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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Petty things you still can't forgive people for

503 replies

Milkbath · 26/07/2019 13:22

I have two

First one is my SIL (husband's sister)
She means well, but we're very different people, and she can be brash and overbearing. We're constantly working on maintaining boundaries for her, as otherwise she'd stamp all over them.

When I had my baby, she arrived unannounced a few days after we came home. This coincided with the community midwife visiting, and instead of making her excuses and leaving, SIL sat there and listened as the midwife asked me all the usual questions, some of which were extremely personal. Meanwhile SIL's toddler DC was trashing the house. In hindsight I wish I'd said something, but I was so weak and exhausted. The midwife should have as well, she kept glancing over at sil with that sort of expectant "time to fuck off now" look but sil has the hide of a rhino. Midwife was younger than I was at the time and I think she was a bit intimidated too. Even sometimes now I think back to it and it infuriates me!

OP posts:
Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 27/07/2019 23:42

@LadyRannaldini
Fil....Is that you?!🤐🤐🤐

AppleHEAD · 27/07/2019 23:43

I introduced my best friend to my new group of friends when I started in another six form to her. Included her in everything and wanted her not to ever feel left out. She was working in a horrible place and having a crap time. There was a boy who was a friend and I had a massive crush on and she knew.
But that didn’t stop her pretty much dumping me as a friend and going out with him.
I was 17 and devastated. We’d been friends since we were tiny.
31 years later I still don’t forgive her and I still judge women or men who do this kind of thing.
Not sure if it’s petty but it’s a very kind held grudge.

Freespirit24 · 27/07/2019 23:48

@Milkbath

I really do not have the time or energy to let other people bother me so much in the ways you post about. Yeah sure, there is always a time when someone will really get under your skin but once it is passed, it is the past for me and I forgive and move on.

I guess we are just different that way. Yeah sure your SIL was inappropriate but she did not kill anyone, move on and show kindness to others to infuriate you as to when you forgive you are only freeing yourself from the energy you wasted to think these thoughts and write this post.

keffie12 · 28/07/2019 00:10

I am the same as you @Freespirit24. I held onto alot of anger and resentments for many years due to the story of my life. When I finally got into intense therapy and other various specialised recovery work I realised that resentments and anger only hurt me.

It's like buying poison, drinking it and expecting the other person to die. I have techniques today to let go of petty or otherwise annoyances and resentments.

I have also learnt that forgiveness isn't what I thought it once was. Forgiveness is simply letting it go, learning from it and ensuring safe healthy boundaries are in place so it doesn't happen again. Far easier to write than do, I admit

randomchap · 28/07/2019 00:25

One of my cousins told my dw that her depression was "all in her head", I guess it's technically correct but the minimising of her issues made me absolutely furious. I've not spoken to the cousin since.

FaveNumberIs2 · 28/07/2019 00:42

Where do I start?

Mother: on telling her that I was advised to lose two stone in weight before I could begin IVF treatment, her reply was "well you'll never be a mother then"

On failing my first driving test aged 17, her answer was "all that money we wasted."

The day I moved in with my boyfriend who later became my husband, she gave him a "with sympathy" card.

The one time she had my (adopted) children overnight, she brought them home early the next day, stood them on the doorstep and when I opened the door she pointed at my daughter and told me "her hair stinks" (and she was a hairdresser)

While trying to get my children to come out from under her dining table as it was time to go home, she told them "don't listen to your mother, she's an idiot,"

At 16 she told me I was too thick for college and uni.

At my grandfather's funeral the crematorium usher shoved me into the second row, mother turned to me and hissed "you should be on this row". As it was a funeral I just shrugged my shoulders and kept quiet.

She wore slippers to my wedding reception and complained when guests turned up throughout the evening.

She told me who to invite to my wedding.

A guest who couldn't make the wedding gave her money to pass on to me, but instead, she spent it on what she thought I wanted (dining table seat cushions). When I explained that I was looking at new sofa cushions, she threw the seat cushions at my face and told me I was an ungrateful cow and could take them back to the shop and exchange them myself.

Twelve years ago, I went completely NC

Best thing I ever did. Yes, I miss having a mother figure and this past few years I've really, REALLY needed one, but not her. I've come this far without her, I'll carry on without her.

MmeBoulaye · 28/07/2019 00:54

My son had the lead in the school Nativity at primary school about 4 years ago. My son was comical (it was a comedy non-traditional Nativity) and knew his lines. At the dress rehearsal all went well, all kids pretty much on cue. On the actual day, a woman who I was close friends with back then’s daughter screwed up her lines by repeating several from a previous scene and as the lines that should have been said were the cue for my son to then speak, there was a long pause as my son patiently waited and gave her a little prompt. But to all the watching parents it looked as if it was my son who’d faltered and didn’t know his lines. Other child all dramatic and teary about it afterwards, throwing a wobbler, and this other mum just allowed everyone to think it was my son who’d forgotten. Not narked at the child, and my son didn’t bat an eyelid over it, but this was a typical trait of the mum always covering up stuff and never being truthful about things. I did wisen up as this mum was always jealous of other children’s/people’s successes I realised as time went on. Don’t bother with her at all these days.

QuestionableMouse · 28/07/2019 01:17

@TwistinMyMelon ah but my area code is only 4 numbers.

springydaff · 28/07/2019 01:26

some free-spirited types can be pretty irritating I'm finding or was that a send-up?

The following, though agreeing with said smug free spirited types, was of a humble variety, through learned experience. Much more palatable.

PotteryLottery · 28/07/2019 04:06

I arranged to meet a friend for a pre-show meal. She then arranged to meet some old school friends before that, and their meet overran, so I ate alone.

On the bright side, I have no problem eating alone now.

Popfan · 28/07/2019 07:41

When I was about 7 I was in a gymnastics competition. I did a pretty good vault and I was pleased. The girl after me couldn't do it and practically climbed on rather than jumping over. The organisers got our marks muddled up and wouldn't change them even after they were told about it. Still cross about that now!

HeffaLump1 · 28/07/2019 08:54

Ds school for cutting the drama option in his year and the year after. (DS has various problems that drama helps with - social anxiety being one) I had a meeting with the head, tried to say how about bringing a teacher in from outside, giving parents the option to pay etc. Wrote to the governor's about it. No, they had no option but to cut it. Then head was sacked. Now 2 years later they have a new head and reinstated it [anger] too late for DS (year 10)

percheron67 · 28/07/2019 09:48

A boyfriend who (years ago) dumped me by snail mail. Coward.

Whatjusthappenedthere · 28/07/2019 10:08

Bil posted pictures of my daughter in her prom dress on our family group chat site. He had taken them from her insta gram account. I had an agreement with DD not to look at any pictures until she and I were together. I wasn’t able to see her on the actual day. I still want to say something but I know I will sound petty. 😡

sashh · 28/07/2019 10:12

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet

Me too. When I was 17 my mum forgot to get me ay Xmas presents, IK think it's quite funny and typical of her. I mentioned it once at uni and one classmate (another mature student) was so upset she cried.

When I was a kid I loved to do jigsaws, and I thought it was a great achievement to do one on my own. Eve if it took a few days.

When I went to bed my mum would put a couple of pieces in and then laugh the following day when I was upset.

Thistimetomorrow · 28/07/2019 10:20

@AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson a belated 🥇🏆 for your great achievements.

wichitalinemanswoman · 28/07/2019 10:45

My friend telling me she was busy until June. This was January.

Xxalisoncxx · 28/07/2019 11:05

Bloke I’ve seen many times, I’m totally in love with him, told me he loves me too. All he does is mess with my head, I’ve asked him not to contact me, as it’s cruel to keep treating me like this. All he clearly wants is to use me for sex. ( I have blocked, bounces back with a new email) I can’t forgive how bloody cruel he’s been to me.

tequilasunrises · 28/07/2019 11:24

10 Years ago. Was in New Look with a friend and found the most perfect ankle boots that I fell in love with but they didn’t have them in my size Sad

Friend was with me when I asked the store assistent and she went out the back to check (to no avail). I was disappointed, but my disappointment turned to rage when friend decided she would buy them as they had her size. Then wore them out that night and got loads of compliments. Grrrrr. She wouldn’t have even noticed them if I hadn’t!

CathyorClaire · 28/07/2019 11:29

A guy who wouldn't dance with me at a party when I plucked up courage and asked Angry. Happily he's afflicted with rather pointy ears and has been known as 'Spock' by my circle ever since.

Ian Lavender who used to play Pike in Dads Army never wrote back to me when I asked for his autograph as a child. Haven't watched anything with him in it since.

ElizaPancakes · 28/07/2019 13:31

@Blueoasis yeah fuck off. If that’s your version of ‘funny’ I pity anyone you have a proper conversation with.

ElizaPancakes · 28/07/2019 13:40

@TheBrilloPad it’s a petty grudge. I’m not torn up inside about it, just y’know, there are ways to be a tiny bit considerate and not post the ending which some people might not have seen? Maybe I haven’t seen it because I promised a family member we’d take the children as a day out because they’re a big fan, but they’ve been in hospital? Maybe I’ve been waiting for a child to be old enough? Maybe I just haven’t had time? Who cares what the reason is really.

Doesn’t take much to not post a spoiler, for example, the final sentence only of @Blueoasis post?!

Anyway whatever. Not a big deal. I’m not going to go and tell anyone else because it’s sooooo funnnnnnny.

Blueoasis · 28/07/2019 13:44

@ElizaPancakes Well you're gonna have to wait for the dvd now because apparently 3 months wasn't enough time for you. Next time, we will tell everyone in the world to wait until you've seen it to obey your demands for no spoilers until you specifically have seen it. Get over yourself love.

D2R2 · 28/07/2019 13:54

My Mum.

She ruined my graduation day. We had to stay overnight as it was in a city quite a way from where we lived. After the ceremony we went to this restaurant that we had been to the evening before but that evening unbeknownst to us they switched from the usual menu to a Saturday one. Mum was so annoyed she had a go at the waitress and sulked for the rest of the evening. It out such a dampner on what should have been a special day. There was plenty of choice on this other menu, she was just being awkward. I have resolved I will never do anything to spoil my daughter's graduation.

Mymycherrypie · 28/07/2019 13:55

Avengers was on every 15 minutes for a month in our cinema. 8 screens were showing it. There was ample opportunity!

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