Sex or no sex

[WhateverName2]

Am i the only person in the world who is slowly dying in this fucking heat? We havent had sex in 9 - nine - days and have children free oppertunity today. But it is so hot!!! I know my dh is looking forward to kids free night- but it is so hot! I cant be bothered...

@CrackOn . And agreed, obviously.

It is perfectly fine for a married couple to expect sex from each other

It's also fine for a married couple to not expect sex from each other.

crackon You never have a bad day at work and end up grouchy at home? I'm not suggesting three year old style tantrums, just regular human grumpiness or bad mood. Or are adults not allowed bad moods?

floribunda18 Of course! If a couple are happy with their frequency of sex (even if that is only twice a year, or indeed, never, then they are happy, which is great. My point is simply that it is not unreasonable or abusive to expect your spouse to work with you and compromise on this.

You never have a bad day at work and end up grouchy at home?

Sometimes. But I fully accept that it's not 'fine' to do so, apologise when it happens and certainly don't expect my partner to pander to me on those occasions.

purplereindeer exactly. Give and take is Important in a relationship - actually pretty essential. I was one of those mentioned in one of your posts - My ex never wanted sex and I fully admit to trying everything - but then he had his own issues, one of which was control, which is why he’s my ex thankfully 😀. Wondering now if IWBU and should have just lived sex free life forever without getting grumpy 🤔

We all have our own stories. The OP started, I still believe, a light hearted thread. Unfortunately due to her not posting (probably due to having sex, or perhaps just hanging out with her DH) these threads do unfortunately descend to as TwistyTop said.

@purplereindeer...finally, someone who talks sense about a situation like this.

It’s only ‘sense’ if you think it’s ok to hassle unwilling people into sex they don’t want, under the threat of aggression/sulking.

@Littlejets

Really ?

Actually, maybe so considering purple seemed to backpedal almost entirely on her OP.

@RLOU30

Absolutely, a little grump after being turned down doesn't always mean you're partner is abusive. Yes, there are a LOT of nasty, EA men out there but not all of them are and I don't believe that a little brat strop has to always point to abuse. Even I can get a little grumpy if sex is turned down...it can be taken a little personally sometimes even though it's not personal.

But then my outlook on sex is a very different to a lot of MNers.

I don’t see any back pedalling in purple’s post...rather agreement that sex is not a right and clarification on this. Rights are not the same as expectations

Sometimes people will agree to have sex because the partner asks, but they weren't really in the mood; the occasional session of 'Oh well, why not?' sex isn't a sign of coercion or selfishness. Couples aren't always magically both horny at the same time; usually one makes the suggestion and the other thinks either 'Mm, yes, that would be nice' or 'Urgh, not now'... or, sometimes, 'Hmm, not really bothered, but I like you and it would be nice to please you'.
But that only happens in relationships where both partners like each other and are generally kind to each other.

I was trying to think what I wanted to say and how to articulate it but ReanimatedSGB said it much better.

DH and I have sex maybe twice a week. Occasionally when we have sex, I haven’t been totally in the mood to begin with, I do quickly change my mind though because it’s fun and I love him. From the Ops first post this is what I thought she was getting at.

I don’t think she gave any indication that she was in any kind of an abusive relationship.

Have sympathy for those of us who are TTC and ovulating in this heat! After a particularly sweaty and exhausting evening last night I told DH that anyone who manages to conceive this week deserves a bloody medal (or at least a BFP...)

I think it's absolutely ok for a partner to want sex and express a bit of disappointment if it doesn't happen - as long as that is the absolute end of it! Like - 'oh that's a shame, oh well' and respect your decision. No nagging or sulking.

In this heat i'd just talk incessantly about how sweaty and smelly I am and hope it's sufficiently repulsive.

In this heat i'd just talk incessantly about how sweaty and smelly I am and hope it's sufficiently repulsive.

Dunno re that its basicaly the opposite; Rank stinks attract!

Embrace the sweaty aftermath - honestly, it's worth it (and that's what showers were invented for!)