AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

In my opinion, being too overweight is not attractive, especially if wearing very tight, revealing clothes, and being skeleton thin is also not attractive either. A happy medium for everything in life is best,

Summer, I don't understand some posters saying your post is offensive. It's just stating the facts.

I work in the public health system and we're fighting a losing battle. Even shedding 5 kgs adds massively to maintaining a healthy life style.

It's the fat stored around the internal organs that does most of the damage, leading to chronic illnesses.

Even thin people can be unhealthy. If we all aimed to reduce our waist measurement to 80 cm for women we would all be so much healthier.

You can't generalise this behaviour to everyone who is big!
"You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc.."
and as others have said, beauty is neither here nor there, it's the fact that you are getting breathless and can't move about that is the worry. Hopefully this craving and fixation on food is something you can fix through psychological change and nothing physiological is wrong with you such as Cushing's

"such as Tass Daley who's probably size 22+"

Think you need to adjust your aspect ratio a touch

Totally agree OP

It really scares and annoys me how ‘big is beautiful’ is portrayed in the media and ‘body positivity’ has been twisted into this weird place where grotesquely obese women are pointing the finger at underweight women as being terrible!

Obesity is unhealthy / being under weight is unhealthy - both are equally wrong to publicise and try to make fashionable.

I saw the ‘plus size model’ on the cover of Cosmo recently and shuddered! It’s no different than having a size zero skeleton on the cover...both are about one meal away from a heart attack 🙄🤢

Body positivity should be about saying ‘healthy sizes are cool’
‘Size 8-16 is a good range!’
‘Healthy BMI is something to aim for!’

It's a tricky one.
I get that it portrays unhealthy living etc but it's good to have more coverage on different body shapes/sizes now.
I think what's beautiful about it is people's confidence and how they love their bodies.

To me this is a healthy looking lovely body. I might pin this up on my fridge for inspiration!

Why is looking asthetically beautiful so bloody important in our society? Its given more importance than kindness, patience, loyalty, humour to name a few qualities I value more. Why??? Because years and years of women being viewed as objects for mens possession and child bearing. Now we're getting equal so now I think we should be able to be as fat and ugly as we want without anyone batting an eyelid because men have been doing it for years.

Live and let live people!

If you're unhappy make a change but leave others out of it.

They chose to click on the thread and get offended - its your own fault you bloody fat birds and your reading stuff with your eyes and all that! Strewth!

Its like the school bully who hits you then complains to the teacher when you hit back, and then tells all her mates how mean you've been to her!!

That model is pretty. She is also overweight, and that shouldn't be seen as an inspiration.

@DishingOutDone I think your posts are becoming hilarious now. I just posted my dream body up there a few messages ago. Don't tell me you also wouldn't like to look like that? I definitely would. I don't understand why you are getting so wound up by everything I say? I'm also fat. But I've made up my mind that I wont look like this next summer.

@thedayofthethreeMagnums No she isn't overweight!!! She is definitely healthy BMI. Now you are BU!

I think we should be able to be as fat and ugly as we want without anyone batting an eyelid because men have been doing it for years.

regardless of the fact that men are putting themselves under as much pressure as women, they just go through it differently...

Being fat and normalising unhealthy behaviour is not right. You could replace being overweight by being a smoker. Thankfully, we do accept that being a smoker is not a positive and healthy thing.

Why do people say big when they clearly mean fat/obese
It is sugarcoating a problem
And that is a problem in itself
But fat people can be super beautiful. Yup
But it does come at a prize. So should be not be glorified or normalised by calling fat people big.

I am fat. Not big.

I am not BU, that model must be a size 14-16. That's big. Just because vanity sizing has happened doesn't change anything.

She might be pretty, but that is not the photo of a slim and healthy woman, she is not slim.

@thedayofthethreemagnums

I would dispute that fact but neither of us have figures to prove men put themselves under as much pressure or not

Smokings not really the same as not tied in with beauty which this threads about but if you're a smoker go ahead and smoke, I should all mind our own business about that too

I work in the public health system and we're fighting a losing battle.

Far too many nurses and doctors - fewer of the latter, to be fair - are considerably overweight themselves. Physician, heal thyself are the words that come to mind.

@thedayofthethreeMagnums She's not slim but definitely within the healthy BMI range. It covers anything from size 8 to 14. I'm talking about healthy, you're talking about fit and slim which to many is just a goal too far.

Hurrah! I was aiming for hilarious!

I would dispute that fact but neither of us have figures to prove men put themselves under as much pressure or not

you just have to look at gyms, plastic surgery, beauty treatments, dental treatments, diets, hair dressers.. the idea that all men have no regard for their appearance is as wrong as stating that all women are obsessed with make-up or dying their hair..

Meh. Big people can be beautiful, but that is despite the weight not because of it. And it’s really bad to market ‘big’ as a good lifestyle choice others should emulate.

Fatty middles don’t do much for women’s long term health.

My mother fought her weight all her life and was always self conscious about it she was about a size 24 but was the most active heard working woman I knew. She had dementia for 9 long years and when she passed away she was no more than skin and bone. I would give all my tomorrows for another day with her as her size 24 self ( she was 89 when she passed BTW)

a size 14 is definitively over-weight! That used to be a size 20.

This model is roughly the same size, and is presenting plus-size clothes.