AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

Why would believing overweight = unhealthy make me feel superior to you?

I have no idea if my life is superior to yours. We don't know each other. But I'm quite happy with my life.

Not moaning zonkin I am losing weight slowly but steadily and feel great.
Made mistakes before trying to get a quick fix after NHS postponed an op but refused to offer support to help me lose weight.
Within 6 months of op I weighed more than I did before.
Always exercised even with a BMI of 35 plus but now much quicker so all good thanks.

O and tonight I am having chicken stir fry for dinner and than hitting the gym.
Dh has had cake and Pringles and will sit on the sofa all night but as he is normal weight I am apparently the unhealthy one.

@Northernsoulgirl45 totally agree slow and steady is the way. And you are exercising. You are a role model in my view (and I'm not being sarcastic just in case anyone jumps on me mistakenly).

I completely sympathise about the operation. I have been there and it isn't easy.

But in the end you won't be the flabby one. You are keeping an eye on your health.

+Lol who uses the word snowflake, other than middle aged gammons on the daily mail *

But you are, aren’t you. You’re trying to make a case that you’re special, unique and beautiful as a results of being overweight, in the face of public opinion and medical science.

You’re arguing that being fat is a disease and should have special treatment and that the world perceives you incorrectly

It’s Idiotic and insulting to people who try to be healthy and not eat loads of shit and exercise but become ill through no fault of their own. You’re drawing equivalencies between the 2 situations and it’s not working.

Ah see there you go - you confirmed it. Me being happy and fat and demanding to be treated with the same level of respect as a thin person is insulting to those who work “hard” to be healthy (because apparently I don’t?) and I therefor invalidate your miserable life.

I have never once said fat people deserve to be treated better than a thin person. But it’s funny you perceive treating someone as equal as a loss of power to you.
Fat people deserve the same respect as a thin person the same way an unhealthy person should have the same respect as a healthy one. I cannot are how you could possibly disagree.

It would be better to say “big” (very overweight or obese) is unhealthy. I don’t think beauty should factor in this at all. Everyone has differing ideas of beauty but everyone probably wants to be healthy.

This is it really. Fortunately, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not some narrow range that the media (or you) says is 'beautiful'.

@Butters83 I think all the loss of power, others feeling superior comments really are projections of yours onto others. No one has said that, except you.

Who said fat people don't deserve the same respect as slim people in our every day life? Don't we all deserve respect?

We're saying that it's not right to say being overweight is healthy. And not right to be expected to be treated disease wise as someone who has cancer (your own example).

It’s literally written in this thread?

And who has said fat is healthy? Fat can be healthy and unhealthy the same way thin can. Again no one has ever said all fat people are healthy because that is literally stupid? The same way you couldn’t make such a sweeping statement about thin people.
And my point still stands that it literally literally does not matter how healthy you are to anyone but yourself.

and this whole thread is literally disrespectful to fat women because we are apparently not beautiful so.....

I agree you couldn't make a sweeping statement about thin people. I never said otherwise.

We agree that only ourselves (and probably our nearest and dearest) care about us being healthy.

So what's the issue? I will take my health advice from scientists and health experts. And Big maybe Beautiful to some, but it is not healthy. And as OP pointed out, some people use that mantra to justify their unhealthy choices.

Their choice, their body, their life expectancy, their old age probably more vulnerable to illness. I respect that choice. But don't come preaching that it's the better choice for me and moaning about how society hates you.

this whole thread is literally disrespectful to fat women because we are apparently not beautiful so...

Completely agree, OP has started a really nasty thread.

It's sad that she has so much self-hatred and I hope she improves her self esteem, but to project that self-hatred onto everyone else 'big' is awful.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We all have different tastes. That's part of the variety of life. Would be boring otherwise

Is it really so difficult to understand.

Body positivity is NOT about saying fat = healthy. Or for that matter thin is healthy.

Body positivity IS about saying that ALL people deserve to be treated with respect and kindness REGARDLESS of how their body looks.

That all people have the right to feel comfortable or even happy with their body REGARDLESS of how they look or what societal rules dictate.

That all people deserve to be able to clothe themselves REGARDLESS of how they look.

It's no ones business but the individual and their doctor how healthy your body is or not.

If you honestly think you can look at someone and determine their level of health you need to take your head for a wobble and examine your critical thinking skills.

But you do feel you are beautiful - you have said. Nobody here as said you aren't.

Once again you are projecting your feeling dismissed onto others. All their fault.

@beccarocksbaby I said I will take my health advice from health experts and scientists. And not any old stranger on the internet or street. We don't disagree. It would be crazy to do otherwise.

So I shan't be giving my head a wobble, thanks.

And I agree everyone should be treated with respect, as I have already said.

I agree you couldn't make a sweeping statement about thin people.

People do, regularly. The thread about the Duchess of Cambridge was full of it.

unhealthy person should have the same respect as a healthy one

Do you apply that to smokers?

Yes I would apply that to smokers. Why would you be disrespectful to someone who did?

I did defend the DoC on that thread. Thought the thin shaming was appalling. And the terminology - too thin for me, skinny, bag of bones etc - completely offensive

When the proven evidence comes in that obesity is good for you and people aren't wilfully harming themselves I will happily agree with you ... but that's two different things.

I'm not aware of any research/conspiracy going on to try to prove that obesity is good for you, other than in the minds of some folk on this thread. But based on the precept that obesity is not a moral failing, there IS research going on to find a solution to/or cure for obesity which those who want or need to can avail themselves of. I think this will definitely be found in our lifetime.

In the meantime, I'm happy to go along with that precept - the theory seems sensible, although it won't sit well with the "fat people are ugly" cheerleaders. Nor do I think that an obese person accepting how they are, celebrating their life and cracking on with it etc., means that they are some despicable fatty encouraging us all to eat lard sandwiches, rubbing their hands and cackling "mwah ha ha!! Soon they shall ALL dance fatly on telly".

HTH (but I bet it doesn't).

People keep equating smoking to fatness in terms of respect so let me put the question back to you. Would you say someone with cancer should have less respect?

I never said obesity was a moral failing. Putting words into my mouth again. I never said fat people are ugly. Just not the physical type that I would personally choose to have a shag with. But I also said that the world would be boring without variety and we are all attracted to different physical aspects.

I don't like short men either. Or men with beards. Just the way it is. I'm not going to make myself find those physical traits attractive when there is a world full of people that I do find physically attractive.

I said that given all evidence to date, being overweight is unhealthy. Fact. Rational based on empirical evidence.

The pharmaceutical company that find a "cure" for obesity will be cashing in big time. And they know it. They've been working on it for decades. No prize yet. So in the meantime do we wait for that golden cure or work with what we do know has an effect if not quite the the easy "go to" that we dream of?

Also lol thin shaming isn’t the same as fat shaming so don’t try that one here