AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

People with health issues deserve the same respect as anyone else. No one has to carry a print out of their last blood tests take a blood pressure test before they’re allowed to go about their business in peace.

"I don't know 1 woman who decided to get fat on purpose from this campaign. No one chooses to be fat. You end up fat because of physical illness, depression or some other underlying issue. I know plenty of women who have starved themselves to look like photoshopped pictures of celebrities or whatever. This faux outrage that now every Victoria Beckham or Kate Moss out there is going to start stuffing their faces with Jaffa cakes because "big is beautiful"... Get a grip."

Fucking THIS.

Just because you saw Tess Holliday on the cover of Cosmo once (as a curiosity, not an attraction) does not mean that being fat is in any way "glorified" or "celebrated", but heaven forbid that anyone committing the heinous crime of being fat has the audacity to not hate themselves.

I've lost about 4 stone over the past few years, though you wouldn't know it to look at me because I'm still fat. And, funnily enough, when I'm feeling good about myself that's when I'm most inclined to watch what I eat and to exercise because I feel that I deserve it. When I feel like a disgusting fat mess that's when I sabotage and over eat, because where's the fucking point? These threads prove time and time again (on a weekly basis it seems) that all the make up, nice clothes and hair cuts will never make me look good because fat = ugly. What I SHOULD be doing is hiding myself away until I magically become a size 8 lest I offend myself with my disgusting, gelatinous self.

So no, I won't hide myself from the camera, I won't stop wearing "nice" clothes, I won't stop styling my hair and doing my make up, because I still have a life to live in the meantime while I become an "acceptable" weight. And yes I probably am over reacting to this but honestly these constant threads are so depressing because despite all my hard work to lose weight, I'm still not good enough.

I’m afraid I’m on the fat is unattractive side. I say this as a fat person losing weight.

The adds for chin rub shorts glorify really very large ladies- if they are happy that’s fine- but I dont think it’s healthy to celebrate such shapes when we’re jn an obesity epidemic.

How are chub rub shorts (I assume that's what you meant) "glorifying" anything?

No one says you have to ‘celebrate’ anything. Just being left the fuck alone without people offering unsolicited opinion on our appearance, mental state, physical health or basic worthiness to exist on this planet would be more than enough. But no.

OP, I feel the same than you, certainly for myself, but I know that mindset is more akin to the 80s. Things have changed and thats how it is. My DD was a skinny kid, borderline unhealthy at times, she then became a lovely slim size 8 girl when massive long legs. Then she we. T to Uni and ce back at least a stone bigger. I think it doesn't suit her at all, she now has cellulitis on her legs, her stomach is rounded, her face too, but she didn't really liked herself slim and thinks she looks better now.

In the end, what matters is how we all feel comfortable in our shoes. That of course doesn't take away from the fact that being overweight has a large impact on our health that too many people opt to live in denial off, but with society encouraging them to be happy about their body, its easier to focus on the positives rsther than the negatives.

Think you need to just focus on yourself op and stop trying to be nasty to all bug people by telling them they are ugly. I’m big but do I care no I don’t I still take pictures of myself and I still dress the way I want why should I hide away just because am not skinny. There is a ring on my finger that says that the man I’m with loves me for who I am fat and all and not for my waistline. You maybe unhappy with the way you look but I’m certainly not so please don’t tar us all with the same brush.

Given you are so unhappy and have been fit in the past , have you thought about what’s holding you back ? I fully emphasise that
Some people are stuck . I know that some people for example were abused and their overeating is a protection against that (as an example of a Complex reason)

But if there is no deep seated emotional issue what do you think is stopping you ? You have been fit and healthy before

It’s not really about being beautiful and slim

It’s about making healthier food choices and building exercise into your life as a fixed part of you life

I think shifting your focus and thinking away from what you look like and more towards life style might help . And if you need to pay for Some support to kick start it
Might be an idea

And Cosmopolitan put Tess Holliday on the cover to make people talk about their magazine, not to ‘glorify obesity’ and certainly not to be inclusive to people of all size. It worked. I mean, who knew Cosmopolitan still published? And who could remember any cover of theirs before this one?

Thanks for your unique insight.

I'm a healthy weight/BMI but still seem to be fixated on my calorie intake as anything over 1300 calories and I start gaining weight (thanks to having a baby), have cellulite and whenever I eat my stomach make me look very pregnant. Sometimes having a baby just changes you, whether you are smaller or bigger.

I'm sorry to read you aren't happy with yourself and please don't edit yourself out of photos. Yes it is unhealthy to be overweight but it's unhealthy mentally to talk about yourself the way you do. Hope you start to feel a bit happier and more positive soon. I am really trying to not care as much but I know it's easier said than done.

Cosentyx

You sound dangerously like you are defending the massive over consumption of sugar here.

And there really weren’t masses of obese people in the UK in the 50s, that’s just not true

gingerbreadsprinkle

What do you want all the "unaccepted" fatties to do until they are acceptable in your presence?

you are completely missing my point - I might have used the wrong word, but my comparison with smokers stands to explain what I meant.
What I mean is let's not kid ourselves that fat = healthy, attractive or a positive in any way.

You wouldn't start a campaign: be proud to be a smoker, smoker and beautiful, would you?

Giving up smoking IS hard. We all know that, but the message is still to try.

No one is saying that losing weight is not hard too, especially for the ones who have been fed horrendous diets and start adult life as overweight or with unhealthy attitude to food with will catch up with them.

Not putting on weight should be more the goal than accepting your "curves" being curvy is a body shape, being fat is not being curvy.

Stop obsessing about food, talk about food, about diet, about eating healthy meaning being deprived or starving, stop showing unhealthy attitude to your kids, stop about "treat days", about shoving junk food down our kids throats and being like the posters who laugh at anyone too stuck up to eat a meal designed for 3 grown-up men...

That should be the general message, not this ridiculous acceptance nonsense. You just have to look at adverts from 1900 to see that weight loss has always been a target, but our attitude to food and weight is now insane.

Some big people are beautiful. Some slim people are. Some big and slim people are not beautiful. Sounds like you have your own issues. Maybe get some support rather than deflecting onto others
&
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who are you to define what makes someone beautiful

So all big people are ugly?!

Please keep your comments on health. Fat-shaming is nasty, hurtful and potentially damaging.

I think it depends on how you define beautiful ? Everyone knows that being obese isn't healthy , but is being healthy the only way you can be defined as beautiful ? Would it be ok to say that all people who are not healthy, for whatever reason, can not also be beautiful ? Or is it simply that thin = beautiful and fat = ugly ?

I’m a size 6-8. I have w toned body. Except for my tummy. Which has totally gone wobbly. I’m 42. Had 2 children. All the mums are envious of how I look in a swimsuit.

But I had my stomach. Trust me. We all have insecurities.

I train super hard to keep my body as it is. And whilst my tummy isn’t perfect. My husband loves my body.

I train at my own house. I don’t ever go to a gym. I run up and down my stairs a lot. I go for runs near the house. I do certain training laps. I do core work. I do yoga.

Occasionally I will go for a swim

Have you thought about trying a class?

Training in your house is a great way of working out?

Look, we are ALL taught to be ashamed of our bodies - that's diet culture - and it is tied up with all sorts of other 'ism's if you look closely (most strikingly sexism and ableism) but we are not given a sliding scale of shame. So it is challenging when someone who YOU think should feel more shame than you, doesn't. My health is none of your business, whether that's physical or mental health, and whether it's a bout of flu or a product of our society.

Imagine realising that all this is meaningless? Imagine the realisation that ALL people, regardless of colour, disability, sexuality and, yes, body shape are deserving of dignity, respect and equal treatment as they go about their lives?

If you feel resistance to that statement, you need to think carefully about why. You need to think about who, or what, your resistance serves - cause it ain't you and it ain't your loved ones.

I hate that ridiculous expression fat-shaming!

It's not fat-shaming to state that being overweight doesn't make you beautiful, at best you are beautiful or attractive or whatever despite being overweight.

Being a smoker doesn't make you beautiful either, the message has finally changed there. You can be beautiful despite smoking.

My health is none of your business, whether that's physical or mental health, and whether it's a bout of flu or a product of our society.

why do I have to wear a seatbelt? As a driver, I won't hurt anyone if I am thrown through my windscreen, so why can't I do what I want?

It is everyone's business to pass the message that healthy diet is more than important, the same way everybody finally got the message that smoking is bad for you.

I'm really sorry you don't feel attractive in yourself. You do not get to decide what is beautiful in others, though. I hope you get to a happier place soon.

Why are over weight adults celebrated but not over weight kids?

The inability to understand that two people can eat exactly the same diet yet be different body shapes is almost wilful! Healthy diet IS a positive message, but you can't make an assumption on my diet based on how I look because you know fuck all else about me

You would rather imagine that people are lazy, greedy or liars, than accept that there could be other factors that impact on their body or health.

Do you tell everyone you know about healthy diet or just the fatties? Cause that's what I'm talking about.

It is everyone's business to pass the message that healthy diet is more than important, the same way everybody finally got the message that smoking is bad for you

You’re acting like fat people aren’t aware their size may affect their health and also that it’s a black and white choice like smoking is. Weight is far more complex than that.

Why do we not think women who drink too much are beautiful? Slim wino = bad, tubby sober woman = beautiful. Surely over consumption of anything is not good.

Why are over weight adults celebrated but not over weight kids?

Speaking as a fat person, there is not one day of my life when I have been celebrated for my weight.