Sex or no sex

[WhateverName2]

Am i the only person in the world who is slowly dying in this fucking heat? We havent had sex in 9 - nine - days and have children free oppertunity today. But it is so hot!!! I know my dh is looking forward to kids free night- but it is so hot! I cant be bothered...

What about a quickie in a cool shower.

Having sex... if you don't want to? A dangerous road to go down in my opinion. I couldn't disagree with purple more.

9 days?? God I'm only usually starting to give in after 9 weeks...

So funny, my DP and I were saying this tonight, we both want it but it's just too damn hot.

I said to DH 'wanna watch tv or go straight to the sex?'. He laughed and said 'no way, it's too hot, don't touch me!' Then we checked the weather and decided to wait until tomorrow.

Sex is meant to be fun, not a chore that you're guilted in to. If he's that desperate he can sort himself out. 9 days is nothing. Real men don't bully their partners in to bed.

Seriously? Never have sex to keep the peace. You’re not some sort of servicing receptacle.

Too hot.

Wait til menopause hits.

People need to RTFT

The OP doesn’t need tips on how to have sex, she needs help on how to manage pressure to have sex when she doesn’t want to.

And if i say no, it will Change his mood.. i might as well just do it - it is only 10 minuts

wtf? This - and some of your other comments - make slightly uncomfortable reading.

I agree with a pp upthread, no grinning emoji here.

Rumpole... say NO.

As Purple said, there is nothing wrong with being disappointed when you don’t get what you want. We’ve all been there? I’ve been disappointed when I have wanted to have sex and DH didn’t feel like it. I didn’t make him feel bad or sulk, but I was still disappointed.

I’ve also had sex when I didn’t really feel like it. I don’t think I’ve ever turned DH down actually, in 13 years. I think if every couple only have sex when both want it equally then there’s not going to much sex going on!

It’s absolutely fine to want to do something for your partner once in a while, even if you aren’t all that keen. When it comes to sex, it gets better as it progresses anyway, usually.

I’m beginning to wonder if most women on MN are all wearing chastity belts under sewn up nightgowns.

I’m beginning to wonder if most women on MN are all wearing chastity belts under sewn up nightgowns.

Course you are

Such a cool wife you.

What is it lately with men who just must have sex when they want or they get in a mood over it-grow the fuck up

I’m beginning to wonder if most women on MN are all wearing chastity belts under sewn up nightgowns

What a twattish, reductive remark.

Are you really struggling to understand that many women don't have sex simply to please their partner, if they don't feel like doing so?

I’ve also had sex when I didn’t really feel like it. I don’t think I’ve ever turned DH down actually, in 13 years.

I feel instinctively quite sorry for anyone in a relationship like this, to be honest.

To hold it up as a shining beacon of aspiration is somewhat odd.

I’m beginning to wonder if most women on MN are all wearing chastity belts under sewn up nightgowns

I wouldn't waste much time wondering about this tbh. If I were you, I would be wondering why in 13 years I've never felt secure enough to turn down my DH's advances. To make him happy indeed.
Sorry for you. Truly.

So if the dh is fine to be disappointed about no sex, isn't the OP allowed to be disappointed at an evening spent reading her book (or whatever)? Do only men get to show disappointment? Diddums.

Had sex last night and this morning, but going to give it a miss tonight - it's too hot!

Sex is not a NEED. No one EVER died from a lack of sex. Nor is it a right. OP's DH does not have different "needs", as she puts it, he has different "wants" . And that can be endured quite safely and comfortably I believe.
He'll just have to get over it. Oh well.

If Brandon flowers was naked in front me begging for it I would say no maybe!!

Doggy style quickie? Minimal contact of the "hot" spots. Then cold shower afterwards.

Ah ok, have RTFT now. Didn't realise it had descended into the classic "should you have sex if you aren't really in the mood" thread.

I'm out.

Fair enough, I'll agree that sex isn't a right. However, if one partner in a marriage makes a unilateral decision to hugely limit (I'm thinking of the people who have sex every few months) or deny sex completely, they really shouldn't be surprised if they end up single.

One of the fundamentals of marriage is monogamy, not celibacy! If you are expecting your spouse to be monogamous, the flip side is that they can expect sex.

I'm sometimes disappointed when my DP isn't up for sex, I'll be grumpy if it has been longer than a week. That doesn't make me an awful human being, it makes me a flawed one, just like everyone else. It is fine for me to be unhappy when my relationship isn't meeting what is, for me, one of the main reasons for being in a relationship. I don't get to pressure him, be rude, or nasty, nope, but I am allowed to be unhappy about it!

Nowhere in her post does OP suggest that she is being pressured into sex by an abusive DH.

Didn't realise it had descended into the classic "should you have sex if you aren't really in the mood" thread

Erm...see you then.

It is also fine to be grumpy when you don't get what you want.

Yeah, if you're three.