AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

feelingverylazytoday

Crusty I'm sorry, but obesity is becoming the biggest challenge in health care today. It was smoking but obesity has overtaken it. Obesity is a risk factor in cardiovascular diseases, diabetes T2 (and alzheimers is now being identified as a form of diabetes) and several common cancers, and many other diseases.
The goal is to eradicate smoking by 2030, reduce drinking to safe levels, but where are we going with obesity?

I do agree with you and said so much in my post. As you say yourself, it's on the increase despite the 'fat shaming' that goes on every day, despite the campaigns and the information and education out there. The approach clearly isn't working is it? Shaming people, nasty comments, vilifying people, calling the obstacles they have excuses, telling people they're lazy are not going to get people to talk about it and discuss it, to do something about it, to stop it before it goes too far, because opening themselves up to 'help' is opening themselves up to those things I've listed - and they happen a plenty anyway without asking for anything.
For me at least it makes me scared to ask for advice or help, to open up and talk about why it's happening and what things are standing in my way to getting a better lifestyle going. Hearing and reading how I'm being judged over every area in my life and being put down makes me defensive, it would anyone over anything.
I don't know what the 'right' approach would be, there'll be no one thing that magically works, but some thinking around the causes and why it's happening in the first place and addressing those might be a good start.
You said it's overtaking smoking, this I can believe, because I've noticed less people smoke than 10 years ago. But look at the changes made to get us here to advertising, cost, availability, age restrictions. Those things combined with education, clinics and help to quit and campaigns have achieved the downturn, not just going "Stop smoking! You're disgusting!" Over and over.
I don't understand how we can have one rule for people who put food that causes problems into their body - and thus drains resources and another for people who put drugs or alcohol into their body that causes problems and thus drains resources.

@SummerSummerSummer

100% your last post. That is it completely...

Research from Harvard Health...

Metabolism is partly genetic and largely outside of one's control. Changing it is a matter of considerable debate. Some people are just lucky. They inherited genes that promote a faster metabolism and can eat more than others without gaining weight. (16 Jul 2015)

Now, some people just eat too much for the amount of energy they spend. Some people are genetically predisposed to gaining weight more easily...even with a healthy dietary intake. Can we stop judging everyone? I have lots and then gained, the same 14lbs MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. I’m not obese but feel great at the lower weight. Over time I creep back up. Never beyond, just back to my starting point. I think it’s just “me”. How I’m meant to be.

If people wish to tackle the obesity epidemic then they should be lobbying their local MPs to change laws surrounding food. Sugar contributes massively, and it IS addictive. Couple that with its marketing, cheap cost and it’s abundant availability and of course there’s a problem. You have to actively Male some fairly tough decisions to avoid it.

make*

OP, the drinker's version of 'big is beautiful' is 'Wine O'Clock' and the prosecco meme's. Every chainstore has myriad tacky products to capture prosecco drinkers. The only parallel that I can think of for junk food is Homer Simpson 'Do-nutttts!' but that's aimed at boys/men.

Not everybody subscribes to the notion of 'big is beautiful' and you've had some backlash because of that and rightly so. Your first post was awful, in my opinion.

Crustrytoenail, I agree with everything in your post; there is very little done to address the obesity epidemic in a meaningful way and it's going to cripple the NHS because poor nutrition affects many more than just the visibly overweight.

I also agree with Writersblock2. We have a massive problem with cheap, nutritionally-devoid foods alongside some people's addiction with eating/drinking them. That does need some serious (and perhaps unpopular) action to address that.

Wine oclock is not the drinkers version of big is beautiful. 'Drunk is delightful' would be a closer version. But you would never see that as over drinking is seen as a lot worse than over eating.

I agree actually, Vulpine, it's the 'self-celebratory' parallel that I'm really referring to.

Overeating doesn’t result in antisocial behaviour so it’s not a relevant comparison.

The part of the OP I find most disturbing in the OP, reiterated in various subsequent updates, is the secret eating and hiding food. That’s not overeating, it’s an eating disorder. And until we stop the lazy reductive thinking about weight being a purely physical issue, eating disorders will escalate. It’s very sad that the only widely recognised eating disorders are those resulting in extreme underweight, while those resulting in overweight are dismissed and the sufferers should just eat less and move more.

All this talk of addiction to food and sugar and eating in secret etc is a result of restriction which is endemic in diet culture.
It's amazing that when you stop dieting and hating yourself and allow yourself to eat what your body tells you to, previously 'forbidden' and 'addictive' foods no longer have the same appeal at all.
Any binge starts with a diet, or restrictive thoughts, ie 'I shouldn't eat that doughnut as I'm so fat and greedy'

Overeating doesn’t result in antisocial behaviour so it’s not a relevant comparison.

It sort of can. Wasn't there a recent thread complaining about fat people that refuse to buy two seats and thus cause misery for the unfortunate individual being squashed next to them at the theatre?

Vulpine I disagree with that actually. LOADS of people drink more than they should, every single weekend. It’s normalised and it’s seen as the culture. It’s completely excused.

Even getting so pissed that you’re rude or sick or black out is passed off as ‘hilarious’ behaviour if it’s not done all the time by quite a lot of people, even on here. There are massive amounts of functioning alcoholics and binge drinkers in this country and it’s not usually frowned upon except by HCPs.

HCPs are far from perfect themselves in this regard. Glass houses and stone throwing come to mind.

On MN there have been a few threads where posters have posted pics of themselves in bikinis. No matter how heavy they are, almost every reply tells them that they look “fab”. I really think that “fab” is only ever used to describe overweight women.

No-one should hate themselves because of the way they look, but this “fabbing” ”is only helping to normalize obesity.

It is very manipulative of posters who post those pictures, they know that no-one would dare give a negative or even mildly critical opinion they know they will only get praise and plaudits.

It sort of can. Wasn't there a recent thread complaining about fat people that refuse to buy two seats and thus cause misery for the unfortunate individual being squashed next to them at the theatre?

These threads pop up frequently here. The above is “anti social”.

All right, if you’re going to be absurd, I’ll be more specific. I wrongly assumed a modicum of intelligence here.

How many people eat too many cream buns then go and beat someone up or smash things up? How many alcohol fuelled crimes would be committed after a surfeit of cake?

I see the eating disorder point’s too difficult to deal with or doesn’t fit the fat shaming narrative.

I agree with that, RedDogsBeg, it's just manipulative attention-seeking for 'likes' and approbation. It's pathetic really and I won't post on those threads.

LordRudolph, you completely invalidated any point you were making with that giant stretch. It's not even mildly similar.

@Alsohuman Not every overweight person has an eating disorder. I don't. The fact I've been hiding my treats from my family is because I know it's wrong and I wouldn't want my kids to copy my habits. I've justified it to myself though as the only way to 'celebrate' or 'let me hair down' because the time I have for myself is so minimal. It's just a wrong way of thinking and a lack of self discipline. Allowing yourself these harmful habits because 'I deserve it' or 'big is beatiful'.
The subject is very emotive for many and people try muddy the waters with arguments about BMI and eating disorders etc..

Yes, it is emotive. That’s exactly what I’m arguing against the idiots who keep banging on about eating less and moving more. It’s massively more complicated than that. I’m sorry @SummerSummerSummer, but someone who eats in secret has problems with food that go beyond being a bit greedy. Your regular references to “treats” point in the same direction. I genuinely do think you might have an eating disorder and it would be great if you could get some help with it.

crustytoenail what you call 'fat shaming' I call stating facts, I'm afraid, for the most part. And accepting personal responsibility, not believing pseudo science as an excuse for overeating, not rejecting well established medical advice because it doesn't fit in with our own views, calling other 'idiots' because they've succesfully lost weight by 'eating less and moving more', etc etc
Of course it's not acceptable to abuse overweight people or to deny them services, at the same time there needs to be a move towards encouraging to accept responsibility for their own health as far as preventable conditions are concerned.
I have been seriously obese myself (twice) and I'm not going to judge anyone, because who knows I could end up there again, but if I do it won't be complicated at all (barring medical conditions), I will have been consistently overeating and it will be my responsibility to sort it out.
Some one mentioned drinking/alcohol abuse up thread, I believe there is a campaign to reduce drinking and it's starting to have some effect. My son is 22 and apparently binge drinking is seen as uncool now.

It’s self confidence that’s attractive whatever size you are. Being fat generally isn’t healthy but it’s not necessarily ugly. If you like yourself it radiates out of you.

Not every overweight person has an eating disorder. I don't
I don’t think eating food in secret out of embarrassment is an especially ordered form of eating.

OP, you say you don’t have an eating disorder but you’re eating in secret and hiding evidence. What exactly do you think an eating disorder is if not this?

Ps I don’t mean that as a dig more that I don’t think you’ve accepted that you do have an eating disorder.

Klobluchar being secretive about food can be a sign of an eating disorder, that doesn't mean that everyone who does it has an eating disorder.