AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

Have you ever considered that fat shaming and calling fat women ugly keeps them fat?

It makes them insecure. Insecurity means they don't go for a run because they're embarrassed. They don't put on a swim costume because they're scared they'll be made fun of. They don't want to go to the gym to be sneered at for being the whale who can't keep up in classes.

Fat women know they're fat. No one lets them forget, especially men who objectify all women. They also know they're fat when their thighs rub together or they're breathless after running up the stairs. They know they're fat when they're on medication for health problems. They don't need you to campaign for it. It's just rudeness dressed up as concern. These women need support, not harassment. If fewer people bullied fat women they would probably be more engaged in sport and participate in public forms of exercise, but instead they are shamed out of existence so choose to hide away at home.

The big is beautiful movement really helps people like me who are fat and it's rather beyond their control - disabilities, medication whatever we exist we are fat and we know it, we know most people find us revolting we're informed of it constantly by threads like this.

If the big is beautiful movement gives someone the confidence to leave the house, or just feel good about themselves for five minutes then it's not harming anyone.

I have PCOS, Underactive thyroid and I'm on anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, I've been told by the Doctor and MFP that my diet means I should be far slimmer than I am but things work against that and I just kind of have to accept it.

In December 2018. 7 months ago I was a size 10 and 8 and a half stone. I am now 13 stone and a size 18. It’s my own fault for comfort eating but I agree big is definitely not beautiful. I’m 54 and looked 45 ish when slim. I now look closer to 66. I saw
Myself in the mirror at work today and realised I look like Mel smith from not the nine o clock news. Really grim. I have a few health issues which has made me turn to food when in reality that’s making things worse. I am going to try to shift it again.

I feel like others look fucking mint big but I look ridiculous when I put half a stone on!

I’m not the best to reply because I have an ED BUT...
my size 26 friend is NEVER short of a shag. She is truly beautiful and everyone sees it it radiates from her

What a depressing thread. So much self loathing, so much judgement and condemnation for something that is really quite irrelevant and not massively controllable.

Live and let live. I won't show you my fat arse, and you don't tell me how much you weighed when you were 22, deal?

And the most food obsessed people are those who are trying to lose bloody weight! The irony.

I've got bored of hyper-toned, lean, leathery-looking bodies.

Bring back bosoms, bums and wobbly bits. Skin is so much better when it's not stretched taut over bone and sinew.

Women's bodies are much more sexual when they're not muscled up - a lot of people are frightened of that, and maybe that's why they're derided as 'fat'.

I've just remembered what a 'well meaning' (?) friend said to me once... I was going to die young and would struggle with my health all my life if I didn't lose weight.
Maybe.
I told her that when she stopped living on coffee, Gin and prosecco I'd give her advice some thought!
😂

PS Thin people get cancer and diabetes every day. Weight doesn't make anything like the difference the media claims, all too sadly.

It sounds like you are having a bad day OP. No one disagrees with you that it is better (health-wise) to be a healthy weight than overweight, but coming on MN to rant about how ugly fat people are is not helpful. 99% of overweight people know they are overweight and would very much prefer not to be (Christ I'd love to be a size 12 again) but it's easier said than done.

The heatwave will break. For now, take a deep breath and maybe think before projecting your own issues next time.

I always wonder who came up with that stupid expression "fat shaming"

Normalising and accepting obesity because it's on the increase and making it the right standard is very scary.

I wouldn't be surprised if the criteria for obesity actually change in a the next future, to match the vanity sizing in the stores. I hope it doesn't.

Thin people get cancer and diabetes every day. Weight doesn't make anything like the difference the media claims, all too sadly.

telling yourself that doesn't make it true unfortunately.

im very overweight, And I a) dont fixate on food/treats all the time dont have set meal times or think all the time about doing it in secret b) yes it doez limit clothes choices most definitely but all anyone can do it dress to suit their size, c) i dont edit my self out of photos, i like pics of me and the kids, and tbh im. quite photogenic there are an awful lot of plain, unattractive thin ppl OP, a lot of generalisations here OP.

It really does sound like you have some esteem/self image issues. I know loads of very beautiful women of a variety of body sizes. I genuinely don’t think fat is ugly. I believe it’s unhealthy to be overweight, but that is nothing to do with beauty.

It's just rudeness dressed up as concern @gingerbreadsprinkle best post of the evening, particularly when you see how VERY concerned @thedayofthethreeMagnums is!

@ReapersHowler I'm sorry to hear about your health problems! I have to admit that I'm wrong in the sense that the whole Big is beautiful movement is not nonsense and helps a lot of people to be confident. Me on the other hand I am in this situation due to my own laziness and have no-one else to blame. This is not the case for anyone with health problems, and I would never ever want to make you feel unattractive. Plus there are more important things in life than being beautiful. Love, family and enjoying life!

All three women in Vintanner's picture selection have pretty faces but only the middle picture looks healthy and realistic. One is overweight and the other is a bit thin.

However, age has a dimension too.

If pic 3 is 17, that's a normal lanky post-adolescent body. But it could equally be the picture of a starving would-be model aged 30 heavily made up.

We don't know the back story, so on a commonsense approach, picture 2 is the one to aim for. Moderate, sensible, but with freedom for a bit of indulgence at the weekend and working out or walking to work in the week.

@ReapersHowler - Plus there are more important things in life than being beautiful - there you go love, have that back handed compliment!

Big is definitely not beautiful. Weird how so many big celebs bleat this mantra like their life depends on it, but then you see them getting a personal trainer, healthy diet, lose loads of weight, and telling everyone how they really were never happy being big. You can sometimes carry off being big when young, but looking at my dm who has always been big, but is now also elderly, she has heart problems, huge mobility problems and gets out of breath walking more that two feet. It’s very sad. You don’t see many elderly people who are big because they just can’t survive the massive health issues that being big brings.

I think big is beautiful is not really the issue, as it sounds like you are uncomfortable and unhappy with yourself. People can be all shapes and sizes and be happy and feel and look beautiful. For me I used to be bigger, I do feel better now I'm smaller for a few reasons, but hating and being down on myself never helped me. Appreciating the body you are in can help you treat yourself better, be more active etc rather than punishing what you perceive to be bad. We change all the time through age, weight, giving birth and chasing something perfect will never happen.
When your kids are adults and look back at photos they won't care about the weight, they will have the memory of their mum on holiday and remember the funny things that happened, the way you made them feel and how you loved and cared for them.

I hit obesity when I went onto antidepressants. Unfortunate, but they were the only ones that stopped me trying to killing myself

Several years later, after a change in medication and the weight is dropping off me with no effort. No change in diet, no extra exercise. Just the medication change.

You're going to say that that's rare, but I suspect it's more common than you think.

If we should all strive to be a healthy weight, you are going to make it very difficult for those who have external factors in play.

And even when I was obese, my leggings didn't roll down. You probably need to buy bigger leggings!

I can relate to you on the breathlessness thing, but if that happens I take my blue inhaler. My asthma has been consistant whatever weight I was. Actually, everyone around me missed it when I was younger as they thought I was just unfit. Found out a few years ago that it was actually asthma, and that I'm reasonably fit (I guess forcibly breathing your way through an asthma attack is a decent workout, provided you survive...). Don't make the same mistake they/I did, and do make sure it isn't a medical condition.

I do agree with some of what you've said but having lost 3 and a half stone in the past and feeling good I still couldn't have run for 15 minutes like I did tonight.
I am trying to lose weight though so not saying it isn't all easier.

@DishingOutDone I can't say anything right can I? If you're so disgusted by everything I say, then how about you? Are you happy with yourself and the way you look? Why did you click on this thread? Is it really so difficult to understand that people who have different opinions from yourself are not necessarily nasty, but just normal kind caring people who are trying to figure something out with the help of others. There have been plenty of other posters who have understood what I mean. People who also struggle with the same issues as I do. I'll tell you what I did since feeling disgusted by those photos of me. I stopped the secret eating. No more chocolates in my bag or a sneaky second helping of dinner after everyone else has finished eating. I know I'll need to do more than that, but it's a start and I feel a little bit lighter already. This is a discussion board and I'm not such a mums net pro that I would know all the previous threads and what a certain kind of thread would trigger. I do know though that I'm not alone feeling like this, and I'm relieved many people have not responded offended. Some have, and I guess they have a right to be even though I don't know them and didn't speak to them. They chose to click on the thread and get offended. I might have too just last week.

OP, I feel very similarly but I don't agree with all you've said.

We ALL know that overweight is unhealthy. I mean, duh.

Yes, those of us who aren't nearer a normal weight should be mindful.

But like @ElsaMars I have CFS and FMS. I have several medical problems which can't be fixed and a few which could be treated but they won't because of my weight.

I almost feel completely resigned to this, but a tiny part of me still believes I can and will pull myself in the right direction somehow, at some point.

But what I really need right now is for people to tell me if I look nice or when they can see I've made an effort.

I know I'm morbidly obese. But it would mean the world to me if people could say they accept I'm massive, but that my make up looks nice, or isn't it lovely what I'm wearing today, or whatever. I don't feel sexy or wanted.

A bit of praise goes a long way.

And there are bigger women who wear it well and look amazing. Just as there's healthier weighted people who to me, look awful. It's subjective.

Obese is dangerous to health
I know a lady who is very big ... she really struggled breathing the other day at a theatre performance in the interval ( a choir ) ... I think she’s younger than me ... I was very concerned .. she was ok but imagine how her family must feel
When they see her like this ? ... I was very concerned ... it was very hot backstage ..
this is the only worry I have for obese people as it kills ..

I agree, I used to be able to eat whatever I want and I am 5.4 And around 11 stone and size 12, I have high cholesterol, my thighs chafe and my gut is revolting, I do have good boobs though but this isn’t good