AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

The point is though that losing weight takes time and in my eyes and others on here requires the person feeling good about themselves.
I had a surprise pregnancy with a high BMI. Was no co and by 12 week booking had lost weigh. Yet the midwife kepti going on abiut it and basically daod I shouldn't gain any weight during the whole pregnancy. Did it work? Well it mafe me reach for cake that I hadn't wanted before.

I think sudden changes to your body are really hard to deal with because then you don’t feel like ‘you’.
I promise you can be slim and unhealthily obsessed with food. That just sounds like you have a somewhat unhealthy attitude to food (not judging - been there) but that can happen whatever size you are.
Of course it depends on how big but being big isn’t actually the same as being unhealthy. I think we are accustomed to extreme skinniness from images in the media and so perceive something as normal and healthy which is only healthy for a minority of people.
If you are struggling with stairs do start some workout routine but concentrate on how strong and capable it makes your body not what size it makes you. And buy clothes that fit? No one has ever felt good it clothes that don’t.

There are some very misguided/ignorant/downright incorrect comments on here about healthy weight ranges, BMI, diets etc, which is probably the reason so many people have such an unhealthy attitude to food and their own self-image and worth.
BMI is just one of many ways of measuring a healthy weight, and a pretty simplistic one at best. It takes no account of muscle mass for example.
A low/no-carb/high fat diet will not necessarily prevent you from gaining weight. What utter nonsense! Carbs are essential for brain function if nothing else. As someone up thread said, people 50 years ago didnt eat more healthily they just ate less.
The maths is simple, burn more calories than you consume and you will lose weight. Doesn't matter where those calories come from.
Eat less (not less bread, less pasta, less chocolate, just less) and move more. It really is that easy (in theory anyway!).

With obesity now linked to cancer as well as heart disease, no one can say it's a healthy lifestyle option.

My brain’s working perfectly @Sweetnorthernrose, I haven’t eaten carbs for 11 years.

Hmm, I'm really torn on this one.

I do think that being overweight is unhealthy and we shouldn't lie about that
And I don't think saying it's totally fine to be a size 20 is necessarily the way forwards either - it's obviously not ideal in terms of health risks

BUT

I don't think that anyone's self-worth should be tied to their appearance or state of health
I don't think size has anything to do with beauty - beauty is subjective
Making people feel bad about themselves is not going to help anyone lose weight
And lastly I think that being very overweight is not some sort of moral failing, or failure of will-power, but very much due to emotional and societal factors

OP is unreasonable, and fatphobic, and needs to stay in her lane.

My DM tends to be very judgemental about weight eg she would walk past someone & say “ 5” for the number of stone she thought they needed to lose! I have struggled with my body image for years because she put me on diets that I didn’t need 😞. This has made me the opposite to her & I try very hard not to judge. It’s certainly not about being skinny but about your health. I have put on nearly 2 stone over the last few months due to my alcohol consumption & I know that I looked much better when I was slimmer. I’m quite bloated now & my cellulite has got worse. And I hate that some of my fav clothes don’t fit me properly. So I need to take action. Big can be beautiful but for me personally, I feel & look better when I’m smaller. Height makes a difference too as I’m only just over 5ft 2”

OP... thank you for raising this question. The fact that you have received so many replies shows it something that needs to be thought about. :)

Being overweight does NOT look good; it just doesn't. Or maybe is does if you carry you're weight like all of the body positivity models- I.e big thighs, hips and bum, but not if you carry your weight like a man, in your gut, which strangely enough the body positivity movement seems to neglect.

I am the latter and look atrocious, and truly miss the times that a size 8 was too big for me.

So @buttertoasty, essentially it’s not about size or weight at all, but about body shape? Which basically screws most post menopausal women as decreased oestrogen steals your waist.

Like you, i used to be obnoxious about this (keen swarthy ultra runner, health freak) then I met a very obese man who is the sexiest thing alive, is an amazing shag and basically the mere sight of his amazing warm body makes me happy.

Good grief big people are sexy.

@buttertoasty that's how I carry my weight, all on my bum, hips and thighs. People say I look thinner than I am and I know it's down to this. Still makes me miserable though (and losing weight)

@Alsohuman that was mainly my slight at the body positivity movement, when was the last time you saw a woman like me who has a huge stomach?

@Treaclepie19 yes you definitely look thinner if you don't carry weight on your stomach. However it's up to you what you perceive to be your best self.

People telling me I look slim and OK is partly what got me to put on so much weight so I am ignoring everyone now and dropping three stone.

Some people are happy in their skin. Some aren't.

@thedayofthethreeMagnums - you're confused! Let me explain - fat ugly birds was a play on the title of my new AIBU thread - Fat Birds are Ugly - wherein I am definitely not being U, and you are invited to contribute (its invitation only). Definitely need people like you on it, who despite a long thread wherein many people say struggling with weight is not a choice and that no one in their right mind thinks hey lets neck a family sized pack of lard because plus size model appears on a magazine cover, are still trying to present your prejudice as a valid concern.

In the meantime, you and OP might be interested to see this thread where another poster is asking people to kick her for being fat - double whammy today eh? Get in there!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3647130-to-think-people-avoid-fat-people?pg=3

I sort of agree.
I've never been overweight but I've been lose to the upper limits of healthy and a lot less fit than I am now.
things I hated about being there:
*having to adjust clothes.

• felling like I had to cover up my body *chaffing thighs *sweaty underboob *out of breath when walking fast/running
• feeling tired *massively self consious
• cellulite *never finding jeans that fit *waistbands that dig in *feeling wobbly. *concious of roundface/chubby chin.

It's not UGLY but it didn't make me feel good about myself at all.

I know look after myself really weel, eat healthy, excercise.
Eating 'clean' made me feel clean, gave me more energy and stopped my thinking about food and craving things.
I did learn that acceptance wasn't a size though. By looking after my body I learned to respect it and appreciate it for everything that it does for me. I get one body to carry me through life I want to love it and care for it

If you looked at a fit female and a fit male standing next to each other, they would be a picture of sexual dimorphism in humans.

Now stand an obese female next to an obese male. They are the exact opposite of the fit couple. Fat makes you angrogynous. It hides curves in female bodies and hides angles in male bodies. Obese men and women look very similar to each other, their secondary sexual characteristics disappear. Their faces lose definition and unique features, often morphing into a generic fat face. There's nothing beautiful about that.

to the poster having a go at healthcare staff for being overweight. Shift work, which many of them do for many years, has been demonstrated to be one of the worst things for health, including weight gain, be grateful that they are sacrificing themselves for others.

The OP mixes up big with unfit. I am big. I’m a short size 14. There’s no doubt I’m overweight.
But I don’t get out of breath easily! - I regularly run half marathons and trails and hills.
I don’t love how I look. I’d rather be slimmer, clothes would sit better and am sure I’d run faster if I was BUT I’d rather be me than an unfit skinny person with thigh gap and prominent hip and collar bones.

I'm with you on this one OP., in some ways.
I'm 5ft 2 and 61kg and my belly spills over my jeans after 2 kids in short succession.
I swear the only toned part of me is my hands 😫

I just went out to the shops and I wore jeans and a loose fitting top and cardigan because I truly hate my body and I do think that seeing someone's flab and cellulite just isn't attractive so I don't show mine.

I've never been one to show it though and I don't know how to swim purely because I'm ashamed of my body!

I am envious of those who don't give a shit, but I just do. I'm hoping to turn it around and change my weight and opinion of myself for my daughter, I don't want her to have low self esteem and confidence like I do.

good lord

THIN PEOPLE CAN BE UNHEALTHY

FAT PEOPLE CAN BE UNHEALTHY

EVERYONE DIES

LOTS OF PEOPLE THINK FAT IS BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT IT BEING A FETISH

HOW HEALTHY SOMEONE IS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND DOESNT MEAN YOU SHOULD TREAT THEM WITH LESS RESPECT

gordon bennett!

The only body you have an opinion on is yours.

On MN there is a lot of emphasis on kids being a healthy weight and how important that is, how we have lost sight of what a healthy weight child looks like, how kids don't do enough exercise these days etc.

But then with adults it seems to go the opposite way?

Your ideas on how all “big” people feel about food are wrong, unhealthy and damaging. Just because it’s what you do, doesn’t mean it’s for all, even once you are thin again you will still feel the same way

You need help to reset your relationship with food.

Fat doesn’t have to be unhealthy either. It can be. But a lot of people live very healthily with proper blood work.