AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

@Klobluchar I am not expecting overweight people to suddenly become enlightened I am just supporting OP in some of her views about how it feels to have gained weight and you're not allowed to feel uncomfortable in your body because thats apparently fat shaming. Its a personal thing not an announcement to all 'fat' people to sort themselves out.

You can feel as uncomfortable as you like. Just keep it to yourself.

When you've punished yourself down to a weight/number that you felt was acceptable, how do you suppose you'll feel then? Will you think you're perfect, or will you focus on a little loose skin, some cellulite, varicose veins, wrinkles, boobs that aren't as perky as a 17 year old model, the lack of a thigh gap, a grey hair?

If you have a stretch mark or two, will you think 'never mind, I'm perfect now' or will you berate yourself for being such an awful person that deserves to suffer more for having stretched your skin?

If your skin isn't perfect, will you fixate upon that?

What about if you edit yourself out of photographs because your face looks drawn and haggard?

Do you think you'll never consider ever eating a morsel of food in a carefree manner, or will you be hungry, wishing you could have something you really like, but daren't because it might make you fat again?

What about if you stand in front of the mirror and realise you still hate what you see? How will you deal with that? Or if your kids put on a little weight? Will they be internalising your disgust for 'fat' people and develop eating disorders? How can you stop that disgust showing on your face?

Sort out your head and then sorting out your weight will become easier. Doing it the other way round is a recipe for disaster.

I actually get really tired of the obesity epidemic discussion. The simple fact is that people were thinner in the past because they had less food and more physical jobs. They weren't morally superior people who made better choices than us fat, greedy modern people. I'm fairly sure that if they had access to copious amounts of tasty, cheap, fast food they would have filled their boots.
Their lives were difficult in many ways, our lives are difficult in different ways.
I think that our predecessors had very little choice in most aspects of their lives and we probably have too many choices.
Just be the best you that you can be and treat people how you would like to be treated.

@Alsohuman All over mumsnet people are moaning about their life and how they feel about certain things how is this not different?

It’s nice that people who are regular weight for their height, either through luck of genetics or by sheer hard slog, care so much about overweight people that they feel the need to warn them at every available opportunity that not only are they harming their health, they’re not nice to look at either.

You might be able to tell we’re fat from fifty paces but it only takes a couple of seconds for us to realise what an arsehole you are

I'm about 2 stone overweight and its more how it feels than how I look, I feel like the pilsbury doughboy, just really uncomfortable, sweaty, big stomach overhang thighs rubbing together etc.

I don't really care too much how I look but I'd LOVE to just feel comfortable in my body even for one day.

@Klobluchar - sorry it was a poor attempt at sarcasm on my part, I know that's not what you think.

@followthefairytalexx - OP isn't saying this is how she feels and she's feeling ugly because of it; had she done so then this thread would have gone a very different way.

I think if someone is confident and happy in themselves then that shows and is very beautiful.

@followthefairytalexx

I don’t think anyone would have been unsympathetic to the original poster if she had posted just now she felt about herself, but she did not. Then you get the usual people joining in. It’s how these things go on here.

@DishingOutDone

I get that now, sorry.

It depends how u feel however. A good friend was a size 26 always looked stunning.. Dressed beautiful beautiful smile etc etc.
She had a health scare which prompted her to lose weight. She's now a 16 and I don't mean to sound horrible but she looks awful. Drained, haggard,. Old she's early 30s but looks 45 /50
Her clothes never sit right due to lose skin.. And she's shapeless. She's also now very unhappy..

Get yourself into a better place, fat is not healthy especially around your middle.

When it comes to weight I think only 2 things matter; the opinion of the person about their own weight and the health/fitness of that person.

If there is someone who is overweight but is happy, confident, healthy and fit then what business is it of anyone else?

I'm overweight. Yet people cannot believe it when I tell them how much I actually weigh. No one ever believes it. I carry it well.

I want to lose weight because I'm not happy and because I want to future proof my health as much as possible.

I eat too much and move too little. I was ill (but several years ago 😳) and that seems to have changed the way my body works when it comes to weight. I need to act now!

Good luck OP. I hope you start to feel better about yourself and perhaps take steps to lose the weight you want to.

I'm a bigger girl and I am told often how good I look. I could definitely benefit from losing weight from a health perspective but I am not unattractive at the moment. I dress well and don't wear heaps of makeup, I feel good about myself most days. It sounds like you do not and you are projecting that onto all overweight women.

Some people don't give a shit about being beautiful

What has anyone else’s health and fitness got to do you with you?

Well fuck me,I’d hate to read domethungbwhere you did intend to insult people

You clearly have issues - deal with them, don’t insult & make others feel worse than they already do about their bodies.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder not your opinion.

I, like you, used to be a lot slimmer, a lot younger and a lot more attractive but life happens, so i’m older, I’m fatter, I’m less ‘attractive’ but I don’t hate myself, sorry.

Big can be beautiful, there are a lot of incredibly beautiful big women

I look fucking grim having gone from 7.10 to 13.10 thanks to drugs. I don’t need any external clarification I look like a pig, thanks

@Grumpbum123 - I hear you - 5 stone on due to meds. Yep it's lovely to hear we are big huge fatsos!

Ohh but you just need to love yourself they say. I don't fucking recognise myself.

@MoobaaMoobaa - thank god I thought I was going mad. What flavour are those Pringles?

@Klobluchar - no need to apologise.

I just can't take the OP seriously. I just wrote a really damning post ripping her up and then I thought what is the point, that won't help. I don't even want to address the dubious points she's made. But you see I was having a go at her for her nasty attitude to other people, as if by saying yes I know I am disgusting but so are THEY - over there points she has somehow claimed the moral high ground (I think its a self esteem thing).

I wouldn't be having a go at her for being overweight because I am a grown up and I know that being obese is something that happens for a number of complex reasons. I also know its VERY popular to say that people are overweight because they are greedy, they are somehow less, they are ... other.

YANBU. I’m a lardy, it’s not a pretty sight. I need to lose 4 stone, I’m a 18/20. 16 at a push in some clothes. It’s not an attractive look, I’m not stupid to think otherwise.
There was a thread the other week where a larger lady was asking about wearing a bikini. I was pretty much the only person who commented that ‘yes, people will notice’ as everyone else was heading down the big is beautiful road.

1. Being overweight is unhealthy Plenty of things in life are unhealthy - smoking, drugs, alcohol. I partake in none of these.
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats No I'm not.
3. Nothing fits you nicely On the contrary, I have some very nicely cut outfits. I am not sheeple and have no wish to be part of a "fashion scene"
4. You get out of breath so easily I get out of breath *occasionally^ but certainly not going upstairs.
5. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally My mind is very healthy, but I thank you for your concern.
6. Not wanting to appear in photographs Nope, this isn't true.

I don't like people generalising, and generalising to specifically too

@maddiemookins16mum - you're exactly the sort of tell-it-like-it-is, salt of the earth person I need on my Fat Birds are Ugly thread!

I'm smart.
I'm funny.
I am a good mother.
I'm loved by my friends and family.
I've overcome serious mental health issues.

I'm overweight but I don't care. My life is busy and my heart is full.

I'm sorry you don't feel that way yourself OP.