AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

It's funny people have been told so many times now that harassing fat people about being fat just keeps them fat through embarrassment to exercise in public and comfort eating at home...

Yet people want to keep insisting that we should make sure fat people know how unacceptable they are.

I guess as it is juxtaposed in this thread it was never about health or helping fat people, but rather just a rallying call for bullies. 🤔

these threads i think shut be shut down from the off.its fucking depressing to see the attitudes of some people.and to other is will be downright damaging.
and some of the nutrition bullshit that is spread,if that gets into vulnerable peoples minds will not help on health matters

It's funny people have been told so many times now that harassing fat people about being fat just keeps them fat through embarrassment to exercise in public and comfort eating at home...

Yet people want to keep insisting that we should make sure fat people know how unacceptable they are.

Yep, they just keep powering earnestly on.

When I put on half an ounce my husband threatens divorce, and so he should! Keeps me on track. Fat people should feel shame, and self-hate, it's the only way they'll ever improve.

As I said before, the only thing that's kept me going through 18m of strenuous exercise and self deprivation is robust self-esteem!

@Alsohuman so you don't eat fruit or veg?

YANBU. The fat activism/body positivity movement is just insane. Promoting that being dangerously overweight is something to celebrate. There’s so much cognitive dissonance going on; I’ve never met a slim person who used to be fat who hasn’t admitted that they hated being big and their life is much better being a healthy weight. I went out with some friends a couple months ago and two of them are morbidly obese, they both had to ask everywhere we went ‘is it far to walk?’ as their knees literally couldn’t take walking for more than a quarter of a mile. One of them is on the verge of eyesight damage due to his cholesterol levels and has diabetes. It’s frightening what people will do to abuse their own bodies and I worry for the generation of children growing up absorbing the message that being overweight is fine, admirable even, and that anyone who disagrees is fatphobic.

And don’t even get me started on the anti medical nonsense that is the ‘health at every size’ movement, my god. Calling medical professionals ‘bigots’ and ‘fatphobic’ for pointing out the evidence that some health conditions will be greatly improved by weight loss. If you go to your doctor for help with your health and then chew them out online because they told you you need to lose weight for the sake of your health you’re a lunatic.

There’s a great subreddit called ‘fatlogic’ which sheds a light of light on how crazy and irrational all of this ‘big is beautiful’ nonsense is.

I'm a plus size model. I berate myself enough about how fat/ugly I am without other people doing it for me
And I don't secret eat or stuff my face, I do have disordered eating which manifests as starving myself when I am berating myself about my body or if someone makes a comment

JemimaPuddlePeacock are you a doctor? Have you studied or researched any actual scientific findings around health of fat people? I am going to go out on a limb and say...no.

@Eaudear you're so right. Fortunately I have been a hypocrate and fed my family healthy food whilst secretly munching all things unhealthy. Luckily also my DH is sporty so he has been doing all the football playing and bike riding in the park whilst I've been sat on a park bench helping myself to a secret bag if jelly babies. It is embarrassing now that you say it out loud. Also for my DCs sake I ought to be a better role model.

@Grumpbum123 You summed up well how I feel, but I went from 8.6 to 13.2 because of bloody medication. 3 stone in 3 months at the beginning - but I have to stay on the meds😢 size 8-10, to 16-18.

I read conception/TTC/pregnancy subreddits. And you wouldn’t believe the number of posters actively encouraging obese women to throw caution to the wind and try for a baby rather than lose weight first and then try. The risks are very well known. There’s a chapter in a book called Expecting Better by Ostler which lays out the evidence around what conceiving a child while obese can do to you and the baby. For example, an infant’s chances of dying from SIDS are significantly higher when their mother was obese at conception than for infants whose mothers were a normal weight. The risks of shoulder dystocia, haemorrhage at birth, gestational diabetes etc are all well known but I do wonder whether women have fully educated themselves on how getting pregnant while obese will literally increase their baby’s risk of SIDS beyond the birth, surely not or it’d be so selfish to go ahead with it? I’ll get slated for this but if you can’t delay TTC for 6-12 months to reach a healthy weight (even just being overweight not obese helps) surely you’re not ready enough to become a mother and put your child’s needs at least level with your own.

You have a point, OP, but you should be extremely careful how you express it.
I was obese and I absolutely hated it, however I was very careful not to project my own feelings on to other people. I feel a million times better now I've lost the weight, but I'm not going to tell other people they will too, unless they specifically ask for advice, or for other people's experiences and opinions (and there are plenty of threads just like this).
Again, it's fine to discuss obesity as an issue, but not to make it personal.

A subreddit about how fat people can’t be healthy? That sounds like it will be full of really lovely people, doesn’t it? Fancy even knowing that exists, let alone promoting it as a good thing on another forum.

Honestly, again, why the fuck do you care about other people’s health or lack of it? It is absolutely none of your business.

DishingOutDone
I am not confused at all, I was just mocking your post where you took half a sentence out of context and made fun of it. Didn't you get that?

Well done you for starting a thread on AIBU< what an achievement!

It's tragic that you can't point basic facts without people trying to close thread downs, accuse you of fat shaming and being unreasonable.

Butters83 there are plenty of health conditions related to obesity, and the research to back it up. No one needs to be a doctor to know that.
That doesn't mean overweight/obese people can't improve their health outcomes by making other changes (eg not smoking, increasing exercise) but the excess weight will still be a factor. That is undeniable.

Butters83 no, not a doctor, though I am a healthcare professional (which is as much as I’m willing to disclose online), but yes I have read plenty around health issues while overweight and obese. I live with a doctor and spend a lot of time socially and professionally with medics and outside of the bizarre HAES movement and body positive Instagram posts the risks of being overweight and obese are very well known.

Did you see the backlash against cancer research U.K. when their billboards educating the public that obesity has now overtaken smoking as the primary cause of major cancers? I truly believe everyone has the right to love themselves and to conduct their health in whatever way they want to, but trying to distort the truth and promote obesity and being overweight as being no less dangerous than being a healthy weight is dangerous. People can do what they like to their own bodies and face the consequences. But trying to convince others that being obese isn’t dangerous or detrimental to health in any way is wrong.

Klobluchar its goal is actually to provide a response to the ridiculous claims of the fat positive movement, it doesn’t allow nasty mocking posts of any individual or about fat individuals. It’s a refreshing counterpoint to the bizarre claims of some fat activists who’d have you believe that a doctor who points out you need to lose weight for your own health or to improve a condition is ‘fatphobic’ and bigoted.

Jubba

Show us a pic of you bikini bod then

Seriously why is your rather floating post in any way shape or form relevant

but congrats on your hot bod

feelingverylazytoday it’s typical to expect people with one viewpoint (that differs from their own) to have to possess a medical degree to share their own perspective, while being perfectly happy for other posters (who share their viewpoint) to share theirs 🙄 thankfully it’s MN, open to all, and anyone can give their opinion irrespective of professional qualifications!

I’m the same as tequilasunrises 5’8” and size 8/10 but not toned at all, so I wobble in all the wrong places and have a little muffin top in whatever I wear unless it’s slightly too big because the flesh on my hips is so soft that any waistband just squishes it in if that makes sense. I bought my first ever bikini last week though and managed to wear it in a public pool though so I’m working on my body confidence!

@SummerSummerSummer, I've not read your entire thread but your op sums up how I feel.

I know I am fat and unhealthy with it. Although I know there can be larger people who are also a lot healthier than me.

It's how it makes me feel which is important. And quite frankly, I am lazy and enjoy poor food choices far too much.

But I am also miserable with how I look in photos. So this summer I am kicking my butt into gear again. I've done it once. When I was a lot smaller. And dh once told me if I ever reached a size 16 he'd divorce me. Thankfully he was joking as my size 18-20 self can attest. But I'm not happy with myself and the only person who can do anything about it is me.

@SweetNorthernRose, I eat loads of veg, no fruit except berries.

JemimaPuddlePeacock please define promoting obesity

Given your inability to respond to/acknowledge anything else in the lengthy response I wrote back to you Butters83, I think I’ll pass on answering questions for you

obesity and morbid obesity are potential killers and NEVER a good look on anyone