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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex or no sex

141 replies

WhateverName2 · 25/07/2019 19:26

Am i the only person in the world who is slowly dying in this fucking heat? We havent had sex in 9 - nine - days and have children free oppertunity today. But it is so hot!!! I know my dh is looking forward to kids free night- but it is so hot! I cant be bothered...

OP posts:
thetimekeeper · 25/07/2019 21:25

Could also mean:

  1. he will be angry you said no and will sulk to punish you
  2. he feels entitled to sex on demand and will sulk to coerce you
  3. he feels entitled to sex on demand and will get angry to intimidate you
  4. he considers you his property to use as and when he wishes, and will use emotional manipulation and intimidation to make that happen
  5. he couldn't care less about your feelings, only his own
  6. he has a mental disorder involving emotional dysregulation
  7. he has the emotional maturity of a gnat and can't cope with not getting his own way
  8. he is normally decent and even mannered, but can't control his emotions during heatwaves

It could mean loads of things without knowing more context, but let's not pretend there are only two simple explanations both revolving around "disappointment".

WhiteDust · 25/07/2019 21:28

but let's not pretend there are only two simple explanations both revolving around "disappointment".

Let's not.

WhiteDust · 25/07/2019 21:38

OP: 'But he will be disappointed- possible being huuuuuuuurrrrrt ' -

Read back and OP has already told us about his 'disappointment'.
Hence my comment
She may come back and tell us that he is an abusive arsehole or she may not who knows.

purplereindeer · 25/07/2019 21:42

Get a grip. It is perfectly fine for a married couple to expect sex from each other. It is also fine to be disappointed or grumpy when you don't get what you want. It is also fine to have sex to make your other half feel good, even if you aren't super duper into the idea of it.

Also, we just had sex. Fan pointed directly at nether regions, iced drinks afterwards. Grin

WhiteDust · 25/07/2019 21:45

What purple said.

MashedSpud · 25/07/2019 21:46

It's cooler in the mornings.

LellyMcKelly · 25/07/2019 22:05

Nothing better than a fan fanning your fanjo. Mine looked like Beyoncé this morning.

KnitterOfSocks · 25/07/2019 22:11

There is no human touching in this house. I can't stand it. We are even in separate beds so I can starfish and attempt to stay cool

MrsJBaptiste · 25/07/2019 22:13

^ purplereindeer 👏

Probably one of the most sensible comments I've seen on here in a while.

RLOU30 · 25/07/2019 22:13

Just wank him off

This is actually quite sad. Why does OP need to wank him off to save her having sex?! Is this seen as the easy option? Fuck that he can do it.

TokyoSushi · 25/07/2019 22:20

Too bloody hot, however it's supposed to be much cooler tomorrow and it's quite nice in our bedroom in the mornings after the fan has been on all night Wink

OliviaBenson · 25/07/2019 22:29

Not even if Colin Firth himself begged for it.

I probably would in that scenario but I'd be worried my boobs didn't look as perky in the heat Blush

angell84 · 25/07/2019 22:37

I had one boyfriend like that many years ago. He never physicall pinned me down and made me have sex.
But he would not take no for an answer. If I said no - he would whinge and whine and moan and make me feel bad, that being bis girlfriend I should be having sex with him. He came out with the gem of "I thought being in a relationship meant that I would have it on tap". Being young and not well able to stand up for myself, sometimes I would give in when I really did not want to have sex. I remember one time my tummy really hurt and I told him this and that this was why I did not want to. He still insisted. This is many years ago. I have to say years later - I still feel like I was raped and it has left a mental scar. If someone insisted on having sex now I damn well would stand up for myself. Just because he wants it does not mean you have to have it. Say no if you so not want it

angell84 · 25/07/2019 22:39

@purplereindeer there is a difference in someone feeling sulky when they do not get sex, and in someone whokeeps insisting and demanding on having sex when their ortner has said no. I would actually call that rape. What kind of man is he OP?

angell84 · 25/07/2019 22:41

I remember having sex with my boyfriend at the time, I had given in. After the sex he was really happy, and I remember lying there thinking "I feel like I have been raped". That is when you know something is really wrong. No one is owed sex when you do not want it

Skrowten · 25/07/2019 22:48

9 days. Oh please, that's nothing

over50andfab · 25/07/2019 22:57

I’m with purplereindeer on this one too. Plus I did get from the OP’s posts that she was being lighthearted about this, given her use of the 🤣emoji.

So many assumptions on here by other posters (and sorry for those who’ve had bad experiences) ...but now rape is being mentioned Confused The OP hasn’t mentioned anything about her DH forcing himself on her or being demanding or insisting.

GinDaddy · 25/07/2019 22:58

This whole thread is ghastly. OP I don’t think it’s the heat that’s your issue here... I think when people say “the most powerful sex organ isn’t below, its between your ears”, they need to read this thread, and he number of people joking about not wanting sex, or OP suggesting to grin and bear it..some of this takes the approach that sex is something men demand, and women endure, and we’d all actually rather have a glass, no bottle, of wine instead.

I apologise if this sounds overly critical, I respect the OP coming on here. I’m just mildly disturbed by some of the “just do it” posts, and also the general sense of gallows humour/dismissive stuff around sexual communication and desire.

RLOU30 · 25/07/2019 22:58

it is also fine to be disappointed or grumpy

After 9 days? You actually think the fact OP is worried about her partners mood when she says she don't feel like having sex after 9 days is okay? Grumpy - fuck me

And people have said that's the most sensible comment they have read on Mumsnet Confused fooking hell.

Yappy12 · 25/07/2019 22:59

9 days? Try 9 years.

Bellasblankexpression · 25/07/2019 23:00

Ha just over three months here but I’m pregnant and sick and headachey and generally a too hot human slug!

MyFlabberIsAghast · 25/07/2019 23:00

It's bloody hot but I'd love to have sec with my DP right now. Sadly he's 30 miles away.

RLOU30 · 25/07/2019 23:02

And to make it crystal clear I am not speaking about rape or anything of the sort. I'm speaking about men and their way of making women feel like their needs trump everything. Women are constantly having sex to keep the peace and that, is bloody horrendous, married or not.

UAbsolutefannyofawoman · 25/07/2019 23:04

@purplereindeer

Speak for yourself. I wouldn't expect my partner to sulk like a toddler if I wasn't putting out and I wouldn't do it to him neither.

Chocolatedaim · 25/07/2019 23:06

My husband and I tried to have sex last night it was too hot for either of us to get any enjoyment out of it and we ended up laughing about it and just rolling over to try get some sleep, there was no way either of us were going to climax it was too bloody awkward, sticky and sweaty 🥵

Have a shower together or find something else you can do to be intimate. Sit naked and eat ice cream 🍦 👍🏻😄