AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

I think it probably does.

Ok fair enough.

Being obese is a massive health risk and should never be seen as positive in any way.

OP has recognised that she is overweight because of how she eats. She knows that hiding food is wrong. She does it because she doesn't want to set a bad example to her children. She acknowledges that she shouldn't be doing this. She realises that she has to change the mindset of food as a treat or being nice to herself. She is taking responsibility and is doing something about it. Sounds like she's addressing the issues quite successfully to me.

I think it's rather patronising the way some people are addressing her alleged eating disorder. But again, claiming she has an eating disorder is another deflection of responsibility.

It’s not a defection of responsibility at all. It’s recognising that she has issues she needs help and support with. When I was fat it was because I was a greedy cow with no self control but everything that went down my throat was in front of other people. Eating in secret and hiding the evidence is like an alcoholic hiding the empty bottles.

Admitting you have an eating disorder is not deflection of responsibility, it’s the first step to getting yourself sorted. You wouldn’t dream of saying that to someone who had ED which resulted in them being underweight.

She is addressing her issues rather successfully it would seem. Suggesting she needs outside help is patronising. She has addressed her behaviour and knows why she does it. If she couldn't do that, then yes, get outside support. But she's doing just fine. OP doesn't seem helpless and locked into a pattern of behaviour to me.

Being severely underweight is not related at all to being severely overweight. Completely different issues, although presenting as food related.

Your last two sentences are completely contradictory. And everything you post displays your complete ignorance of eating disorders and food related psychology.

There is a wholesale normalisation taking place of people being obese. This carries all sorts of health risks and of course costs to society
It shouldn't be glorified
People who are overweight should have help available to them to lose it just like how the NHS help people give up smoking.

Over consumption of anything, be it sugar, alcohol or crack is not good for you. How ever over consumption of food is generally harder to hide.

@Alsohuman - so are you saying that OP has an eating disorder equivalent to that of an underweight anorexic person?

I find it ridiculous that people are diagnosing OP having an eating disorder based on one behaviour which she has fully acknowledged, is addressing and has rational explanation for. It's actually quite offensive.

Eating disorders are more complicated that that.

I also don't really think that most of the overweight people one sees walking down the high street have eating disorders.

Nobody said most overweight people have eating disorders. I’ve already said quite explicitly that my former obesity wasn’t due to one. I think Summer’s behaviour might indicate she has one and she would probably benefit from some help. Help, it seems that you’re determined she doesn’t need, why I have no idea.

@Shortstuff99 There is help. I've mentioned this on a different thread. The uptake is very low however and it's hard to justify getting the funding for the programs due to this.

An average person, when told that their weight might be contributing to their health issue by their health care providers, be that a GP or in a hospital setting, just does not want to accept it.

Look at the threads on here every year when the reception and year 6 height and weight recordings are taken. People are outraged when they get a letter saying that child is overweight and they get lots of support about how outrageous it all is. And you know your child, etc nonsense

@Alsohuman if you're so sure she has an eating disorder where do you suggest she goes for help? Only extreme cases will get funding. And there are plenty of hoops to jump through to get that.

Meanwhile, she has taken responsibility and is addressing the issue head on successfully.

I’m not sure. Why won’t you read what I actually wrote? I think she needs help because you haven’t read what she wrote either and she’s not “successfully addressing it”. There are plenty of therapists specialising in this field, unfortunately our beleaguered NHS doesn’t fund most of them. Which is pretty shortsighted.

Indeed they won't fund them. The NHS funding issue is a whole other rather depressing topic. And in 20 years time we won't be debating about who is the biggest drain on the NHS as it won't exist in the format that it does today.

I did actually read what she wrote and I think she is addressing it. I do have eyes and a brain. I even put my reading glasses on. I interpreted the words differently to you.

If she goes to her GP, explains it all, he or she will most likely say, you're doing a good job, keep it up.

I don't think either of us will change our minds on this issue. So you think she needs help and I don't.

My goodness sake ladies!! I do not have an eating disorder. If I didnt have children and my husband also had a sweet tooth, we would've been getting fat together! Iin fact haven't been eating anything secretly since the start of this week because I'm seeing my own insanity regarding all of it and my goal is to be swimsuit ready by next summer. Pretty reasonable in my opinion. No fad diets, just acknowledging I've been allowing myself some very very bad habits.

Whenever I stop at Greggs or McDonald's to grab a coffee (most days) I see lots of tubby people ordering cakes and pasties. This can't be helping their weight or their 'genetic predisposition', surely?

Whenever I stop at Greggs or McDonalds to stuff my face with pies and burgers, I always wonder about the slim people queuing with us fatties to get their fat free sugar free coffees and wonder why they drink coffee from these kind of places, that do bad coffee, and wonder if they are slim because they lack taste buds...

I stop at them because they tend to be located in accesible places, and I always go large latte - hardly fat free. Not too fussed about my tastebuds. Food is just fuel really.

"Whenever I stop at Greggs or McDonald's to grab a coffee (most days) I see lots of tubby people ordering cakes and pasties. This can't be helping their weight or their 'genetic predisposition', surely?"

People buying cakes in a business literally built on selling just that, how shocking 🙄

Jeez, this thread got out of control! Though I suppose it’s an emotive issue so hardly surprising. I think a lot of you have been a bit harsh on OP! She’s been telling herself “big is beautiful” for years and trying to make peace with it, but clearly she’s had a lightbulb moment and realised she doesn’t feel that way. Big can be beautiful, to some people. But generally big isn’t healthy. Cellulite and chins - I’ve been there and I did not feel beautiful!! I agree that society places a lot of importance on being beautiful/attractive. It’s harmful, mentally. But all of those things aside, OP is just saying she’s had enough of being big. She doesn’t feel beautiful. She wants to change. Maybe the original post could have been articulated better, but instead of jumping on this poor woman we ought to be offering words of encouragement. Not insisting she has an eating disorder and having a go at her for fat shaming every fat person!! OP if you’re reading still, I thought you sounded really fed up in your post. I don’t generally think big is beautiful either (though there are some bloody gorgeous “big” people out there). I was not one of them! Ignore the people trying to do you down. I know what you meant!!

I always wonder about the slim people queuing with us fatties to get their fat free sugar free coffees and wonder why they drink coffee from these kind of places

Jeeze, I'm not judging any overweight people for being there (way too wrapped up in whatever I'm doing!), why pick on the slim people? I buy coffee from McD because it's good value and I like it. Shock horror.

My taste buds are very happy. But I do eat for health and nutrition rather than solely taste, like LordRudolphVII said, food is fuel.

As a society we need an ideological shift to see food as fuel, rather than expect full convenience from our meals and viewing them as events to make us feel better. But that's cultural and psychological; weight is obviously a complex issue.

calls people tubby for buying the same food as thin people

People buying cakes in a business literally built on selling just that, how shocking

Fat people buying massively unhealthy food in reckless stupidity and health risk shocker