AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

What about the thin people that buy cakes? Coffee that is no doubt full of sugar and caffeine is hardly great for the health either?

I was very over weight and never wanted to be photographed. The sad part is I have split up with my husband and don't have any pictures of us as a family which include my 3 year old. I think that's really sad for him.

I’m big and I agree with you. I think we should be very careful about marketing ‘big is beautiful’. It’s different to accepting someone for who they are and supporting them in being healthy and making healthy choices. It’s a fine line though and not easy to define. I think we need to take the spotlight off our looks and looking beautiful and highlight being a beautiful person and promote a big more of that. Especially it times were we seem to have more of us with mental health issues than ever.

What about the thin people that buy cakes? Coffee that is no doubt full of sugar and caffeine is hardly great for the health either

I suspect thin people buy fewer cakes and drink coffee with no sugar. Actually, I can't think of anybody I know, fat or thin, that takes sugar in coffee.

Apologies, my post probs sounded a bit judgmental - was just being direct.

My point is that we hear about all the hormonal reasons why larger people can't lose weight but this is at odds with the vast number I see eating unhealthy crap. I refuse to believe there isn't a connection

"Apologies, my post probs sounded a bit judgmental - was just being direct."

Ah the old snidey comment dressed up as "I was only being honest".

What's the solution then? Have a "you must be this thin to enter" sign at the door?

Nothing snidey lol. Just an observation that lots of fat people eat rubbish in large quantities, which makes me question the hormonal/medical justifications we always see trotted out (apparently estimated to only be around 5%).

If you want to eat three double cheeseburgers, a large milkshake and a mcflurry for lunch (genuine order I saw the other day) then just own it. Most people don't really care what you eat but like myself won't acquiesce to agreeing with ridiculous statements like the two are not connected - just like I won't accept that a man can become a woman, although I'm happy for them to do what makes them happy (just don't try and change my thinking to suit yours).

you seem to care a lot about what other people eat

a lot of people on this thread care a lot about what other people eat and how fat they are

"If you want to eat three double cheeseburgers, a large milkshake and a mcflurry for lunch (genuine order I saw the other day) then just own it. Most people don't really care what you eat"

You seem to pay an awful lot of attention for someone who doesn't care.

I was Gregg's the other day (for a sandwich while I was at work if you must know) and I couldn't tell you what anyone else in the shop ordered, or indeed if they were fat or not because I couldn't give a shit.

Do people realise how damaging this whole conversation is? Some of it is showing people's internalised hatred massively.

"Swimsuit ready" - implies people would only wear swimsuits at a certain weight or size. Why? Because the fashion industry says so? Because men say so? WTF!

"Food is fuel" - has been proven again and again and again not to be the case, food is not only a nutritional intake but also a social one, your upbringing, social skills, education, mental health, lifestyle, will all contribute to these decisions. It's largely recognised that the attitude of "I only eat nutritionally dense food and treat everything as fuel only" is a starting point for many ED.

"All the fat people buying burgers makes me reconsider health reasons being real" - do thin people eating sugar make you question the prevalence of diabetes? Of course not every overweight person has a physical health difficulty which directly contributes to them gaining weight however some may do. Others may be eating a burger for the first time in their life or their weekly treat. Some may have worked 50 hours that week and be simply exhausted. Some may have mental health difficulties or binge eating disorders. There is also the fact (with actual studies backing it) that overweight folk are less likely to receive suitable medical care as doctors are so blinkered by the weight conversation they overlook actual health difficulties. Thyroid problems are under acknowledged in this country due to the guidelines and thresholds being skewed.

Of course people overeat and gain weight because of it.

Has the whole country lost all its compassion for other people now? People's relationship with food is often complex and stems from many areas of our life when you actually unpick it. Maybe if we just stopped being so invested in other people's appearance we wouldn't be such judgemental dicks.

a lot of people on this thread care a lot about what other people eat and how fat they are

I’m sure you’d be the first to complain about ‘Tory austerity leaving the nhs skint’ but a maybe you’re a little less keen on examining some of the issues and demographics that cost them a fortune

I for one try to take care of myself and try to restrain my diet and do some exercise, so that I don’t suffer later in life or become a burden. Fat people have a cost to society, mobility scooters, hip and knee operations, in some cases specialist care, diabetes treatment. A very large amount is avoidable and I bet you they aren’t happy with their weight. if they could manage to eat a bit less shit and walk occasionally that would be a big win for them, their family, the nhs, and any other recipients of government funding who would have more money available

So when I see marketing aimed at normalising / encouraging sometimes near morbid levels of obesity, I put my concerns for society as a whole above the feelings of people who need to get to a health weight.

"So when I see marketing aimed at normalising / encouraging sometimes near morbid levels of obesity"

Examples?

Mobility scooters aren’t provided by the NHS. The four people I know who have had hip or knee replacements are all thin.

The biggest drain on the NHS is old people. I’m unique among my friends because I never visit my GP, am prescribed no drugs and have blood pressure that every HCP openly envies (that has a downside in that I often get dizzy). The older we get, the worse our health needs. At least it’s unlikely that anyone morbidly obese will stick around long enough to need care in their old age.

Anecdotal evidence isn't science.

In my life, the three people I know who had hip replacements (2) knee replacement (1) are/were overweight. Of those three, one made a really good recovery, did the physio and lost weight and says that he feels like superman now. The other 2 didn't and are still overweight and complaining that the operations didn't work. They were all given the operations without prejudice.

"Others may be eating a burger for the first time in their life or their weekly treat." - this is one of the points that the OP is making - treating food as a treat or reward. I doubt many people in the burger bar are having their first ever burger. And if it is the occasional "treat" then I bet that person isn't fat.

Agree that older people are a drain on the NHS. Especially as social care is so underfunded, which leads to bed blocking etc. But that really is a whole other discussion.

It isn’t a whole other discussion if you’re going to blame fat people for being a drain on the NHS, because they’re a fraction of the drain of the over 65s, irrespective of social care costs.

I don't know why this thread is so long. Just eliminate all the old, fat, sick, people or anyone with mental health or addiction problems or anyone that might ever need any help of any kind. Problem solved. NHS saved. [Where's the Freemason agenda emoji when you need one?]

NHS funding is a whole other discussion. As I have said before, I firmly believe that the NHS in it's current format will not exist in 20 years.

For example, let's say you pay up front and then you claim the costs back. Perhaps NHS meets 50% costs, you meet 50% costs or some other similar funding model.

In that scenario some of us will opt for health insurance. Without a doubt the premiums of overweight people will be higher than those who are not. The reason for that is obvious. It's not because of prejudice, it's because the empirical evidence would show that it's more likely that the insurance provider would have to pay out more for an overweight person than a healthy weight person. Similar for underweight.

@mindproject don't over dramatise - nobody here has said that.

NHS as currently modelled/funded can't and won't be saved, regardless of how much money is pumped in. It needs a complete overhaul. As I said, that is a whole other discussion.

Zonkin - sorry if my sarcasm went above your head. Seriously though, I do get a bit tired of listening to the bots just parroting lies they've seen on TV without ever questioning anything. Of course the Tories want you to believe the NHS needs an overhaul, they don't want an NHS, they've all private healthcare. The state is turning on it's people, some people can see that, other's can't.

It’s a shame the thread has somehow devolved into having a go for not wanting people with obesity to be treated on the NHS as it’s a bit of a red herring. I don’t think there are many people who’d actually want obese people, smokers, alcoholics etc not to be treated. I certainly believe everyone should have the right to be treated on the NHS as long as there’s a clinical justification for the treatment.

I’m not saying ‘obese people are a huge drain on the NHS, stop treating them’. I’m saying ‘obesity is a huge drain on the NHS, we need to be promoting healthy weights, not normalising being overweight or celebrating obesity, and certainly not spreading non scientific nonsense like the idea that being obese isn’t detrimental to health’. The pendulum has swung too far. By all means continue to treat everyone fairly on the NHS irregardless of their size or other damaging habits and lifestyles, but work also to reduce the rates of obesity in the population because there are many benefits (including NHS money being spent more effectively). Which is already happening, off the top of my head I can think of Change 4 Life and the Couch to 5k programme, weighing kids in school to address obesity early before it becomes more entrenched, vouchers for fruit and veg for kids in low income households etc. But these initiatives are clearly not enough and it doesn’t help when there’s a small but vocal segment of people claiming that medical advice to lose weight is fat shaming, you can be healthy at any size, BMI is nonsense, etc etc. No. Being overweight and obese carries health risks.

And for people saying that the elderly are a bigger ‘drain’, unless you top yourself you can’t help getting older, that’s nobody’s fault is it? Whereas overeating to the point of putting on so much weight you’re obese IS in most cases a choice, as evidenced by the fact that when people bring their caloric intake below their caloric expenditure they will lose weight.

I’m aware someone will be along soon to claim that nobody can lose weight and it’s all factors outside of your control that cause you to gain weight order that second takeaway this week but it’s just infantilising bullshit to suggest people have no control over their own food intake and weight. Yes, there are influencing factors outside us. Food deserts, for example. But the buck stops ultimately with the person choosing to shove 3000 calories per day into their mouths rather than 1500.

@mindproject I'm more than aware that the tories don't want an NHS. Who isn't aware of that - it's been blatantly obvious for donkey's years to anybody. Just as much as they don't want state education. It's a bit late in the day to turn the clock back on the inevitable outcome of the NHS. LOTS of it is already outsourced, and has been for some years.

I hope for a better outcome for education as it's not too late for that.

Clearly you feel I'm a robot who believes everything that the politicians spout out and who doesn't get involved in campaigning and lobbying MPs. I bow to your superior intellect. Clearly I am wasting my time in the lobbying and campaigning as I don't get your "sarcasm". Silly, stupid drone like me.

I appreciate your sarcasm. You actually made me laugh.

Alsohuman so are you saying one of the benefits of overweight people is that they die younger and don't become a drain on the nhs like those pesky slim old people?