushi) and he'd return the favour another day.

He never has done. It burns because I know he will have long forgotten it and i can't "call it in" now without looking extremely weird.