AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

its also worth pointing out as a fattie & ling time smoker (before i quit) smokers dont experience the same level of judgment from medical professionals even in pregnancy (yes really) even irt passive smoking i never got shamed for smoking so ive always seen this attitude to fat ppl as the veil it is.

You’re acting like fat people aren’t aware their size may affect their health

but the truth is there's a worrying trend trying to change the message.

You see it on these threads all the time, statements such as "the average UK woman is a size 14 -16 so it's a perfectly fine size to be". The average UK woman might be, but if the average UK woman was a smoker, it wouldn't make it any more acceptable.

Embrace your "curves", put fat-looking mannequins in the shops, big is beautiful.. it's a very worrying trend.

I don't want my kids to be obsessed with diets, we are pretty relax at home and I don't spend my life talking about weight-loss diets at home. I also do not want them to think for a second that junk food and piling on the pounds is the normal thing to do either.

Just because we are served bigger and bigger portions doesn't mean we have to eat them, and no, being overweight is not ok.

Being obese just makes everything you do harder for your body, so someone who weighs 9 stone runs up the stairs, when I run up the stairs ( and yes I still can, just !) I am a 9 stone person carrying a 9 stone person and that is true 24 hrs a day during every task or bit of exercise I do, not just for an hour or so at the gym. Its hard work , if you don't believe me stick 24 1 litre bottles of fizzy Italian water in a rucksack and carry it around with you all day, that should give you an idea of what it feels like to be me

Big can be beautiful. It isn't inherently beautiful, there's a difference. Much like overweight people can be healthy, and can be unhealthy

Beauty is over-rated. Some of the saddest, most insecure people I know are absolutely gorgeous (and slim).

Focus on being happy instead. If that involves losing weight then lose weight. But don't over-obsess or use it as a stick to beat yourself with.

I have always regarded beauty to be a facial thing, so body size is irrelevant.

You are right...

Healthy is beautiful

But big (there are a few exceptional circumstances), is NOT beautiful

In the same way

Emaciated is not beautiful...

If you are big and there is no medical reason behind it, then you should be trying to lose weight, for health reasons more than anything else.

Bigger can look beautiful. I am the opposite of the op, since having my baby I've unintentionally lost too much weight and now that I've stopped EPing my books are smaller than ever. Sure I can wear what I want but seeing some pics of myself I realise how ill I look. Doesn't help I have re occurring anaemia so I also have a sickly pale face. I look at a lot of bigger women with nice thick thighs and big books as GORGEOUS.

Apparently my phone is a librarian.

slim or fat, at the end of the day it's your choice - almost missed this gem from @thedayofthethreeMagnums

Then we have Captain Obvious: If you are big and there is no medical reason behind it, then you should be trying to lose weight - who knew?

Thank god we have people like this to tell us fat ugly birds where we've gone wrong.

DishingOutDone
you can pick up parts of a sentence when posters are trying to exclaim their point if you want.... How is that helping exactly?

If I do the same with your post, I could say that fat ugly birds is an offensive comment. Oh, there was a context to that statement, was it? There you go.

@SummerSummerSummer I'm afraid I think you do sound like you are fat shaming.

You should make changes to make yourself feel better - you really should. That does not mean making other people feel worse about themselves.

I'm back at a weight I'm happy with and definitely feel better in myself, my clothes etc. But it doesn't make me beautiful because I'm thin.

aybe big isn't always beautiful but if that mantra helps to change the attitude that having a go at overweight people is OK then so be it.

The mean-ness aimed at people that don't "fit", and that includes thin people, is absolutely appalling.

I genuinely don't think anyone can say that someone in the 25+ BMI category looks better than someone in the 19-24 category.

Strongly disagree.

Shape, frame, skin and hair, how someone carries themselves, how they dress, whether or not they are actually good looking all make a difference to how attractive someone looks.

I know beautiful women between sizes 6-20. My size 20 friend has a beautiful natural pout, stunning skin, large, pretty eyes. She's very beautiful indeed, and she has always dressed very well also. Another friend is 5'10", a size 8, fantastic figure.

I have also known flabby, untoned, limp haired, not pretty girls at size 6ish, (who've been flirting with my husband shamelessly ), nope, can't see the appeal.

The idea that smaller is by default more attractive is ridiculous.

I’ve fluctuated my adult life between a 10 and a 14/16.
Honestly I’m still young so it doesn’t ‘stick’ as much, and my fat is distributed in such a way that my stomach is mostly unaffected but my hips, boobs and thighs get bigger.
I DID notice the difference, I’m not blind or stupid, but I didn’t FEEL any different. I didn’t feel like a sweaty, gelatinous mess, I didn’t wobble everywhere and hate myself and I wasn’t gasping for breath.
Now I’m sat somewhere in between I’m not obsessed with food and what I eat, I’m still not out of breath when walking up stairs or hills, I don’t hide what I eat from others I’ll eat what I want, and I have lots and lots of clothes I look pretty fantastic in.
I have two children, and a third on the way, and a lack of sweet tooth have meant I’ve not put on a lb and I am still a 12.
I’m fully expecting to put weight on in my final trimester, but I’m not freaking out, I think eating a healthy diet with a few indulgences and exercising a moderate amount is all you need to concentrate on.
People take it too far one way or another and are bloody miserable, but that is something THEY need to work on.
How can you say you don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings, when in the same breath you are trying to lower a ‘big’ person’s self esteem by stating ‘Big ISN’T beautiful’?
You may feel that way about your body, but I didn’t feel that way when I was ‘big’, neither did my now husband, and nobody felt the need to try and tell me otherwise. Yes, some may agree with you, they look back longingly at their slimmer days and want to be back there, great, go for it! I just don’t see the point in bringing others down?
Overweight people aren’t blind to the fact that fat is unhealthy, it’s absolutely EVERYWHERE! And they sure as shit don’t need you to guide them safely back to the land of healthy eating. Sort out your own issues, and ask for help if you need it, but don’t make a sweeping generalisation.

@thedaypfthethreemagnums

I never said ALL men werent obsessed with how they look I said theyve been ALLOWED to be as fat and ugly as they want. Male actors can get older, gain a bit of weight and their love interest is still a stick thin 20 year old or someone who is still thin and gorgeous. Men can walk around with a beer gut that gets far less attention than a woman who has "let herself go"

Of course some men are thin/care about how they look etc... I dont think you read my post correctly as I definitely wasnt generalising every man on the planet!

The thing that has curbed smoking in this country is basically making it something 'shameful'. Shouting from the rooftops that smoking will probably kill you if you do it too much, banning smoking in public places, putting graphic photos of the effects of smoking onto cigarette packets. It's worked.

Obesity can be just as bad for your health as smoking, but it's not quite as easy a one to solve. Someone eating junk in public doesn't affect anyone else in the same way that someone smoking does. And weight is tied so much more closely to appearance that people are more likely to feel 'shamed' about it, it's more of an issue (see the latest CRUK obesity ads with the cigarette style packets).

But the effects of obesity are real and are becoming an increasing problem.

I put on a stone a couple of years ago with medication. I had already gained a bit of weight before, so I ended up the same weight as I had been at full term with my first child. For me, it wasn't really about how I looked (and when I told people the fact about being the same weight as when I had been full term they didn't believe me), it was how it felt. I felt so gross and sluggish, I could really feel the extra weight I was carrying around. If you pick up a 6kg kettle bell, let alone anything heavier, it's quite heavy! And I thought about the fact that I was carrying that and more around with me all day, my thighs running together, big tummy, generally being quite unfit. It didn't feel nice.

I understand that you are trying to put the question out there and using your own personal experience to explain it. I am sorry you are being attacked for just trying to get an issue explored and discussed.

I've come to believe in life that skirting around issues and lying to yourself is no good at all. Whether it's about believing that a bad relationship will work out one day, you're not really drinking that much or that it's not really smoking if you only do it socially.
What's the point? Are we so sensitive now about weight that we can't take the truth? Why should that be allowed?
I'm not fat-shaming, only stating that the 'big us beautiful' movement is unhelpful and whilst body positivity us great, we should not be fooling ourselves into thinking that it's OK to be fat. My fat bum is NOT beautiful to look at. I'm not talking about personality or other traits. Just the fat. It's not nice.
To all the other overweight people out there (like myself) don't get offended if you feel good and fine! I don't, so it's obviously a big message I have to listen to. And you should figure out why you are feeling so offended..

@mooncuplanding, some people are just plain stupid. You’re right, I lost 20kg on a low carb diet and have never been healthier. I ate as much cheese, butter, Greek yoghurt and fatty meats as I wanted and put double cream in my coffee, no carbs or sugar. The weight tumbled off. Of course eating fats is self limiting, you feel sick if you eat too much.

I dont think the "unhealthy strain on the NHS argument" should be made about overweight people...

1. Who chooses to be overweight? Not many. I bet you a large majority if overweight people have low mood, low self esteem, depression, anxiety or another mental health condition. There can also be physical conditions.

1. If I'm going to start criticising someone for overweight being unhealthy then they could easily turn around and say to my size 8 self that I drink too much, dont exercise enough, eat too much saturated fat, the days where I starve myself to compensate probably take a toll on my heart, I dont do brain exercises to improve brain health when older, I sometimes eat burnt toast or other rumoured carcinogens....... get where I'm going? If we keep berating people for being overweight then why dont our own health problems be put on show? We are all drains on the NHS in some form. What about the fat person verses the woman who has had 5 kids? How do we weigh up the bigger strain? We dont, because its bloody ridiculous. We all pay our taxes and we all have a right to healthcare. Stop berating the overweight because you definitely also could be healthier, their unhealthy choice is just more visable

1. It's the last form of acceptable judgement. We're making progress with racism, progress with sexism, gender and sexual preference issues but we are still fatist and people are less adverse to behaviour that is anti fat. It's okay to say fat is not beautiful but (I use myself for this example in the hope I dont offend) you couldn't say this or an alternative of this "female white skin is not beautiful"

1. People dont like fat people because it's their fear. They dont want to be fat and I'm convinced that's the cause for the irrational hatred but happy for any of the fat haters on here to tell me if there's another reason why they dint like fat people? They're people... get your nose out of their business and live and let live!!!

The truth is being overweight is unhealthy, it doesn't mean people aren't beautiful, but it is. Despite the ancedotal 'im a size 20 and run marathons', it still puts additional strain on your body and your heart. Of course people shouldn't be shamed for being fat, especially those who are due to medical reasons, but there is a line between body positivity which is fab, and putting it out there that being overweight is not harmful to your health. It is everyone's business when it puts additional strain on the health service, and again, bar medical reasons, it's an unhealthy relationship with food which causes it- same for being significantly underweight. There are campaigns to ban models who are unhealthily underweight as they are bad role models, but isn't it just as dangerous to be overweight? It's an emotive subject which is why it can be hard to discuss, I have always been overweight up until a few months ago, and I was always in denial. But the truth is when I look back on what and how much I used to eat it is no wonder my body was struggling to utilise it all and had no option but to store it.

TLDR: of course people who are overweight can be beautiful and many are, but it is unhealthy whichever way you swing it, so what is the balance between body positivity (no one deserves to be shamed just for how they look) and not promoting the idea that it is okay to be overweight as it's not for your health.

The thing that has curbed smoking in this country is basically making it something 'shameful'. Shouting from the rooftops that smoking will probably kill you if you do it too much, banning smoking in public places, putting graphic photos of the effects of smoking onto cigarette packets. It's worked.

But everyone has to eat. You can't go 'cold turkey' from eating. (well, you can, but turkey is still food!).

Most people also have a job, and have somewhere to live that is some distance from that job.

These facts help with smoking (the ability to give up entirely, work being a limiter on time spent smoking, and travel also). Smoking was considered 'cool' and a way to fit in, so shame, and excluding it from other 'cool' areas was a logical way to address that.

But being fat isn't considered cool. People are trying very hard for it being accepted, and there are 'cool' fat people, but it's not something people aspire to achieve. Shame also has negative effects that can be chemically alleviated by rewarding yourself with food!

I have only succeeded in losing weight by being confident and having high self-esteem - achieving a mindset where I feel I deserve the time, effort and expense it has taken to lose weight.

Saying that is the last resort of those who can't lose weight for one reason or another. Most diets are hard to maintain and lead to a massive yoyo. No one other than maybe models and actors should be fussed about being beautiful but being fit and slim really is healthier.

I am not offended by your opinion Summer , even as probably one of the fattest on here, I also don't really believe in the big is beautiful shizazzle either. Do you honestly think that the vast majority of grown ups who are fat, stay fat because some people in the media say big is beautiful ? And lets be honest that media message is tiny compared to the message that only slim is stunning

Good luck with getting fit and healthy and losing the weight you want to lose, just remember judging other people won't help you achieve it