AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

I think most people over 40 don't care about being beautiful because they're not going look that good anyway, even if they are thin. It's more important when you're young to be attractive.

I was very slim when I was young. Now I'm a bit overweight, but I don't look terrible, I look ok. I choose not to spend my life on a diet watching every mouthful of food and being hungry most of the time. I prefer being a bit fatter and being able to eat nice meals and not obsessing about my appearance, it's very liberating. I'm much happier fatter, even if I look better thinner. I've never been obese, I'm sure I wouldn't like that, but being a bit overweight is fine.

Your list seems to reflect how YOU feel, not really "why big is not beautiful". I'm big and no I don't think about snacks all the time, I don't hate having my photo taken, don't lie to myself, don't have any trouble getting clothes that fit and look nice, don't get breathless. If you don't like how you look, do something about it but don't bad mouth everyone who is on the bigger side.

YANBU. But also agree the phrase should be ‘toned is beautiful’. Extremes of any body weight are not attractive.

I am a big Next Top Model fan and the ‘+size’ girls on that are often as stunning as the conventional model weight girls... but really they are, say, a size 12/14 instead of a 6/8, so it’s not exactly hard.

I think most people over 40 don't care about being beautiful because they're not going look that good anyway, even if they are thin

I honestly do not believe that's remotely true.

Agree, Op. Went from 8 - 12 and felt grotesque. So embarrassed at my size 12 wedding pics, as feel I just don’t look like me, whereas husband looks as handsome as ever.
Have since returned to size 6/8, but wedding pics still haunt me at DP/DPIL’s house.

Chista im shit with words so never seem to get across the brain thuoghts to typed ones!so thankyou.

slim or fat, at the end of the day it's your choice. What we should not accept is pretending that it's ok to be fat, the same way no one pretends it's ok to smoke. Be a smoker if you want, but be honest about it being a health issue.

When you read the thread laughing at anyone talking about healthy food for children: coke (coca cola) is just a drink, not a drug, it's ok you know haha, Not feeding your kids McDonalds weekly, you should unclench haha, sweets every day after school, is part of a normal diet haha

well, it's scary. No, it's not good, it's not healthy and a daily or even weekly "treat" meal is not healthy and gives a very bad attitude towards food.

What we should not accept is pretending that it's ok to be fat

You know it takes a long time to lose weight? At most, healthy weight loss is 1 to 2 pounds per week. What do you want all the "unaccepted" fatties to do until they are acceptable in your presence? Hide at home for months to a year or more?

I gained a stone without realising and it is not nice. At all. Harder to find clothes, uncomfortable To sit with this big belly squashing you. Looking older and frumpier.
No. I am not fooling myself that being like this is better or the same as when I was slimmer. No way.

However yes we should Not care this much and despise us for it. Def no. What we should do is taking a prgamatic approach, rather than and emotional one, and make a realistic plan about how to achieve our goal.

I genuinely don't think anyone can say that someone in the 25+ BMI category looks better than someone in the 19-24 category.

Humans are not designed to be overweight and obese. You never see an animal in the wild that is obese - you may see domesticated animals that are overweight but they are obese for exactly the same reason so many humans are obese - they are eating the wrong foods. A rabbit in the wild has unlimited grass to eat usually, it can binge all day long, but doesn't get obese. Why is that? Because it is eating food its body is designed to digest.

Our refined carbohydrate diet is making us fat and ill. It is impossible to be fat on a low carbohydrate diet - our bodies simply aren't designed to metabolise all this starch and sugar.

I feel awful seeing people struggling to do everyday things because of their weight. It is tragic our dietary 'advice' is so messed up and making people so ill.

People say “big” instead of “fat” because they word fat isn’t merely descriptive and some people don’t want to be fucking rude. ‘Fat’ is generally used as a term if abuse/ have you ever used to describe someone or call them to their face without the intention of being rude or hurtful? I am willing to bet you’ve even used it to thin people with the sole intention of trying to hurt them- after all, what could be worse than being called fat?

It’s being reclaimed and as a result neutralised by fat people such as myself but it still has a long way to go before regular sized people have the right to claim they’re using it as a descriptor and not a term of abuse.

YABU there will be other people your size that will be happy and look good. Stop being hard on yourself, life is too short. The weight will come off when you're ready to lose it.

mooncuplanding .... What absolute bollocks!!

It is impossible to be fat on a low carbohydrate diet

Of course it is if you eat too damn much!

some big people look beautiful and have beautiful personalities.
loosing weight isn't easy for most so it's unfair to call a huge section of society as being the opposite of beautiful.

This is a tough one! Co-incides with the new CRUK ads on obesity. I do agree that normalising obesity is not a good thing, but fat shaming is not helpful either. I wonder where the middle ground is? As you say life can be busy and many women succumb to weight gain. Equally I know a number of women who are technically overweight but exercise loads.

Well,you do see ads for nice fashion things, and bigger girls and women wearing all the nice clothes, and then the saying in the ads, that big is beautiful.. Obviously,it's the ads,who are promoting the lovely clothes,who are saying all this, and the women do all look great in the clothes..

But it's all a different story,with everyday people who are overweight,and very unhappy with their size.

I think that what you are saying,is that life before has got in the way, and made you overweight,as in having children and no time for yourself, this can be the same for many women,but you have to get real about things,mainly health issues, and if you don't like yourself right now, you can,in time,change things.and be happier.

If you want to be healthier, great. And we all know it's best to be a healthy weight. But what's beauty got to do with it? Why is being beautiful the most important thing?

If I was a slim blonde beauty who smoked, I don't need to give up because hey, I'm beautiful? Or if I am not conventionally beautiful for a non weight related reason, say I have a facial birth defect, should I just eat what I want and weight 500 lb because I won't be beautiful either way?

If you are overweight and don't want to be, do something about it but don't blame the phrase "big is beautiful". It's not the phrases fault.

Big not sure, healthy is beautiful.

I'm a size 16 so not skinny and fighting to lose weight due to meds, but can run longer and longer than my BMI 23 DH. My resting heart rate is 52-55 and I only feel breathless during my anxiety attacks, never during physical effort.

I don't think I look good, quite the opposite. But I feel good!

I disagree. And I agree that this post is a reflection on how you are feeling.

If you are not happy, change it.

This is all a load of bollocks.

I don't know 1 woman who decided to get fat on purpose from this campaign. No one chooses to be fat. You end up fat because of physical illness, depression or some other underlying issue. I know plenty of women who have starved themselves to look like photoshopped pictures of celebrities or whatever. This faux outrage that now every Victoria Beckham or Kate Moss out there is going to start stuffing their faces with Jaffa cakes because "big is beautiful"... Get a grip.

Stop attacking your fellow women on their looks because of your low self worth. You don't need to build your confidence by tearing others down. I say this as someone who is now skinny but struggled after my twin pregnancy. It took me 1 year of absolutely NO carbs to take off the weight, I would even gain if I ate vegetables but meat? Nothing. The weight fell off. My body is just that sensitive, I can't eat like other people and get away from it unscathed. I know others are probably like me but don't know it.

I don't feel like I'm better than anyone else now and none of us should put anyone else down for looks or whatever. It's just playing in to misogyny and setting us all back as a whole.

It is impossible to be fat on a low carbohydrate diet

Of course it is if you eat too damn much! hmm

That’s the thing, you can’t eat too much if you cut the carbs. Everyone in the 50s was eating lard, fatty cuts of meat, butter, full fat milk, and we didn’t have an obesity crisis. Fat isn’t the culprit here.
So many people on here are struggling to lose weight but not armed with the right knowledge to do it. You find it very hard to overeat if you are eating protein and fats with low carbohydrate. Imagine you could have unlimited pork chops, steak in a creamy sauce, cheese (no crackers!)....do you really think you’d overeat? No, of course not, you’ll be full in no time. Experiments have been done to this effect, yet we are told constantly that we must avoid fat when it is the actual thing that will make us full and stop cravings.

It’s the carbs you crave- bread, pasta, biscuits, crisps....mix it with some fat and it’s even more lethal for cravings! The body gets used to a never ending cycle of ‘quick fix’ glucose. People think obesity is a failing of willpower, it’s nothing of the sort, it’s a metabolic disease because you are fuelling your body in a way it wasn’t designed to handle.

The obesity code by Jason Fung explains this much better than I would. He’s on YouTube too.

That’s the thing, you can’t eat too much if you cut the carbs.

Oh, bullshit! There were plenty of fat people in the 50s. Some people were even vegetarian in the 50s. There were also way more smokers, and smoking is a known appetite suppressant. What a load of bunk! Psuedoscience from the internet isn't my bag. That type of diet you mention sounds like a good radio to cardiovascular disease, too. Use your common sense and eat a balanced diet rather than restricting or cutting out food groups when you have no allergies or intolerance. Ridiculousness.

It's not a "one size fits all" - we really know very little about why some people are able to apparently eat volumes of poor quality food and remain slim, while others seem to eat very little but are overweight or obese. The slimmer people tend to come from a genetically slim background, and move more during the day, while the larger people tend to come from a genetically larger background and are more sedentary. However that is a large generalisation and many large people have slim parents (and vice versa).

Very little is known about the role of the gut biome in determining metabolic profiles or body size and shape. We usually inherit our gut bacteria from our mothers, which may explain why there is a genetic link with body size and shape. Fecal transplants of poo with "good bugs" into the GI tract of people with "bad bugs" have resulted in the recipients losing weight.

A few hundred years ago, someone with wide hips and generous belly/bottom was considered the height of attractiveness (look at any picture by Rubens!) - fashions change over time. So while big may not be beautiful now, it was then and may well be again in the future.