AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

I think it sounds like you are unhappy with your current figure and are projecting your unhappiness onto everyone who doesn’t fit your view of what is attractive. You’re also making some broad assumptions about fat people’s thoughts (fixation on food - not true, and I know plenty of thin people who could be accused of the same!), and not all fat people hide or edit themselves out of pictures. People of any size can have issues with their appearance, so stop projecting, and focus on getting yourself back to a position where YOU feel happier.

@Tallgreenbottle what a nasty person you are. Why should we be worried about weight? We should be worried that disgusting people like you exist.
Hope your comments made you feel better. Maybe you also have self esteem issues where you have to out others down.
If you ha e to swear you ha e already lost battle by showing your sheer stupidity to not answer respectfully and intelligently.

Laughing at you.

I was a size 32 3 years ago. I'm now a size 18. I"ve internet dated the whole time and never been short of compliments about how gorgeous I am. Nor short of a date or a relationship.

Am I happy/happier in my body now? yes.
And I am still am a big beautiful woman. I do love my body with all its wobbly bits. The people I date love it too because I am uninhibited. Naked doesnt scare me. My body gives me joy.
There are sisters out there with odd shaped bits, wobbly bits, firm bits, uneven bits. Our partners and lovers love us regardless because we love ourselves for who we are.

There will always be those who judge other sisters for being too thin too fat too made up, dressing too young, Meh. Let them.

As RuPaul says " If you cant love yourself..."

Fat is a descriptor. I call myself fat because I dont have any negative associations with it, the same way I would call myself tall, or blonde.

Im sorry that some of you really hate how you look. Maybe try following some body positive instagram accounts?

I remember being a size 10/12 before I had kids thinking I was fat. 30 years on two kids size 16/18 going through the change I hate it. Never look good in anything. Why I used to think I was fat before is beyond on. But there are people out there who are big, look good and are very happy in themselves.

I haven't read all 17 pages so sorry if this has been said before, and for my negative view.
This topic is very important, imo, and people tend to skirt round the real issue.
We live in a NE town which has been 'socially deprived' for centuries.
Over the last 30+ years the council has spent a lot of money brightening the place up. But after an absence of 20 years or so I'm horrified to see the people walking around. I shop in the morning and see that they're mostly either very thin - smokers mainly - or obese, pushed around in wheelchairs by kindly partners or carers. Or on the way to that. I feel so sorry fort them and for the medical staff who are going to have to care for them.
It's not just big is beautiful it's what it can lead to.

No. I disagree.

People are beautiful. Any size is beautiful. Skinny can be beautiful, average size can be beautiful, big can be beautiful.

Overweight is not healthy and shouldn't be anyone's goals.
But overweight does not equal ugly. Overweight people are just as beautiful as anyone else

OP I haven’t read the whole thread. Apologies as I know that annoys people! I just wanted to tell you I know exactly how you feel. I was always a size 10 and relatively happy that way. I put on a bit of weight after uni, but not much. Half a stone maybe. Then in my 30s another half a stone went on. I was only a size 12, but I’m short and definitely not one of those who carries curves well. Some people do. My stepsister looks glorious as a size 12. I was all chins and wobbly thighs! Then kids came along and another stone went on and I was up another dress size. I hated it! But I did something about it and I went on the 5:2 and 6 months in and I’d lost all of it. I was went down to pre-uni weight and was a size 8! I bloody loved it. I got a whole new wardrobe, I felt great! I stayed that way for 3 years, but all of a sudden at the start on 2018 I just let it go!! I was furious with myself. I’d try really hard for a week, then reward myself and overeat at the weekend. I’d exercise a bit, but not enough! I put on 2 dress sizes. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t bothered. I was still only a size 12. I deserved to enjoy social occasions and the good and drink surely?! Everything in moderation, right? And why are we so focused on skinny?! These are the things I told myself. Like your “big is beautiful” mantra. But I didn’t believe those things. I hated photos of me. I hated going clothes shopping. I didn’t want to get dressed up and go out for my birthday. I felt fat and unattractive and I fucking hated it!
Well, after a lightbulb moment which went like this “I am not one of those people who will ever be able to make peace with bring bigger than I want to be, so I need to find a way of working at this every single day”. And I did. I set my alarm for 5am every day (I’m an easily riser anyway!), I left weights for half an hour followed by a 15-20 HIIT session. I go out for a run in the evenings 2-3 times a week as well. I fast two days per week and I’m bloody careful on the other days. I absolutely do not reward myself with food. I make healthy delicious small meals which I thoroughly enjoy eating. And I make sensible choices if we go out. This is working. I love my body. I have muscles. Biceps and a six pack!! I am happy. I am healthy. I feel sexy. I can run for miles. It takes work but for me it is absolutely worth it!
This is s long post and I’m sorry for that. I want you to know that you can do this. Do not give up. Not ever. The more you stick at it the easier it gets. The reward is not stuffing secret food in your mouth (I’ve been there!) it’s how you’ll feel. Find a way to make it your lifestyle and be honest about what you know you won’t stick to. No point pretending you’ll get up at 5am if early mornings aren’t your thing! Get some exercise 5 days a week. Not walking. Proper exercise. A 15 minute run. A YouTube HIIT.
You’ve reached the tipping point. Be positive, be strong. You’ve got this!!!!!

All your reasons why we shouldn’t be overweight are absolutely valid.

I am overweight and I wouldn’t rather not be and I do try and fail to lose weight a lot and all you say is true.

However, I still feel very attractive and people are still attracted to me in spite of the weight. So I still feel somewhat beautiful though I am more attractive when I am slimmer for sure.

You sound very down on yourself and when I did lose weight the last time I had to hit rock bottom first.

Have you considered something like WW and couch to 5k? We was the only thing that worked for me and I did keep it off for years.

p.s I also feel significantly more comfy on a beach in a swimming costume than I do in clothes.

Lots of typos, sorry!!

I am not big in fact im small but certainly not beautiful and at the moment not fit either.However larger women do comment that I mustnt eat much but I do.I lost a stone last year because I needed to for my frame but it takes alot of effort.For a smaller person to lose weight is hard just as it is for a bigger person.At the end of the day its about how you feel about yourself and if its not great then changes need to be made but its hard

Think its different for everyone. I feel beautiful and healthy under 13st6, after that point the wheels start to come off. Yet theres people bigger than me i would describe as stunning, and no doubt i am disgusting to many at this weight. Fuck 'em. ;)

Shit the bed! This thread will not end well. 😂

You sound dangerously like you are defending the massive over consumption of sugar here.

WHAT? You're barking, moon. Cutting out entire food groups is not a good idea unless you've been diagnosed with a food intolerance or allergy. It's not the 1950s anymore, people ate a range of foods back then, not just 'no carbs' and yes, they smoked a lot more. Not using one's common sense and eating a balanced diet and range of foods is stupid. Eating a load of high-fat foods isn't good for cardiovascular health.

I agree with you mostly.

I’ve seen ‘big’ people look toned, which is beautiful and healthy looking.

I am a size 8-10, used to be 6 but not skinny - im quite short, but as of now I have a lot of cellulite and just don’t feel healthy therefore not as confident.

I do however think that there’s this line which is a very difficult at the moment with accepting people as who they are and what they look like with all this mental health awareness, and giving some people the green light to carry on with unhealthy lifestyles. Obesity is a big drain on the NHS (not saying it’s the only lifestyle choice that is responsible).

Things such as drugs and alcohol are as well but those that can do something about it aren’t and it’s has an immediate and knock on effect on kid as so as they are conceived and in the longer term as they grow up into adults starting another cycle.

It’s up to each individual to be honest with themselves about the way they are - are they super skinny or severely overweight through their control of food or just that way genetically.

I have always been slim round the top and bigger (although only noticeable to me) round the thighs. I have always had cellulite and it looks worse on thinner people. I’m now bigger than I’d like to be and very uncomfortable, nothing fits, feel awful. As I’m tall it’s not noticeable but I feel disgusting. I think it’s how you feel in yourself. If you know you need to eat less choc or smaller portions and exercise more to make you feel better it’s in your hands as bloody hard as it’s may be

@DishingOutDone

You are nasty as they come. You sit behind your phone and basically have asked people to bully the OP of the other post. Are you 7???

Have a thought for other people. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Ignorant and something else that I wouldn’t want to say here.

Go back under your rock

@CollaterlyS1sters - why? I'm calling out all the cuntish opinions on here which people are defending to the hilt. Surely they want those opinions shouted loudly from the rooftops ... if they are valid? Why be shy?

(Anyway I have made my point so I've asked for it to be deleted)

Reported BTW

No, I've asked those who think their opinions are valid to share them widely. Lots of people on here saying any form of body positivity is wrong. Now you're saying that expressing those opinions IS bullying.

Which is what I said in the first place.

@LordRudolphVII. You weren't wrong there.

I’m not at all saying expressing your opinions is wrong.

But to vilify a MN and to ask others to do the same is not expressing an opinion it’s bullying.

Had you not used words such as ‘fat woman threatening’ and ‘TAKE HER DOWN’
and perhaps used your post objectively to simply say ‘please go to this post and give your opinion’ it wouldn’t have been a problem.

You may not think big is not beautiful but you don’t need to wear someone down in the process.

If you’re so sure of your post why have you taken it down?