AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

Let me ask a question as lots of people seem to think healthy looks a certain way and “she looks healthy and beautiful.”

If you equate health with beauty - would you say a person with an illness was ugly?
Would you say someone with cancer is ugly?

NowWhat.

Do you seriously think I would invite people like you to actually comment on that poster's thread? Knowing the opinions you hold? The words deliberately and disingenuous come to mind ...

What I am doing is calling you and the rest out on it. You actually espouse these views (not just you obvs)! You think body positivity is wrong. I was drawing attention to a thread where a poster was worried that people like you would judge her. There's another one up today with a poster saying she thinks people don't want to be friends with her because she's fat.

And you've said "I do however think that there’s this line which is a very difficult at the moment with accepting people as who they are and what they look like with all this mental health awareness, and giving some people the green light to carry on with unhealthy lifestyles. Obesity is a big drain on the NHS (not saying it’s the only lifestyle choice that is responsible)."

Obesity is not a "choice" for 99.9% of those struggling with it. And you still think you have the moral high ground?!

I asked for the link to be deleted just in case someone really did think it was a good idea to go and give their lovely opinions over there. Sounds like it was just as well ...

OP, you sound like one of those very annoying people who, when faced with something of themselves that they don't like very much, need to feel better about it by transposing that onto other people. Why do you feel the need to do that? Work on yourself maybe and perhaps you'll feel a bit better about yourself. It sounds like there's quite a bit you don't like.

Teddybear and NoBaggyPants have summed it up really. Either you have issues about yourself that you need to work on - or you're being a goady fucker. Only you know which.

Haven't RTFT but I've seen as much as I need to. OP, stop using your own lack of body confidence as an excuse to post a goady and frankly trollish sounding attach on other women. If you hate yourself so much, do something about it without attempting to bring everyone else down with you. Jesus wept.

I've not got time to read this whole thread... except to copy and paste the comment, "there's no point in insulting other people" - I didn't notice that you were insulting other people, OP!

I am so glad you wrote your post. It's a fad we must apparently all play along with, this Big Is Beautiful thing. Big (by which I mean 'fat') is not beautiful at all, it's a massive health risk. But it's going to be a hard one to get around (if you'll pardon the pun) because of the dangerous modern attitude that "curves" should be celebrated. No actually, they shouldn't. We should all be out there exercising more and taking better care of ourselves, to avoid not just personal misery, but an explosion of related health issues that we are all going to have to pay for. The backlash is only just beginning - the obesity health warnings that look like cigarette packet warnings are hopefully just the start. So thanks for your post. It was very brave. Good luck with getting back to the "attractive and full of energy" person you were. Because you still are that person, and you absolutely can do it. x

Back to the three photos that vintanner posted. I think (could be wrong) that Ashley Graham is the model in the first picture. Most overweight people do not look like that.

Interestingly she got a lot of vitriol last year as people accused her of betraying the plus size cause by losing a few pounds and now being curvy and not plus sized. Can't win can she?

cms Who are you referring to as 'playing along with a fad'? I see people doing their own thing. It's nobody else's business what other people do with their bodies. This bit isn't aimed at you personally but generally; if you can't think for yourself, sort your own body issues and do what you need to do then do yourself a favour and disable all social media so that you don't get caught up in it.

OP's post wasn't brave, it was a rant, designed to drag in other people and your back-patting is really quite transparent. You do you, other people are not your concern.

Obesity is not a "choice" for 99.9% of those struggling with it.

@bringincrazyback don't over exaggerate. The OP isn't trolling.

I see we have to use the word "big" and not "fat" these days lest we offend anyone. We don't use "small" instead of "thin".

When I see covers of magazines like the one here; I just facepalm, because no WAY does this woman look good. No. WAY.

I think she does, actually, and that's not said just to be argumentative. She looks comfortable and confident in her own skin, and that's usually attractive regardless of body shape.

She does look confident and comfortable in that cover picture. Agreed. But she doesn't look healthy. I can't think that anyone on this thread looked at the cover shot and thought they wanted to have a body like that. Or that anyone would want their son/daughter to use that as an inspirational physical shape. Her attitude maybe.

Confidence isn't the be all and end all though. If we're talking purely about attraction, you might be in for a big surprise. If some fat wobbly dude with bags of confidence came onto me, I'd promptly tell him to get back in his lane and his confidence wouldn't matter one bit.

@Crummyfunnymummy thank you for your encouraging words! This is exactly what I hoped to hear. Since Monday I have not secretly eaten anything and had my last meal at dinner with my family. No treats, alcohol or snacks. Just eating the same as my family together with them at meal times. I'm glad I started this thread even though it hasn't been received too well by some. Stories like yours are giving me the encouragement to really make a change. I'm not an early riser so I'm definitely not going to get up at 5am,but I've been doing some stairs work outs at home and gone swimming with the kids every day. I feel so much better already. You're right in saying that you just need to reach that tipping point for yourself and I feel like I'm there. Not going on any crazy diets or looking for a quick fix, but trying to learn a more normal healthy lifestyle. My goal is to look good in a swimsuit by next summer, so I think my pace should be OK and not based on any fads. I'm glad you've done it! Well done you!!

What a shite post

Obesity often isn’t a choice - in the same way that alcoholism and drug abuse isn’t a choice!

However, nobody is slapping those on the front cover of magazines and trying to sell to the young generation that it’s ‘healthy’!

Alcoholics and drug users are acknowledged by society as having a serious problem- because they’re actively treating their body in a way that puts them at risk/ in danger!

If you want to argue that obesity ‘isn’t a choice’ then surely it should be viewed and treated the same as every other ‘addiction’- but I guarentee every obese person would go crazy if they were lumped in with alcoholics and drug users!

The OP might not have been trolling in her original post but she sure got to it later on.

Threads about weight and fat quickly turn toxic on here. I’ve avoided them for years and wish I had avoided this one too but it just got to me. They always end up with health warnings and NHS costs, people denying the existence of fat shaming and/ or anti-fat bias and some whataboutery about skinny shaming (which apparently does definitely unquestionably exist). This thread has proved to be no different.

It’s a nasty, toxic thread, with every fat shaming bully on MN piling in with their bile.

Obesity is not a "choice" for 99.9% of those struggling with it

As someone who is morbidly obese , I find this statement very patronising. Of course I have a choice, nobody is pinning me to the floor and pouring liquid calories down my neck on a daily basis! I am morbidly obese because I have over a period of 8 years put far more calories in my body than it actually needed, it being a very clever machine, has stored those calories in subcutaneous fat cells in the event that at some point in the future I experience a famine (no deal Brexit )or just stop eating so much and move a lot more, so can use up that stored energy.

Please don't think that you speak for all morbidly obese people, some of us aren't as daft as we are fat looking

So are we saying that being fat/overweight/big is not a choice for the majority of those people? Really?

@Alsohuman

Urgh it’s not fat shaming though is it?
The NHS released statistics linking obesity and cancer and activist groups claimed that was ‘fat shaming’ - what it actually is is ‘We don’t want to admit it’s a serious problem! So want to make you the villain for talking about it!’

And I say that as somebody who has been SEVERLEY obese! It didn’t feel healthy- it was not pleasant - I KNEW it was wrong and I was unhealthy but yes throwing around ‘fat shaming’ is easier than dealing with the problem!

YANBU but you do need help. I'm sorry you feel so low.

Can you find some time to focus on yourself? Maybe someone who can babysit for a couple hours of week so you can spend some time on yourself, maybe go back to yoga or maybe some swimming?

I do understand your frustration but self love begins with you.

Best of luck. X

What No baggy pants said. Do what makes you feel best.

What happens to our bodies when we eat certain types or amounts of food is purely done to genetics and luck. What we choose to do with that information once we have worked that out, often in the face of the medical profession and the diet industry, is to some extent a choice.

Trying to do something about it is definitely a choice. Actually being physically and mentally able to do so is another.

This whole thread is the online equivalent of standing next to a person who is larger than you and saying “at least I am not as fat as that”

Maybe just worry about your own body and not other people’s? Radical I know