AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

Odd take from this, Klobluchar, no my partner hasn’t had any complaints made against him by anyone of any size. Not sure how that’d be relevant either way though!

And unfortunately for you, I don’t hate fat people. I have best friends who are obese. I don’t hate anyone. I do recognise that being obese is detrimental to health, that there’s an absolute wealth of evidence proving that, and that a society growing steadily more obese (both adults and kids!) isn’t good for anyone, leads to more health issues, bigger strain on the NHS, lower quality of life and so forth. And it’s nuts to try and pretend otherwise. You can be aware of that without hating any individual person for their size. Just like I’m sure you can have an opinion on smoking without hating smokers (well, I know I can, obviously I don’t know you at all).

The subreddit is great. You should check it out before heaping judgment. Makes a lot of valid points and someone needs to challenge the nonsense that is HAES, the part of the body positivity movement that’s been co opted by fat activists who shout down doctors with years of medical training and evidence based research for ‘fat shaming’ and the people glorifying obesity as a desirable lifestyle choice. Which is easy to do when you’re still healthy enough not to feel the effects yet (or a healthy size), not quite as easy when you’re in hospital having a heart attack due to being morbidly obese or immobile as your knees can’t sustain your own weight. It’s a miserable way to live.

I don't think that very big is attractive but as long as people are toned they can look pretty good even if a bit over the "healthy" BMI. I am at the bottom of the "healthy" range and would like to be bigger with more muscle. Not many people think they have a great figure, I suspect.

I think thin people often eat unhealthily too as I'm sure has been pointed out. Firstly because we are not worried about the calories in junk food and secondly if you want to put on weight but haven't got a big appetite it can be tempting to go for high calorie food which is often not healthy.

Do you think your large friends don’t already know all this, though? It’s nice that you’re so concerned for their health, I’m sure they appreciate you telling them all this on a regular basis to try and get them to lose weight.

It depends. Skinny isn't always healthy. At size 8 in my youth I ate crap & did no exercise. For me, a stone overweight was OK & not too bad, but now I've gone past that it's not the best look, I miss my waist, my boobs look massive & not in a good way: & you're risking diabetes etc. I'm doing a you tube 7min workout twice a day every day & cut out the daily choc & cake. I feel so much better, my waist is returning & I've lost an inch off my boobs. If someone as terminally lazy as me can exercise & eat healthier, anyone can.

Everybody, literally everybody, knows that being overweight carries health risks. We don’t need to be told that again. Beauty is nothing to do with health, and is subjective. Everyone should be able (and encouraged) to feel good about themselves, accept themselves, enjoy dressing up, being in photos etc regardless of size or other aspects of appearance. There’s more to us than our weight.

At the end of the day, my belief is people do not tell fat people they are unhealthy because they care about their health. But thats a whole other debate!

Butters, how cynical of you. Of course every comment about another person’s weight comes from a position of deep concern for another person’s health. How could you suspect otherwise?

I think it’s lovely people are so concerned about our health that they need to let us know. Thin saviours forever!

I wish people could be kinder to themselves and to each other, I really do. My experience is that people do not take care of themselves when they hate themselves. Why would you take care of something you loathed and despised? I have been overweight for most of my life and I am healthiest and happiest when I don't hate myself for it. I am actually trying to lose weight for health reasons, but I don't hate myself for being fat. If I only manage to lose a quarter of the weight that ideally I need to lose that will still be better than not losing anything, and if I don't lose anything but I'm exercising more and making healthier food choices then that will still be better than not having done those things.

I strongly believe that people in general should support each other to love themselves and take care of themselves, and hating yourself and/or other people for not being your idea of good looking or healthy is not the way to do that.

And if I didn't manage to make any healthy choices at all, I'd still be a kind, likeable person who tries to live a decent life, and who is loved (and, in the case of my husband, fancied) by the people who matter in her life.

It doesn't matter whether or not you personally think I'm beautiful, OP. It's OK if you find the fact that I'm big unattractive. But if you actually care about other people's wellbeing, you'll keep that sort of comment to yourself, and concentrate on being the person you want to be and surrounding yourself with people who you care about and who care about you.

I spent a long time hating on myself for being overweight; now I'm lighter but still overweight hovering between 11st7lb & 12st, constantly on a diet, trying to exercise but on so much medication that has the side effect of making me very sleepy.

My weight is reducing lb by lb very slowly now.
I could still hate myself but I looked at the (actually bigger) girls in the Simply Be adverts and thought why can't I just be confident as I am while I'm losing weight rather than putting my life on hold for months?

So I wear my best clothes now including mini skirts, short shorts & bikinis (luckily I have toned legs anyway thanks to the gym & hours spent walking round at work).
I go to nice places & I know I'm as attractive as anyone else.

I think what I'm saying is that life is too short to hate yourself it really is.

Klobluchar
intersting that you think that anyone having expressed an opinion is not overweight, why do you think that is?

It's very easy to point the finger and have opinions about people and their weight when really for the most part, it's none of your business.

I have a genetic fat condition called lipoedema which means that this rogue fat can not be dieted or exrecised away. Yes, it's a real thing, it's even on the NHS web site...here's a link www.nhs.uk/conditions/lipoedema/ It's thought that up to 11% of ladies have this condition.

Along with having this physical condition, it causes eating disorders and mental health issues as people like your good self are constantly telling us what we are doing wrong, and how it's just a matter of cutting calories and exercising more.If only life was that simple!!

So yes, 89% of the female population don't have this condition but please think about the messages you are really sending out 'you are not good enough', 'you are not pretty enough', 'you do not conform to what i consider normal', 'you are not worthy', 'you are weak'

I don’t actually. I used to feel that way about myself and judged other fat people, especially those larger than me.

“Thin Saviour” is definitely a thing, though. Most fat people have been experiencing their ‘help’ for some time.

redcarbluecar

why do i say people dont actually care about our health?

Because they dont police slim bodies for health.

Because when sportswear companies launch plus size lines we are told its promoting obesity.

Because when fat people go to the gym we are still mocked at and filmed.

@loopy42 Wow! You look amazing in that Bikini! I am also size 22 and due to my shape I couldn't possibly wear a Bikini. My tummy hangs down too much. So jealous!

Love love love your post! Thankyou for sharing that photo xx

I'm very overweight due to my disability which is often invisible. Am disgusted if this is what people are thinking about me when they see me :(

HappyLoneParentDay you are BEAUTIFUL! Your body is amazing. Do not let anyone make you feel inferior because they are hateful and insecure.

Bollocks to obese women looking like obese men - when I was obese it all went on my hips, boobs and thighs. I kept a small waist. Reubens would probably have loved me.

Although it was next to impossible to buy any clothing that still had a waist, presumably because manufacturers do think obese = shapeless.

I'm not entirely sure some of the people on this thread know what obesity looks like. They seem to be envisioning people who are extremely obese.

"Butters, how cynical of you. Of course every comment about another person’s weight comes from a position of deep concern for another person’s health. How could you suspect otherwise?"

Seriously??

Big is definitely not beautiful in my case, I’m fat & ugly & my DH won’t come anywhere near me I’m in a sexless marriage now, I’m sad & lonely so guess what I do? I eat lots. I’m pretty active walk on average 5 miles a day but I just eat & eat I can’t break the cycle I’ve been overweight all my adult life. Mainly due to depression the reason I eat x

I'm fat - size 22 - and yes, I call it fat.
You sound like you hate yourself, which is a shame.
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc.. Really? That's an eating disorder, and I urge you to get help.
I genuinely do not do that.
Being fat and being ugly are not the same thing. My body's not beautiful, but I wouldn't call it ugly. My face is not ugly.
Being fat is not 'fashionable' How do I know? I've never met a slim person who aspires to be fat.
I'm sorry you're so unhappy at the moment.

I’d say I’m “big” uk size 18, five feet 6inches tall
I train 7 tines a week, I’ve just completed a half marathon and I cane second in the gym strong woman contest (56 contestants)
I’m not unhealthy, I don’t fixate on food and I think I look pretty good in clothes
I’m probably healthier than 90% of my “thin” friends and I have a resting heart rate of 56 BPM
Bring fat and bring unhealthy don’t go hand in hand. The same way being thin and healthy don’t